Tag:

deep

Cause I, I love you. I loved you…

by Rotted_Flesh 2/16/2016

written by Rotted_Flesh

I awake to better days,
And to my distress, they meant nothing at all.
But I’ll let you know that I am doing fine.
Is it okay that I’ll say, you always cross my mind.

The pain I feel isn’t separation from you.
But the sadness of your soul and entity.
Now watch me hide this deep below this sentiment.

Cause I,
I love you.
I loved you.

I’ll let go and go away.
The time is passing you will stay.
I’m moving on if you stay gone.
I’ll let go and drift away.
The love has lost its better days,
I’m holding on if you stay gone.

The […]

2/16/2016 0 comment

accepting the monster inside

by Alan Ominous 2/16/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Faced some harsh truths this weekend. I’m probably just as, if not more heartless than I perceive those around me. The deep angry hatred for everything is growing. I’m conflicted. How can I be so full of hate and be so empty?

I’ve committed some unspeakable atrocity. In the name of self righteous vengeance. The sad reality, I’m not capable of hating anyone more than I hate myself.

My, wife, surely abuses me. But I guess I deserve it. I’m a terrible person. I’ve done and do despicable things. I have nothing good to give anyone.

I tried to kill myself long before her. I will again whether […]

2/16/2016 6 comments

Nothing

by Moneypenny 2/12/2016

written by Moneypenny

There is nothing wrong with my life. Everything is perfect. But I am feeling so down, so sick, so bad.

I am so scare of failing my suicide attempt. I can’t move. I wont try it, I know it, and I hate it.

I am scared of men, I am scared of women too, I hate living. And yet, everything is going as each and every little thing should go. People are nice and everything is ok. Except my head.

I wish I was different in a deep unconscious way. But there is this part of me that’s rotten and that I can’t heal. I don’t know why. […]

2/12/2016 10 comments

About Indifference (sort of)

by MoiBelle 2/7/2016

written by MoiBelle

People say that indifference is evil. I agree with this. However, people also claim that the planet is not evil, or good, but indifferent. It is argued that this is a beautiful thing- no reason to be upset about it. This argument has no logical consistency. This seems to be the hallmark of the healthy person, from what I’ve observed- this ability to lie to yourself, to change the facts to fit your opinion, to make the world make more sense to you, so you can keep swimming through all this shit, so you don’t really give a fuck about children dying in other countries, […]

2/7/2016 3 comments

there is no “should be”; there is only “what is”

by sunshinestate90 2/4/2016

written by sunshinestate90

Looking back on my posts from six months ago to recent, I can’t fathom how I was able to make it through my life. I am extremely glad I did though, because now I am less fearful than before. I went out into the world and face a bunch of my fears, did a bunch of things that made me uncomfortable, and now I feel like there isn’t much I can’t handle. I didn’t understand that before: that all you have to do is handle life. Take a deep breath, do your best and know that even if we don’t get that job, there’s always […]

2/4/2016 1 comment

No longer lonely on the surface

by simplicity35 2/1/2016

written by simplicity35

Things have changed ever so slightly. As I feel myself pulling back from all the friends that have supported me throughout high school, and losing touch even more with my true best friend, who lives long distance, things are getting better. I met a girl this year who has really changed me for the better, and is a true friend I can rely on and makes me happy for once and allows me to have fun. I just dont ever think I can get to that deep emotional level where I can share about my depression and anxiety with her. Its hard, and eats away […]

2/1/2016 3 comments

Ugliness Complex I’m ugly and complexed though I’m not that deep

by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful) 2/1/2016

written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)

Ive been rejected hundreds of times in person and thousands of times online. No one wants to fuck a fat ugly depressed unconfident anxious broke piece of shit. I’ll admit i no longer try to talk to women. In the same way someone who can’t play basketball stops shooting baskets after missing every shot. Socially i live in a different world than everyone else. I dont have any social networking. I dont go to bars(panic attacks and i hate liquor) i didn’t go to parties when i was younger. I havent been alive to an extent most people just dont understand. I hate this world […]

2/1/2016 1 comment

trying to find some hope in either to succeed in dying or getting over it

by Varisha 1/23/2016

written by Varisha

I recently broke up.. and its my 2nd break up n in both relationship’s I was very serious.. when I had my 1st breakup my friend , helped me to get over it.. and I fell for him.. and also he lykd me so he took great care of me n helped a lot to move on.. and eventually I started lying him and loving him.. I don’t knw whether it was wrong or right.. I loved him.. and I loved him a lot.. more than I have loved anyone ever.. but he left.. even though he knew I would be devastated, he knew how broken […]

1/23/2016 4 comments

tempt…

by nonexistingsoul 1/22/2016

written by nonexistingsoul

Yesterday I was at the condo unit of my friend with some blockmates. We decided to hang out there. They have 3 doubled deck. I lay down on the top bed near the window. I tried opening the window but they were mad at me. Maybe they know that I might jump out of the window. They know how crazy and mad I am. But I told them I wouldn’t jump. Not yet. And they let me open it but they were guarding me. I opened it and took my feet out. I looked down. I was very tempted to jump. It’s like I can […]

1/22/2016 2 comments

I’m such a f**k up

by disgusting 1/18/2016

written by disgusting

I really fucked myself up this time. I cut my thumb really deep trying to cut up the block of cocoa butter on the bed since I don’t have my own kitchen to work in like a normal person. It’s only maybe a half an inch long so if I went to the ER they wouldn’t do anything. I’ve had 2 inch deep bite wounds and been turned away untreated. It wouldn’t stop bleeding and it is deep. I put liquid bandage on it which hurt like hell. But it’s too short to get stitched. 1. I hate that I’m such a failure and can’t […]

1/18/2016 5 comments

I know

by 200085 1/13/2016

written by 200085

I know im not suppose to be here, and no one wants me here. I know everyone hates me and all i can manage to do is bring out hatred in people. I know i will never be helped, or loved again. So why do i have to talk myself into it, why cant i cut deep enough, why am i scared. I have nothing worth staying for and no one wants me here. It should be easy then right? It makes no sense what so ever to still be alive when there is no reason. A lifetime in the void is better then staying […]

1/13/2016 4 comments

Tiny shred of hope

by nextime1988 1/1/2016

written by nextime1988

I’ve been reading recent posts and think it’s a very positive thing that you make new year antecipations and resolutions. it means deep down you still have at leats a tiny shred of hope.

Lately i find myself living day by day and dreading the future, which for some who used to think far ahead makes me unrecongnisable for myself.

Keep up the good hopes 😉

1/1/2016 3 comments

1 January

by Allitends 12/31/2015

written by Allitends

Im sorry fellows, i dont give a crap about new year or what ever people make up to celebrate, tomorrow is just another day. And yes every new day is the best day to start over.

I never did, i just used to take advantage (of the celebration ) to be with the person that i loved.

But now i really dont care.

But if i could wish something i could choose to get my heart stunned, so stunned that i wouldnt even bother try to talk or meet new friends, girls.. After all i lost all i wanted to be.

It is always an effort, and it feels […]

12/31/2015 2 comments

To Be or Not To Be

by InhalingAnxiety 12/31/2015

written by InhalingAnxiety

Today at work it is a casual attire day, so I wore my To Be or Not To Be soliloquy sweater. We had a client come in and our receptionist is on holiday, so I am the backup, and I am to greet and take care of the few clients that come in on New Years Eve. They saw my sweater and proceeded to ask if I had it memorized.

Is that the point of it, though? To be simply memorized? To be able to vomit up the words upon request? Why not ask me what it means? Why doesn’t the real point of it matter? […]

12/31/2015 2 comments

I want to bleed

by Ylem 12/31/2015

written by Ylem

Today is my birthday. I’m officially 22. I was born around 7 in the evening, only lived about 5 hours of 1993. What the fuck is so damn happy about it?

I have been trying to make the most of this day. I took a walk with my sisters to the park. Played on the swings like an 8 year old. I remember when I was that young. I chased around my little sister and nephew. It helped me forget for a moment.
I forgot that deep down inside, I’m fucking furious. Just that moment.

The urge to cut has been growing intensely. I don’t want to […]

12/31/2015 2 comments

What is Love?

by Ylem 12/25/2015

written by Ylem

I don’t understand love.
I just… I just don’t.

I have never fallen in love with anyone. I have never been in a relationship with anyone.

I can’t interact and connect with anyone on that level. I’ve tried reciprocating if someone shows an interest in me. But I can’t. I just end up hurting the other person because I can never meet them halfway. I just feel nothing.

The only love I have is for my family. That’s the only love I know and can show. I think it’s because they are just the only people I can interact with, as minimal as I do that as well. […]

12/25/2015 2 comments

So what?

by NoHumanity 12/23/2015

written by NoHumanity

I’m only fourteen, closing up on fifteen in April. I’ve got my whole damn life ahead of me and countless near-death experiences and suicide attempts have gotten me nothing BUT treatment. This is the first time I’m relapsing – not because it’s new, but because recently (earlier this year) is the first time I’d gotten treatment. You see, my depression and anxiety had been with me since birth. I never had a broken home or anything, the closest thing I had was a few bullies at school that made fun of me for talking to myself and having strange behavior. I was an extremely delusional […]

12/23/2015 13 comments

Trying to breathe

by Lolagirl 12/21/2015

written by Lolagirl

It’s a sad day to learn how much your father dislikes you. Resents your very existence. My idea of our relationship was so off its shocking. I thought we were close and that he was proud of me. Unfortunately, that is not the case. He looks at me with disgust and expresses it every chance he gets. I think the world of him. He is the best man I know and to have someone that I admire so much think so little of me takes my breathe away. It’s hard to inhale. Literally hard and […]

12/21/2015 9 comments

Do you ever

by flyingnorth 12/18/2015

written by flyingnorth

Do you ever just lay there and listen to the way your house breathes? Do you ever just lay there and watch as the shadows on your wall slowly change and grow as the time passes and the suns position changes? I can feel my depression breathing deep in my gut, spreading its shadow into my heart. It ways heavily and I fear there is not much I can do to stop it anymore. Slowing it seems to be my only option, but its triumph is inevitable. I hate feeling this way. I wish there was an option to surgically remove this depression and anxiety. […]

12/18/2015 1 comment

Weather The Shot

by trophyX 12/16/2015

written by trophyX

I told you that you have a real shot. I don’t have to tell you that I’ve changed. I think you’ve already seen it and felt it. I think you know it deep down. You feel that I want nothing from you other than you to out live me by one more day. If he is your best shot at carrying you through to tomorrow than I’m his biggest fan. I’m man enough to admit that we’ll never work out or be the same as we were. Sure, its painful, but seeing hope arise in your eyes even for one more minute is worth a […]

12/16/2015 3 comments

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