But I feel like I keep finding myself drinking more and more as time passes. And that’d be fine if there wasn’t this ever increasing desire to just keep drinking. I mean I had a few drinks about a week ago and as the week’s gone on I feel like all this jerking me around my life does has me just aching for it. Something’s gotta give here… either the bullshit life throws at me, or perhaps I’m subliminally asking for it or something, I don’t know, or my will to not become like the rest of my family members is going to break. And […]
And the worst part is I don’t even OWN a dog.
Anyway, woke up today with a terrible earache, which probably means my ear infection came back.
Hurts to eat or drink anything (chewing and swallowing, ouch).
It even hurts to talk.
So here I am, sitting quietly at home, eating and drinking nothing.
So, it turns out im an alcoholic… thats the first time ive uttered those words fully.. i wish i could sya i felt better saying them but what i know ive to do next is rather unappealing. after this weekend im going to stay off the whiskey, and off the beer and off the vodka and cider, not that i touch that swine piss, and off puteen and all that. puteen is any irish alcoholic drink, ranges upwards of 80% and is illegal to brew here, yes im an irish stereotype, a motherfucken drunkard. anyway, heres me enjoying one of my last drinks. i dont […]
My morning was reasonably okay-ish, until I found out my stepdad had been our drinking since 12. He came home around 4 and he and my mum had an argument, so he left to go drinking again. He came back around 10:30 and was completely drunk to the point where he could barely stand up.
Since the argument I’ve been feeling weird. It’s like how I felt last year before I went ‘crazy’ – for lack of a better word – for a week or so. My mind is racing, and my energy is building up. I feel like cleaning the house, but going for a […]
I hadn’t intended to write something funny, but I felt so pathetic I felt ridiculous… and I had to laugh at myself.
Chain of events, but I will try to keep it as short as possible. So my doctor…never mind. Just know that I was so frustrated I started getting dizzy at work and had to hold back tears but that was really okay since I was just about to leave the office, and my friend suggested a psychiatrist. I was so RAARRRR I said it’d probably be the same… and he told me it wouldn’t. So I listened to music on the ~1h drive back […]
Anyone wanna describe how they felt when taking opiates (or synthetic opiates) for the first time? Just ordered some Tramadol and I’ve never taken any kind of drugs before, so I was just curious. Also heard that drinking after taking them increases the feeling of intoxication. Is that true?
I really do hate reality iv always tried to avoid it by all means by smoking weed drinking or eating the only thing that seems to work right now is eating or self harming the SH sort of brings me back to reality for a short wile then I float off again dose anyone know if depersonalisation comes under borderline personality disorder ?
so over my short period of life iv had to deal with addictions because of this fucking void that needs to be filled so in high school it was weed I smoked weed everyday to till this fucking dark hole and then after I left college guess what that void needed next alcohol so I went though a period of drinking everyday because that void didn’t like weed no more then the void needed food so I eat and put so a hell of a lot of weight but then the void didn’t need food just the alcohol was enough to keep it filled so […]
Let’s laugh a bit. I remember when I was 16 an entered chatroullete. I admit, I was proud that I was having muscles and stuff. But I was not very interested in hooking girls. And then one girl appeared, and I was drinking juice and she was like, I just want your juicy cock, hahahaha. And she was spamming, fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me . And then she said, deeper, harder, cum and she turned on the shit out of me . Hahahaha, I may die next week, let’s laugh.
I’ve felt terrible all day, I’m not sure I can wait until summer. I only smiled twice today and I started drinking diet pop because I’m not afraid of getting cancer from aspartame anymore. My parents keep getting angry at me because I’m being “morose”. I’m just so fed up with this world and I want out now.
And I’m on the way to the local bar again, where I’ll spend countless hours drinking and socializing with people I’ll never see again. I’m stuck in my head again. I can’t free myself again. I drank myself stupid last night and somehow managed to drive myself home again. I sit here lonely wondering if anything will ever change again. I’ll force myself to eat because I’ve lost so much weight again. I’ll sit in my car and smoke weed just to be able to sleep again.
Again.. again.. again..
I have Social Phobia ( aka social anxiety), I always been the shyiest guy in school, college,diferent jobs. Missed classes in college cause of it, quit jobs cause of conflit due to bad comunication with others. Been to many job interviews and failed because of being so nervous, that since 2010 I tought I have to quit life, didn’t know when or how, but had to.
So I just tried to meet new places and walk a lot, while also searching for ways of dying. All of them seem painful so I ended up thinking maybe I could just buy some syringes with a large width […]
Gettn super high tonight leaving the drinking for tomorrow. So yeah ima be up allnight. Its sad that the only way i can get some sleep is by being drunk.
I have found that a way to help you figure out things is to analyze your dreams. I know some of them are seemingly meaningless, but it seems to help me. Also sharing them with others help as well. Here are a few of my own:
*warning, this first one is a bit gross*
I mashed a bump and instead of puss coming out, I pulled a neuron out of my skin.
My local college was located in a swamp. A former friend and I wore old time dresses (Gothic era) with petticoats. I found a book of nautical poetry and began to read it. The buildings were […]
Sometimes I feel dissociated from life. I am consumed yet still apart from sadness or anger or depression, like I’m treading in the middle of the ocean, watching the giant crests and seeing nothing but blue and overwhelming emptiness.
My dad started drinking again after a period of forced sobriety due to drunk hospital visits. I found out by being stopped in the stairs of the apartment building and warned that he was passed out for several hours and had been drinking for several days. He had already been back to the hospital. His liver and pancreas and brain are all fucked up.
It’s like dealing with […]
Hope everyone had a wonderful christmas Happy new year 2016 to each one of you may your year be great tonight ill be celbrating drinking and enjoy ur day and new years all Happy new year 2016 🙂
“IT”, is something that I think about all the time. Every day and every night IT is on my mind. I’m not sure if IT is something that I want to do, or something that would help relieve that darkness that I feel. IT, is a word that I can’t say without feeling sick to my stomach. I want to cry whenever I think of IT. But just for your information, “IT” = Suicide.
I’m not too sure that IT is something that I want to do. All I know is that I want to disappear. I want to disappear from my family, my friends, my […]
So, I changed my mind. What changed my mind?
I was ready to go through with it. I was tired. I still am. I cant sleep at night, I cant handle the flashbacks of every horrible thing that has happened. But I still decided to stick around.
When midnight hit, I took my rope and the book I write my dark things in to my peaceful place. I wanted my family to find my book and realise how messed up I had been for the past few months.
I sat there smoking weed and drinking gin for a while, enjoying the peace one last time on […]
Watch video drinking, pissed, hurt, lied to, too fat and ugly to ever be someone that a man would want to spend time with
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4aJmFQM7MPdSWI4SEkxNFpsUDQ/view?usp=docslist_api
Welp, started drinking around 5. It is almost midnight am I’m still drunk as fuk. I wish I could feel happy sober
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