words won’t come out.
talking and expressing anything seems like too much work, or like something too complicated that i can’t figure out.
and when i do try to reach out and open up to others, it always goes wrong. i try telling someone about the panic attack i had, and they assume i’m lying and then proceed to tell me i’m not trying hard enough, and that only makes everything harder for everyone. they tell me to try harder.
i thought i was trying my best. and i was. but it seems like, once again, my best wasn’t enough.
i tried to open up, […]
Seriously, why do I even try?
All she cares about is him. As long as he’s in her life, she doesn’t care about me even though I’ve been here for her this entire time. But, I guess it’s hard to care for something you can’t see..
She’s all I’ve ever known. The love of a mother or a father was always scarce to me, so of course I began to grow closer to her since she basically gave me that feeling I’ve been missing out on. But, I have to face it that I was only her income. Only ever everyone’s income. She doesn’t care and I have […]
It’s been awhile since my last post. Damn, I was.. 16? I’m 18 now and things aren’t looking quite as bright. I’m more mature, yes, but.. My grandfather died an awful death. Stage 4 cancer. I got to watch him suffer, scream and plead for death then die. My Grandmother also has stage 4 and my OTHER grandmother just was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer. My two great-uncles passed away, along with a great aunt.. Plus my dog, Charm, and my Cat, Jarro also passed away..
(The fuck is with all this death?)
This has my my family go even more batshit crazy, and, in […]
A few days ago, a classmate noticed the cuts on my wrist.
Today, a friend of mine saw the cuts too.
I told them it was nothing, that I only got them for being mean to cats (Don’t get me wrong, I love cats.). I know what I said was such an awful thing to say especially when even you can see the truth beyond your own lie. It’s just that I couldn’t quite think of anything to use as an alibi anymore.
I’m afraid sooner, more people would start to notice the slashes on my wrist and think I’m a weirdo, or worse they might think I’m someone […]
Would a person die when he’s dead?
Or would he only feel more pain?
I knew I’m already suffering from depression a year ago but it’s only last week that I started to hurt myself physically. It just happened. I don’t even know when or how something sharp came into my hand to slit my wrists. All I know is that I shove it on my skin and felt the burning pain beneath. And that it felt so good. To finally feel the pain. To finally divert my attention on my bleeding wrist rather than what I feel inside.
It was the time my brother came to yell […]
Today “she” called called me by this vile name.
Today “she” told me God would punish me.
Today “she” told me that travesties would befall me.
Today “she” told me one day I would need them, and no one would be there for me.
Today “she” told me that I gave her the most trouble between my sister and I. I a quiet anxious, depressed student did this. I am not a good person, but this statement is ridiculous.
Today “she” stormed into our shared bed room threw open the curtains, and tore back my sheets.
Today “she” demanded I go with her now that […]
Before we begin, some background. Last year, I graduated with a Master’s of Science in biology. This was made possible by a loving mother who brought me to Canada and financial support by its government. During this time I have managed to forge real friendships backed by common experience and mutual understanding, a first for the shy kid who would always find solace in his books. In short, I’m pretty privileged: healthy in mind and body, with a support network, and a small investment portfolio. I understand if you can’t sympathize with my situation. I won’t pretend that I know the challenges of having been […]
Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality
Movie / movies is better than reality / real life / real world
Video game / games is better than reality / real world / real life
Novel /novels is better than reality / real-life / real-world /
Sci-fi / Science-fiction is better than reality / reallife / realworld
Fantasy is better than reality / real world / real life
Anime / manga is better than reality / realworld / reallife
Dream / dreams is better than reality / real-world / real-life
I hate reality !!!!
Reality it’s all about MONEY !!!!!!
Reality is BORING […]
so another one is dying soon… I don’t get how someone could go to the dr for so long, and they never even tried to see… was it too expensive to screen for it? i guess some people are worth more than others, and help only comes if you have enough money.
why am i still here again?
Hi
I’m new here. But that’s not important.
I don’t know where to start so…
Yeah
My whole life is fucked up
I was 6 when i tried to kill myself for the first time. Why?
Cause my abusive father was accused of murdering my brother
And they were interrogating me and my siblings.
Cause my father wasted all the money that were supposed to go for his coffin just to get drunk
Cause i was bullied
Cause i was sexually abused
Cause i had to act like my brother when i was with my mom to keep her sane.
It wasn’t the last time that i tried to off myself
Why?
2006-2016
I was sexually abused 5 […]
This is my first post. Honestly, never in my life did I think I’d be on a website like this but here I am. Not that there’s anything wrong with sites like this, I’m just usually too shy to do anything like this.
But I guess this is my story?
Since elementary school, I’d been struggling with self-esteem, self-confidence, depressive feelings, anorexic tendencies, and suicidal thoughts.
As time went by, it all only got worse and worse. And now, here I am, in high school and wondering which way I should kill myself. I recently moved in with my dad after more than ten years of not living […]
The beginning of 2016 was when I got myself together and had my three beautiful children full time I was working as well. I shelters many people family or not and fed the mouth of people who talked bad upon me. I’ve never been the perfect mom sister daughter but I always made sure everyone was good and taking care. October of 2016 was when I experimented with a certain drug. No the drug did not ruin my life but it changed me as a person. […]
I’m still here. 5 months later from the last time I was severely depressed, and I’m still here. It could be the seasons changing… or it could be something worse, but here I am again… Back to typing away to relieve whatever it is that’s bothering inside of me. My not so secretive journal.
Am I seeking attention for doing this? Maybe. But in the condition I am now, that’s all I’m longing for. I feel so alone.
In reference to Melanie Martinez’s song ‘Dollhouse’, I feel everyone imagines my family as flawless but behind the curtains, we’re flawed in every little way. My mind goes into […]
A lot of the reason I don’t get along with my parents I think is just the generation gap. We were raised in very different times therefore we have different views and opinions on just about everything. And some of the problems are because they are stubborn and up-tight, but I just had the realization that most of it is my fault. I am a generally nice person. I go out of my way to do things for others, i sacrifice for my friends and family, but when it comes to my parents, I feel I am a totally different person. Almost every interaction I […]
i wish harry potter was real really exist , i wish fantastic beasts were real really exist , i wish magic was real really exist , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist
because reality is boring , mundane , and limiting limited
because real world is boring , mundane , and limited limiting
because real life is boring , mundane , & limited limiting !
reality is all about MONEY !
real-life is all about Money !
real-world is all about Money !
Life is boring , mundane ,
movies is better than reality real life real world !
novels is […]
Forgive me for the aggressive, hastily written few paragraphs
I cannot help but be angry with myself for all the pointless bullshit I’ve put myself through. Fuck, man, I just want to die. But that’d be pointless. I’d be leaving behind a path of selfish destruction.
I’m so fucking selfish for feeling this way. So fucking guilty of this. Of hating myself and my life and knowing that there isn’t a single possible outcome to my life that would be something I’d like. I’m lonely. I’m really fucking lonely. I don’t have anyone. Nobody. (Not romantically. Nothing. The only person […]
I hate reality ! reality is boring !
Doctor Strange is better than reality !
Marvel MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) is better than reality !
Avengers is better than real world !
Sword Art Online is better than real life !
Virtual Reality is better than boring reality !
video games is better than reality real life real world !
movies is better than real-world real-life reality !
novels is better than real-life real-world reality !
anime manga is better than boring real life real world reality !
comics is better than boring real world real life reality !
Why Human’s Imagination is much better than […]
Imperfection
What is perfect to me?
I always thought that being a perfect person was to one, just be skinny. That was the main point, to be skinny. Everyone loves skinny girls, right? No one loves fat, but apparently that’s all I have. That’s my blanket around my bones.
I look at my reflection every single day and just examined myself, and my flaws. I stare at how my hips are wide and how fat covers every inch, also on how my shoulders are wide and broad. I look at my small breast and my fat thighs. […]
m so tired.like seriously tired. I have the worst family,friends,luck,everything. Ive been through physical and emotional abuse from my dad. My dad is one pain in the ass,hes an alcoholic,he yells at everyone,he doesnt respect my mom and me. Etc etc etc the list could go on and on. I hate him i hate seeing him i hate hearing him i hate everything about him and i know some people would scold me for this because no matter what hes my dad but Ive done everything to be patient and understand him but i just fucking cant. I hate how he makes my mom suffer. […]
Im sick of living. Iv never felt loved/happy in my 22 years of life. I cant name anything good about myself fat.ugly.stupid.lazy.drunk and lonely virgin. The first thought i had toady and most days when i wake up is i realy want to cut. Iv been cutting since i was 15 and now im covered in 1000s of very noticeable scars. Im also an binge drinking alcoholic and get pass out drunk at least 5 times a week. The whiskey numbs my depression and anxitey being drunk allows me to cut deeper too.
Since i graduated high school the few friends […]