I’m gone now. No fear, no pain, I’m doing it right. Lost everything and nothing left to lose. Gracias port mi vide, peso el was much mal
I need HELP.
This is how i’m feeling….
My willingness to keep fighting this endless loop of misery, pain and fear has totally eroded away. I feel I offer nothing… well nothing positive, only failure. This torture I’ve existed with for the past 20 years is a sign that I’m not meant be here. I’m sure I’m being punished by a greater force for being a noncontributing, useless burden. The longer I stay, the longer I’ll suffer.
I’ve was diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD) over 14 years ago and have been on almost every antidepressants as well as lithium but none have worked for me. My psychiatrist has gradually increased […]
Good Morning. I still don’t have a lot to say this morning. I seem to be cycling down again. I feel like I have whiplash lately. Up down, up down. I don’t seem to be losing the drive to paint and draw, which will most likely save my life this go around.
When I was younger I would cycle up and have about three solid weeks of pure creativity then it would leave me for 6 months and I would be completely destitute about it. Up until January of last year I had put away anything creative because it had […]
I just want my life back. I lost it years ago and I miss it. I just want Amber to forgive me but she never will. My family is pretty much gone because most are just too selfish to even talk to anyone. They do nothing but fight and ***** about how shitty their lives are, but they don’t know how bad it can really be. I mean, they could be like me. Some are, but they are fighting it. They have the very willpower and persistence that I just can’t find anymore. I don’t deserve forgiveness or happiness and I can recognize it.
this world is not for everyone
It’s true
In fact, everything in this world is not meant for everyone
Some people is not meant to be in this cruel cruel world and most of the time, that someone knows it. They know that this is not where they belong. they know that there are other places for them. The place they can be themselves without getting reject or being judge.
There are two decisions for these people:
To keep going, keep fighting to stay in this world. To continue.
To go seek for other places where they are truly belong.
At the end of the day, it’s that person’s choice to choose.
are you […]
I live in a truly depressing dump, I don’t have the will to do anything and I spend hours awake in bed staring at the ceiling. I think I am sliding into insanity. I’ve got no friends – only aging parents to lean on. I’ve been on new medication for almost a month and it’s not working so far – only given me Insomnia. Laughably, I’m in the doctors every few days fighting to live a life that is truly awful – and to top it all I truly look like I’ve been dragged through hell. Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been a loner for thirty […]
So it’s almost 5 am where I live and I can’t sleep. I feel like a failure. I tried to make things better. I went to the psychiatrist and got meds, been to therapy every week, I am even trying to get insurance approval for TMS… I went to work every day like I’m supposed to. But nothing seems to be improving. If anything, the depakote makes me feel so numb, like everything is grey. I feel like I’m just jumping through hoops, going through the motions.
But I am hopeful about the TMS. It’s the only thing left I haven’t tried besides ECT. I wonder […]
Hey everyone, new and old SP members. I know its hard for you guys right now. But do me a favor and keep fighting. Im fighting too.
I’ve recently been into reading much more than I usually am. There’s this author, Paulo Coelho who seems to understand everything its crazy and be able to express exactly what i think and feel in his work. I don’t know what your situations are, but I really want you guys to consider no read these books. Im not saying they will change your life immediately. but they will definitely have you thinking, and acknowledging and growing.
I know a lot […]
So I’m new on here and just found the site today but I think this could be beneficial for me. I am 27 years of age, I’ve been married over a year (almost 6 years with the guy), our house and car are paid off, and I have two wonderful dogs. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way. I’ve struggled with depression off and on for awhile and it’s getting bad now. I am so sorry in advance this is going to be long…
My husband is loving but not understanding at all, he is homemaker (I think that’s what it’s […]
Ah, i never thought i would post on a site like this one. Still, i would like some advice.. I’m sorry if this is too long, i don’t really know what i’m going to say so thank you to all of you who actually read through all this nonsense..
I don’t know what’s happening to me, i never would have imagined i would slip this far away. At first i thought i was just being a little over dramatic. That’s normal for teenagers y’know? But these thoughts, these “what ifs”, these plans, I can see how much they are taking over and i don’t know what […]
You’re most likely wondering why I so boldly asked for you to read this post. Well, I did so because I have something to say that I believe will benefit you, no matter if this site applies to you or not.
I’ve had an unbelievable amount of personal experiences in my life that in reality could have shattered me from the start but instead, here I am writing this […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I lost the game. She really does hate me now even though, my depression and apathy were the causes for why I pushed her away. I guess I deserve this fate… A fate worse than death or Hell… A living Hell with only one escape. It’s fine. I was tired of fighting sanity and life, anyway… I’m moving my date to tonight.
Goodbye, everyone.
*is playing “Echo” by Jason Walker as I write*
Hahahaha, my ex re-added me on Skype but she hates my guts! Sure, I was whiny and apathetic to her but I was fighting a really bad depression at the time. Granted, I’m still fighting it but it lessened enough for me to have some clarity now. I missed her and thought we could work things out… I really did. I guess I deserve this for my countless sins.
The future I dreamed of has turned into a nightmare and I’m breaking at the seams. Damn, I feel like Laughing Jack right now! Then again, I guess I […]
The past few weeks have been Hell, to say the least.
Since my ex boyfriend broke up with me he has been keeping me around, telling me he loves me even though he’s with this other girl. I refused to tell him I loved him, I still love him. Fuck I still love him. He tells her everything he ever told me… I find it kinda funny within a few days he was already with her too. Probably cheated on me. She’s so much prettier than I am too, probably gave him more than I could have. Yet he insists on saying he still loves me. […]
I just want to die. I’m suffering so much. I don’t want to leave my family and my lovely little cat but I feel I have no alternative. My existence is empty, terrifying and degrading. I’m not talented, I now hate the way I look [Yes you pay for your vanity] and I’m not sociable. I don’t work, I live alone and don’t want to do anything at all but of course I have to kill the time somehow – the net, long walks, watching DVDs, visiting my parents – but it’s all just to survive another day – so I can do the same […]
My head is screaming. My body is screaming. The voices and intrusive images are taking over. A crushing weight is sitting on my chest. I feel closer to the monsters in my head than the people who surround me. I can’t breathe and I can only think of ways to bring about physical pain to make the mental insanity end. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of pretending that I can survive this war that I never had a choice in. I did not choose to be born, nor did I choose to participate in this insanity that circulates in my head. I want so […]
The demons are trying to fight their way to bring me down and for once I’m actually fighting them back 🙂
I’m so tired of fighting this war
My body aches, and my soul is its whore
My pain has grown full in size
Was fed religiously by my own mind
It now controls my every step
Making sure I won’t get slammed
Rejecting life by any means
And killing everything within.
My pain has been with me since ever
By now I really should know better
It won’t be cast away by light,
It will end with me, god willing, maybe tonight.
You hear all the time how people find comfort in finding others that are going through the same thing as them. I don’t. To me it makes me loose hope that there’s and end to this crap going on in my head.
There are sooooo many people with at least some sort of depression or mental health issues it seems like that’s just the way it is. That’s being human. I think it’s totally unacceptable for a race (as in human race) to have that as a norm. It also kills all hope to be free of it.
I’m just supposed to accept it because everyone else […]
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