I’m sick. Can’t stop coughing. Hoping I might die in my sleep. Not sure if anything is real. I’m ready to die. I know I am. But I’m scared. For what reason I don’t know. Of the pain maybe. The love of my life is oblivious to me. He doesn’t even care. I’ve posted things on Facebook, pictures describing how I feel, directing them to him. Even though I have always been there for him. He doesn’t care. He pretends to. But if i died today. He wouldn’t care. I’ve been waiting. Singing my songs forever. But its just a game. Let the games begin. […]
Tag:
Games
as i lay i close my eyes to have this dream
about my life
they came to visit
and they said
they had come for me
they told me i couldnt leave
they told me i have to stay
they told me ill be around forever
they told me i couldnt wake…
so until this day
their world ill stay
morning
night
i stay awake the insomnias getting to me
its taking its toll im seeing them every where
i think theyve crowned me king
or am i dreaming am i living in the looney bin
the worlds so vivid its shutting me off
they told me ill live for eternity
i cant take this anymore
the anxietys getting to me
im seeing double or are they […]
Life’s complicated, yes, we all know that. That’s not the only reason we want to do or even try to do what we do.
I feel worthless, stupid, ugly, fat, I feel like a loser, you name it. I felt it all. Being a teenager is a lot more complicated than adults think, especially nowadays. Classes are harder, technology makes it hard to get away from those people we want to get away from, and people are just a lot more cruel. And to those kids who have to do sports and keep grades up, it’s a lot harder than it sounds. Having the responsibilities we […]
I read the Hunger Games three times through. I enjoyed them very much. I don’t know why. On the surface, it’s only a story of death and slaughter and twisted human nature. Deeper in, it’s a story of fighting for what you believe and hope, maybe. But the death, and slaughter, and not caring that my perception barely scratched the surface. In those books, so many people died, a bunch of them coughing on their own bodily fluids.
My aunt and I went out to the movies to see it. It was the last movie she saw. A few nights later, she choked on her blood. It made […]
I was making a presentation today for a job interview and I came to the conclusion that I don’t really care about it. It doesn’t matter if I have the best job in the world, or if im smarter than anyone else. If im alone then I am the loser in the end.
So I am going to organize my life around the correct priorities. So no more games. they just numb the pain of being alone. This site is kind of doing the same. I spend a lot of time here and I guess its probably not the best thing for me. I should be going places and doing things. Which is very […]
This is what could, as you would say “break the camel’s back”. I may have lost someone I considered a brother, but I could lose the only closest person after him… My sister (not related).
My sister and I have been close friends for close to about six years. We have spent so much time together and told each other many secrets. Even though I still act somewhat paranoid around her, I know she still cares for me and we love each other very much. It was only recently did we start talking again since there was a break in our education that allowed up free […]
I’m so hungry. Why don’t i eat? It’s so stupid. There’s food but i can’t eat. Everytime i eat now, there is this really pressuring, annoying voice inside my head calling me fat and a big loser. I’m going to stop eating, except for dinner. I just think that if i don’t eat, i’ll be prettyier and skinnier. Not the most truest theory but i’ll try it anyway. Maybe it’ll make things better, maybe it won’t, but i don’t care. When i don’t eat, i feel really skinny and i don’t know why. I’ve got a stomach the size of a whale but when i […]
After all the bullshit, the hospital, etc. I felt no more ‘better’ than I did before all of that crap (read my other posts to find the other shit I have been going through). I actually feel much much worse than before (this post explains most of it).
I was trying to find just one reason to stay alive, and figured I could make one with my XGF. I figured we could try things again. I figured I could stay permanently, and make the kid’s life better. Now that she has no chance, the poor kid will go through “father” after “father” after “father”. She claims […]
I rather leave all my friends behind;
Still be in love
I chose love before sex and money any day (still)
I would be anywhere in the world for love
I rather stay in love than anything in the world
I rather keep trying
But seriously
Nobody wants to try again
Its too late
They think I haven’t changed
I’m tired of all the drama
Tired of all the games
I just want to forget all the bad
And cherish the good
I want to create new memories…
With the one person that I love forever…
We are all in the Hunger Games, the only difference is our names and faces
written by Crazypandachick
Sure we may not to be able to access to the weapons, or be forced to go and fight, but that doesn’t change the fact that we do. We viciously attack each other in many shapes and forms. Bullying, rape and assault are just some of the extreme ways that some people use to do this. The figures we look up to are the same. Sure they teach us all their good traits and beliefs and aren’t forcing children to kill each other, but it is like Paul says in the book All Quite on the Western Front; “They were suppose to be the ones […]
Once when I was little I was happy and carefree I used to run around laughing
Until it was time for tea I used to play games And smile all the time I used to feel on top of the world I used to feel fine It’s amazing how things change When people let you down And how that once happy face Turns into a solemn frown
You search and search For someone who cares Anyone who understands Anyone who dares Loneliness, it hurts It kills you deep inside It makes you feel empty It stops you in your stride You cry yourself to sleep Hugging your pillow tight Wishing for someone To hold you through the night Once when I was little I was happy and carefree Now […]
My parents dont give a shit about me, or how I feel about anything. Only that I get good grades. If i get any less than a A they scream and shout at me and take away the only things I enjoy-My xbox, and laptop. I only enjoy these, because when I play games I can escape to another world. I have tried to kill myself three times already… One time one of my parents saw me trying and didnt even bat an eyelid. They couldnt have cared less. The only people I care about in the world are my friends.. And even they are […]
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend,
to sheild me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it’s followed by acceptance,
if it’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me
of what I can’t assure myself,
that I’m really worth something.
I don’t like to hide.
I don’t like to play superfical phony games.
I […]
Have i reached the point when i stop caring, when the numbness finally wraps me coldly…or am i just crazy
I don t know but it feels great. I can’t eat which is awesome and i hope it will last because i wanted too lose weight anywayz. I can’t sleep either which concerned me since i could sleep like always at every time of  the day and sometimes i overslept the entire day. I am failing exams and not studying but i don t feel guilty. I am not happy nor sad or angry i am just here, existing and it s fine. i wanted this […]
I know right from wrong and I do understand God won’t put to much on ur plate but. Fu its not funny and I know ur toying with me. Well as my week turns I rear ended a brand new lexux. My x. Is playing control games. My parents leave town and the one day I do come home. My moms dog gets ran over chasing some person that was hiding in some bushes when I came home. Let me see death threats. And the only thing cool that happend is I’m clean and healthy and makeing my self […]
Just not sure of everything again. I cannot believe this feeling would revisit me this soon. I feel like it was just weeks ago that I started feeling great inside. Today, it’s just the opposite.
Everyday, I’m feeling irritated of almost everything and everyone around. My family’s full of judgemental beings. My parents are way too preoccupied with caring for their favorite daughter’s son. My brothers are way too busy playing their games. Older sisters are too busy with their lives. Younger sister currently living under the same roof is full of judgement. At one point in this lifetime, I feel close to her, like […]
so years have passed since ive felt this bad…….every day i get more and more paranoid about some issue or about some person looking or thinking about me the wrong way. I become fixated and obsessed with one issue. I closed my eyes while I was driving today just to day dream what would happen if i just took a quick left or right turn….would people finally give me some attention or listen to what i have to say. I feel like im ignored in every part of my life….i was very young when i started cutting my arms and thighs and havent done it […]
life and living, for me, is an outfit. you put on all these clothes that weigh you down but eventually, end of the day comes; time to strip ’em off and rest.
I’m afraid that I’m genuinely losing my mind. That analogy, if you can call it that, is a half finished thought. So many of my thoughts are half finished and incoherant; I’M half finished and incoherant HAHAHA! self loathing is always hilarious.
I try to wear my life for as long as possible, but I always end up stripping it off and proclaiming myself animal.
What am I saying? WHat am I writing? How is […]
my life seemed perfect up untill i was three.some things you cant forget but the fear and hurt always comes back to visit me. the shit i would do to remember what it feels like to have my mom love me and be dadies little princess, till i started watching her beat my older sisters, she would beeat my oldest sister everyday after school stomp on her in the corner of the bathroom like a bug, pull her pants down and make her shit in a bucket sometimes shed say she was gonna beat the living shit out her just for having her period,when moma started […]
i feel like everthing that i do is wrong my brother got married i know that i am suppost to be happy for him but after seeing him get married i just wanted to die and my girlfriend is ackting like i make her so unhappy by trying to provide for her and see a month ago she left me for a woman who could take her to games and concerts and i just want to die cause she acks like she doesnt like me anymore and we were getting married i just dont know what to do
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