I always envied and despised stupid people around me. Why do they get to be happy? Why was I always told being smart is a good thing?? It’s not a good thing. Being smart is a curse. The smarter you are the more socially awkward you are. Especially being a smart kid. Stupid kids become stupid adults and they are the ones that get to enjoy the meaningless pleasantries of life. Being smart sucks. The dumbest stupidest assholes have the most friends and screw like damn bunnies. Why can’t I have 500 friends and screw 24/7…. It’s a curse. being smarter than 9/10 people is […]
Tag:
Grass
Autumn is here….the season where everything dies…. I love this time of year and I’m glad that this will be the last season I ever experience…its something soothing about watching nature die….the leaves fall…the grass turns tan…..the bugs die…..flowers wilt away…. seems like the perfect time to die….
I feel sick. Physically sick. I want to run to the bathroom and eject all of my insides. I want to eject my heart out of my throat just to know I still have one. I want to eject my life out and watch it fade into a mist in the air as my empty body collapses to ashes in the grass. And mentally sick. I’m crying. But I don’t know why. I want to talk to someone. But even the people I love and trust I can’t open up to. I just can’t.
don’t read this
just wanted to say thattttt, well, not even feeling suicidal now, because I’m drunk, buttttt I understand how about 90% of you feel (after reading the posts as a non-member for a while) annnd i think this site is amazing. because when i was feeling these thoughts i was a lot younger (not that I don’t feel them now) but let’s face it when you’re younger you almost have to depend on your parents and it only worsens that feeling of helplessness when you can’t drive/escape because you rely on your parents’ money/support, etc. and when I was younger I didn’t have a […]
I thought I would be okay, but in three day’s time, I had another accident.
A few days ago, I slit my wrist up. Never deep enough to kill, but just enough sting to get the point across. I padded it up and wrapped an ace bandage around it, claiming I just sprained it. No one at work questioned it, my boyfriend didn’t say anything outright about it. It’s hard to keep things from him though. So I told him. He grabbed my wrist and took a glance. He said my name, which sounded so… Off. It doesn’t feel right when he says it. It […]
Fuck being in love.Love, it is torturing me. It truly is horrible to be in love with someone who will never feel the same way about you. It eats you from the inside, causes more insecurities to appear, it’s just another thing that pushes me closer to killing myself. And I hate myself even more for falling in love with someone who only thinks of me as a sweetheart, someone with a perfect girlfriend that I could never compare to, I hate myself for getting myself into these situation. I just really hate myself and life in general. Can’t I die already? I don’t want to feel anything anymore, I want to be deep under the grass and dirt where I can finally be content in the darkness.
by mm9
written by mm9
2 years clean and i finally broke down. Â My wrists have so many scars on them its….its funny…
I claimed insanity today..I cut my arms and laughed as the blood slowly came out. I threw my head back and laughed.
I dont cut deep enough to drip blood..just enough to leave a mark.
closed my eyes and keep picturing me as a little kid. running through the grass with my arms open wide my head held high…laughing
I posted my picture of my cuts because to me its a pretty picture..but no one else thinks so…their all mad at me and it just makes me cut more.
ask me why […]
I don’t know what to do. I’m writing this and it’s all so sketchy. There are days I’m not paranoid and then there are days where I question if I should trust the world and my loved ones. I’m just a fucked up statement of life. I hate life and everything it consists of. I don’t wanna see the sun shining and the clouds passing by. I don’t wanna see the grass and the food we eat that in the majority is micro-processed. I feel so burdened with my thoughts, for they consume me entirely. I am not me anymore, I am a […]
Let me live again
Let me dream of how things were
Let life be my grass I walk on
Looking for a place to stay free
(You still did this to me)
Let me be the only thing I dream big dreams for
Let my heart grow strong against love
Where you could never last past the moment
That many men crushed me daily
(You were everything to me)
Ugh, let my hands gently lift my hair
Slowly pulling it back revealing my eye
Black and blue among other colors that leak through
But for some odd reason
I just can’t let go
(There’s never been happiness,
Nor real love […]
I don’t know how to make this a picture but click on the word you can see the cows at the farm I go to to get milk. They have the whole field to themselves and only a few are milked – and the others just hang out for months eating grass.
I love the light tan one on the right, but the one next to the spotty one was making me a little nervous. Â =)
ps. its one of the few places that makes me happy lately. =)
ive been thinking about this scince pi was born my aunt will hit me when i went to go live with her and my mom well i was a mistake to begin with i dont know if i can do this i live for my baby sister and my love but in reality im dieing i tried to drink hydrogen proixde but my best freiend dumped it out on the grass i was putting it in my mouth she thought i wasent gonna do it and i risk everything everyday living people will be like if u do that u will do that and i […]
leve me alone i dont like this i whant out of that billding i whant to go home
a fleeting glimps of what i youst to be of the boy runing torw my haed in a feld
were the red and blue flowers grow were the grass grows tall and thick were the boy who at age 9 pikt up a gutat and nevet let go he still hasut but the words of his songs talk of deth ad losst love with no way out with somthing to shout about WITH the will to go on
a fleeting glimps of what i was
a chilld […]
i dream of walking to it
my home
to count the crooked bricks
fall onto the too long grass
smell the juniper
go through the white door
with the lion knocker
walk through the rooms
the familiar spaces
and patterns on the floor
remember all the voices
all the sorrow
all the joy
through to the back yard
over old redwood planks
lawn surrounded by fruit trees
orange blossoms
to lay under the great mulberry
to gaze up into its branches
and broad green leaves
watch the light dance
and the sky dance
then peacefully
close my eyes
Today I lay awake trying to will myself to my chores, with a man whom I am not inspired by, with a child I have no motherly passion for I do today entertain my weary mind while I work with the song of the shirt.
With fingers weary and worn, With eyes heavy and red, A woman sits in unwomanly rags, Plying a needle and thread, In poverty hunger and dirt, She lifts her head and sings the song of the shirt
“Work Work Work
While the cock is crowing in the dawn on the roof
and Work Work Work
Till the stars shine on the roof
To this life I […]
I often fantasize about being stranded on a tropical island, completely isolated. I don’t care how I get there, and I don’t care the state I am when I finally arrive. But it would be nice, for once, to be completely alone in a beautiful place and not have to worry about media, or politics, or finances, or love. Just live with nature and forget about everything that happened in the “real world”.
I’m pretty adapted to nature. I know how to start a fire with a couple rocks, or two stick, or a bunch of dried grass, a couple of splintered sticks, and a piece […]
so my story continues…
I did lose my viriginity at 13 years old.
I really really regret it soo much. The day before i had sex I got high for the first time and we got high together it was going well at the beginning then I was on the grass he got on top of my and tried forcing his hand down my pants i kept telling him no. Then he asked if he could feel my breasts I said no. I was high but I could still think. But I was so high I was weak and he was so strong he forced his hands […]
He calls it “Summer Land”
Where we go to reflect and rest
Where our favorite teachers come to teach us again
Where the things we loved once
We get to do again
I imagine the entrace is something like the last shot
in “The Gladiator” so brightly lit
his hands graze over the grass
as he enters the heavy once bolted door
There are activities and plays inside
We get to see the ones we love
once again
I forgot to tell many shitty things on my last post, like… I was really depressed bcuz many friends left me, and i chose to give my gf a better life in exchange for hell for myself. so i decided to go to a party with people i knew and the other 600 or something. late that night, i was real happy, not drunk, just a little bit dizzy. and it was reeealy cold outside, hey its norway:P but on the way i heard yelling, and i was like, god no, why… so i turned around and saw two elder boys come at me and […]
(From a dream. Sorry if the size of the post annoys. Just scroll on down.)
I was standing in a large grove of oak trees. It was sunny and warm. The wind was blowing faintly. The grass was bright green and lush. It seemed to be spring.
Through the trees a crowd of people emerged and walked toward where I was standing. The people were all smiling and laughing. They seemed to be in very good spirits.
Amongst them was a procession of young girls each wearing white dresses and adorned with a crown of wild flowers and each carrying a bouquet.
I was swept up into the crowd. […]
Well it’s been a while that I came to this site. I don’t know if anybody missed me, my existence doesn’t really matter at this point anyway. I’m just a shell moving by the habits that have been inprinted in it.
It has been a month since I moved in Ontario. Following this lofty scenario where I deluded myself with naive idea that my life would get better, that “grass is alway greener on the other side”. Well I don’t see any more colors here either. It just came to me today that I have been eating only one “meal” of junkfood a day since three […]
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