No one listens to anyone anymore, sure they hear so that they are able to grasp a rough idea of what goes on in their environment but no one actually takes the time to truly listen. To do more than observe a situation but to try to grasp how it must be to be within that environment and try to envisage the emotions that might be evoked so as to truly understand the complexities of what goes on in the world. Nothing is just black or white, we are all contrasting shades of grey. That’s one of my biggest problems I guess, I feel as […]
Why can’t my life be as beautiful as the ones I ruined once we’re? I walk alone and there is nothing I can do about it. Yes, I’ve tried and there are no options. I’m still as indecisive and fed up as I was 4 days ago. 4 days ago, I don’t even know what I miss out on. If I had what I want, “BANG!!!” is the last thing I would hear. But one thing I can’t figure out is why I have to bear the very pain and agony I have suffered. Why I have to watch everyone be happy as possible and […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Buzz-Fall.mp3
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Stayed up all night long writing this.
I had an ocean of black coffee yesterday, plus I probably took more Tramadol than I should have (yeah, I know. I know).
So as long as I was in that weird kind of headspace, I decided to write some music, just to hear what that part of my brain sounds like.
Apparently it sounds like a snake charmer had a drunken affair with a nervous kangaroo.
Weird.
After a month, I was able to hear her voice. I spoke with my daughter. I told her that I love her and miss her. She said that she can’t wait to see me. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I won’t be here anymore.
I haven’t seen her in 4 months. After a 30 minute conversation with her, my level of joy and relief was overpowered by the truth. I will never be good enough to be in her life or to be with her mother. I have no other known idea than to give up.
I have never once given up on […]
my family spent so many years not talking about our fucking problems. and now my siblings are like “we are talking to our parents about are problems so we can get them fixed” and then i get included into the conversation and get to hear about their depression and their mental problems and then i get praised for being the one child without problems. can we just go back to not talking? i dont want to be the mentally sane child that apparently has no problems. i need to get the fuck out of here.
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
I don’t know what to hear
Knowing is what I am looking for.
Knowledge is both beautiful and tragic.
Beautiful because there is nothing better than being aware
Tragic, because once aware, can never go back to unknown.
Once you see it, it’s difficult to forget.
Unknowingly happy
Knowingly unhappy
I don’t know why I keep trusting people. I just feel like people don’t care. I told a ‘friend’ of mine what was going on with me and he was going through the same thing and I thought that this time its gonna be different. I didn’t even feel awkward or angry about people invading my private and emotional side. I really don’t know why I expected something different this time. No one really cares and I think he’s just like the rest of the people. Just hangs around you when he wants and leaves you hanging when you thought you were friends.
I was smart […]
this has been the most emotionally exhausting day of my entire godforsaken existence. I don’t know what to do or think anymore, I’m just crying and crying. I’ve got the absolute worst headache from having 5 hours of sleep and 4 hours of crying. This just fucking sucks ass.
I had to call my mother and tell her I’m self-harming. She says she thought I was the one thing she got right in her life, but apparently I’m not. So, great. Fan-fucking-tastic. I have ruined my mother’s life and all this without her even knowing I’m suicidal. she asked why I would even tell her if […]
With those judgey eyes
they try to stare into our minds
but they never get past our
appearance.
They only believe what they
see and hear.
Anymore would take too much
effort.
Instead of talking with calmness
they simply yell with frustration.
If they actually listened, understood
we wouldn’t be like this.
Their blinded ‘perfection’ constantly
crushes our sad reality.
We are shattered
and they still hold the hammer.
Someone. Anyone. Please. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t handle the noise. I can’t handle the pressure. Fake smiles. Teary eyes. Mirrors that hide the truth. No one to talk to.
Do any of us on this site even deserve what’s being handed to us? We don’t get a choice in how our life becomes, so why do we have to be the unlucky bunch? I don’t understand. I look at people and see, hear, even feel others’ happiness. Why do we have to the odd ones out? What did we do?
My depression use to consume me, lately I just get days where ill hide away hopeless and miserable, other days ill feel ok and get on with life depending on how im distracting myself. Sometimes I question if im depressed or mentally ill, I do things people dont ordinarily do and hear voices. Im trying to be more positive for my boyfriend as he’s put up with so much for no reason other than he loves me, I want to change and be what he deserves, but its so hard trying to be happy and stay positive when things are happening to you that you […]
Well hey lovely people of suicide Project. I haven’t been here in awhile if you have noticed if any of you know who I am.
So awhile back I made a post about I Dye my hair. Its my self distraction from self harm. People seemed to like that so I think I’m going to make a journal hopefully everyday or maybe a cpl days or once a week in not sure yet. But I’m here for all of you. I wont judge because everyone needs a friend and you shouldn’t feel alone. So if I make a journal for you guys it’ll be self distractions […]
Had to ditch visiting my mum today cos I cant leave the house. Shes going thru a rough time but I still cant help her. Now im sitting hear hating myself, racked with guilt. The spiral begins. Been repeating this pattern for sooo long!!
she’s hurt and lost
crippled by all the pain she feels everyday
shes trapped and the doors are locked
there’s no one to help her
to hear her screams
to hear her drowning in her own blood
to hear she wants to leave this world
just to be heard by someone would give her hope back
but she’s empty
lost, lonley and dying
all she asks for is to be gone and never return
to leave all her crap behide
to leave the nobody she has behide
to just leave this useless place
Little angel go away and come again some other day,
The devil has my ear today I’ll never hear a word u say,
He promised I would find a little solace and some peace of mind whatever … just as long as I dont feel so,
Desperate and ravenous
So weak and powerless.
.
It’s that time of night again, when I am wide awake and all the rest of you are asleep.
SP is so quiet I can hear the sound of my disturbing thoughts rattling around like a tin can in a dark alley. The alley everyone knows you need to stay away from if you value your safety.
So many of us have been gone lately.
I miss AlanOminous, I miss ToTrees, I miss Mf.
I miss those of us who have gone, possibly gone forever.
And […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
has become more complicated. Face-to-face communication used to be vital, but now we can live our lives being online all day.
However, the truth of the matter is, we still need to see each other’s faces, read their expressions, hear their voices, so we can fully understand their emotions.
To coexist.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
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