There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Is this thing I’m living even worth calling a life?
Where the fuck is this thing going?
Where do I see myself 10 years?
I see myself a depressed fucked up doctor slaving it out for my family that I love so very much, and still floating around in this world not even connected with my own body, just to keep them happy.
When the fuck am I going to do something for me?
What do I want for me?
I WANT TO DIE!!
That’s what I want for myself. I don’t want this thing called life anymore. It serves no purpose for me. I find no joy whatsoever in being alive. […]
I started posting on here four years ago and I feel the same way that I did in the beginning, it’s nuts. Four years ago, I completely cracked, I try to keep it together, but it’s broken. I can’t fix it, can’t believe I’m going to live the rest of my life like this either.
How do I get my hands on antidepressants?
As in, how do I get the psychologist to prescribe me antidepressants? Its literally the only thing I went in for. I want to see if real pills will affect anything overtime, not those, “TODAY I WANT YOU TO TRY AND…”
I want some real, accurate method. Is there any way? What can I say? I don’t want to directly ask, what if they think I’m, I don’t know, forcing it for the wrong reasons? I don’t know at all. It was the main reason why I went for a psychologist. To see if real help will come my […]
“The problem lying behind the lack of human fulfilment was a shortage not just of time but of imagination. They found a day that worked for them and then stuck to it, and repeated it, at least between Monday and Friday. Even if it didn’t work for them – as was usually the case – they’d stuck to it anyway. Then they’d alter things a bit and do something a little bit more fun on Saturday and Sunday.
One initial proposal I wanted to put to them was to swap things over. For instance, have five fun days and two not fun days. That way […]
isit just me I feel like I have no purpose being here on earth I feel alienated I’m just floating though life like a leaf in the wind no real goals just making a mess of things no real meaning to be a live I no life is what u make it but I really haven’t got the energy to keep fighting we all end up in the same place anyways rich poor Healthly etc isit because I’m depressed anxious and suicidal and il been researching it sounds like iv got depersonalisation is that why I’m floating not connected to my body or isit just […]
OK, so, I’m not trying to, or planning to leap from one frying pan to another.
That said, part of my plan is to put a camping trailer in the woods. I already have said woods. Not an extraordinary trailer, just something around a 30 foot. Whatever I can find and negotiate on. It’s a roof, it’s cheap.
So my question, am I sealing my fate to be alone? Ladies, if you met a dude who lived in a camper, would it be an instant put off?
Had a gun to my head for several hours this morning, safety off, squeezing the trigger, the hammer pulling back, then letting off. Another night hardly any sleep.
Gotta move out of this shit dump in 19 days, no plan where to go next, fully overwhelmed, so much shit to move out, and so laying here in bed typing instead. Just at my breaking point.
Aimless, no plans.
I turned to the girl had over the other night and saw for the first time in the morning light a nasty cold sore planted firmly to the corner of her lip.
Great, may have an outbreak […]
I told you to move on and not look back
I thought I was clear when we made that pact
I told you so many times to go away
Why won’t you listen to the words I say
Leave me behind from where I fell
It is my own fault that I landed in hell
There is nothing you can do today or tomorrow
So let me drown in my own sorrow
There is a reason for this selfish request
Trust me when I say it is for the best
This pain and suffering is mine alone
This dark and cold place is now my home
Your presence is only making the pain worse
There is nothing you […]
I’ve been working a dead end job in a tiny racist town, known for being religious nutjobs, rednecks and KKK members. I could just end my story there and it would make sense, but im not done ranting.
My boss hired me under the table, so i do not pay taxes and cannot use my job on my resumee to find a new job. I pump gas 37.5 hours a week. There is no room for promotions or raises, i make minumum wage and forever will. My co-worker makes more than me, and works the exact same hours and the exact same job title. Ive been here […]
I do wonder were il be in the next 5 to 10 years or what il be doing and then on the other hand I wonder if il make it that far shit my life has fell apart and still not to sure why I’m hanging around for ? Isit that question WHAT IF ? Yeah maybe or do we just fear the unknown what good can come from emotional pain apart from self harming and suffering and heart break ? I look at my scars and think why didnt I push more deeper and just bleed out months ago or swollow a bunch of […]
Ruslana Korshunova, 20, leaped to her death from a lower Manhattan building in 2008.
Ruslana Korshunova was 20 when she plummeted from a building next door to her apartment in Manhattan’s financial district in 2008.
Interesting. In the picture below you can see her on the right. Look at the dress she’s wearing : the symbol on her dress. 
So, it seems he has some skinny tiny girl interested in him. She’s of course not pretty. Way too gaunt and malnourished looking, but that’s what he likes. Anorexic and underweight. She looks young and she has two babies exactly 9 months apart and I guess no baby daddies in the picture. WHY must every man want these sluts just because they’re anorexic??? I’ve accepted that I was born to be alone and never have love in my life, but it still hurts to see my dream guy getting close to someone.
I feel such a burden for the things going on in the world, in the US, in my community, in my family, in my church, in my own mind. I no longer feel capable of carrying it. It’s ripping me inside out. I can’t take the pressure or the pain. It’s all around me and inside of me. I can’t ignore it, but I can’t bear it either. This dread is eroding my spirit.
I didnt recieve any hope from these doctor visits, though I know have Cymbalta, so there’s that.
I’ve decided on a way to go. I know I’m not allowed to share. What I’m stuck on is the note, or if I need one. I’ll think on it on my way to work, or in the waiting room, and it eats at me like another inevitable arguement- but of course, this time there wouldnt be.
So why leave a note? They should know of what plagues me if they listened, and if they haven’t, fine. What of the other reparations.
Can I just have everything monetized, perhaps give […]
I woke up completely unhappy and lonely. I tried to take a shower, turned on the water and just collapsed into the corner. I was annoyed at myself afterward for leaving the water running, such a waste of water. I was in the corner for like an hour.
I don’t understand why I have to be this way! I walked into the kitchen afterward… and seen knives and had every desire in the world to end it right then and there. I ran to my bedroom and just got under the covers. I finally got strength from somewhere and started feeling a bit better, but I […]
So I can post whatever I want… And it won’t get indexed to Google under my username like in the past? Good riddance.
Over the months I have been trying to become more social. I went through a suicidal phase at the end of last year for about 3 months and it feels like its coming back. After being separated from work for “not fitting in”. Its tough for me to fit in with people that wont understand. I am a ex-army medic and how will they understand… we cannot show them… Tossed in the trash by the people you defended is pretty good reason to not be here anymore. To think I would have given my life for these people.
I’m so depressed it’s unreal and to make thing worst my poor mum is doing my part my depression and anxiety is so bad I hardly leave the house so when the kids come round my mum takes them to school in the morning I feel so bad I want to kil myself if I was dead and my mum was doing them things it would be ok but I’m alive and can’t do it so it makes me feel more useless then I already am
My step dad is drunk, he keeps yelling at my mom and saying how much he hates me. I was in the basement and he started yelling at me and calling me an asshole. My mom tried to get him to stop but then he attacked her and he grabbed by neck and pushed me against the wall. He’s never done this before, he keeps saying he’s getting a divorce and that it’s half my fault. I really don’t want him to hurt my mom or my sister.