If you read the comments on Alan’s post last night, you saw he requested a picture of a china doll and a honey badger eating sushi on a surfboard in the desert.
Actually it was a request for Hazy, but I decided I would try it too.
.
Tag:
in the
Given that death is inevitable for all, the pertinent question would seem to be: what do I want to do in whatever time is left.
There are things that I would like to do in my remaining time. But none of them are tangible, based in my real life. They require me to be other than I am. And I do not know how to be other than I am. I do not know how to give up being myself. I am addicted to it. Attached to it. Neurosis, unhappiness, unease is the way I define my reality. I cannot give it up. I cannot accept the […]
I almost posted some metaphorical thought based shit. Decided nah, fuck that. I ramble too fucking much.
I almost posted some deep internal , dump my heart out shit. Ironic I’m not really comfortable with that. Besides so many new faces, filling in the back story… fuck it.
I almost posted a funny ass song, well, I think it’s funny. I kind of over did that though.
So, here’s Twiztid-Darkness. I like the song. I like the video. It’s not overly goofy, or too deep to me. Just posting up to post up. Thinking on getting blitzed wasted tonight. I haven’t tasted booze in 7-8 months. Haven’t been […]
I haven’t posted for a while, but I have popped in to read when I’ve been feeling low. It makes me feel better to know there’s others out there who share a similar emptiness inside.
I was on before banging on about my complete and utter loneliness. – well I sorted it, found someone who loves me and miraculously who I love in return. But it’s not enough. I’m still empty inside. I thought love was the answer, but all I do is push him away I try his patience and now after 10 months he’s ‘almost’ had enough. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, […]
So I figure this question has been asked alot. But what would y’all do on ur last day on earth.?
I’ve thought about this alot, & what I come up with are things that im sure will remind me of how great the world can be. And then I will convince myself to not do it. Get in a slump some time in the future and want to cease to breath again. And once again play this whole freakin cycle over again. So I wonder if having a form of a bucket list is a good thing, or should one stay in the current […]
The only two friends that i have in college do not speak to me anymore.
I really liked them as my friends and i build a great friendly relationship with them but I’ve been noticing some strange behavior from them.
My two friends are guys and i’m a girl.
Anyways, we are all in the same class and I’ve been noticing that when i have a conversation with one of them- the other walks away.
And For example- we wrote a script individually for the class we are in and i asked both of them to be in it and one of them ask me […]
I just had a really weird mental image/clip. You know how in some cartoons or anime, a character’s morality is represented by an angel and devil… Well, my devil just shot the angel in the head at pointblank range then they disappeared.
They later reappeared and the angel committed seppuku (ritual cutting open the stomach) with the devil as the second (person who beheads the person whom committed seppuku.)
Is my subconscious trying to tell me something or am I just losing what is left of my mind? Rocketman, don’t you dare make a joke about how it’s not possible for me to lose my mind… If […]
If my parents ever divorced I wouldn’t be able to choose which one I’d live with. So from my previous post not long ago this memory came to me. My dad and I were in the parking lot at a restaurant about to go inside when my mom called in. I don’t remember what they talked about but when my dad hung up he was pissed. He asked me if I would want to go on a trip with him, England exactly, just him and me. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know why he was saying it. But it hurt. Did he want to […]
I don’t think all people have a purpose. I even think some people will be stepped on and overlooked through the entirety of their life. Not everyone can have a fairy tale life or like in the movies. It makes those people more miserable seeing people have things fall in place for them while they struggle so much. I just don’t get why assisted suicide isn’t a thing. I mean they would rather have abortions in hospitals than in their home or on the street. They both are deaths of a human being. Let suicide happen in hospitals where people can say goodbye.
I’ve been battling depression since the age of 13. In my community depression is seen as a sin. So I developed an outer shell that showed the world all was well. At 33 almost 34 married to a loving wife and 2 beautiful daughters, how is it that I can be so blessed yet so empty? Why do I consider death as a reprieve?
People, when I have broached the subject tell me it’s all in my mind, I opened up to my wife and she says she’ll help but is indifferent towards me now. I’m not even hanging on by a thread and up […]
To harm any innocent life is only to harm the love of the world.This is what i have always lived by.Im in the bathroom at this very second pondering my way out of life.i know im sick,every small decision and trouble i face in the road leads to the ultimate solution. Im suppose to be getting married in 9 days,and im only 19.i wish i had made a diffrent career choice so that i could give this perfecr girl everything that she deserves. The army isnt for me,and every day that goes by i regret joining.i live in constant fear of the world around me.getting […]
It’s almost midnight and I’m actively trying to recruit my friend to pick me up to drive me to a bar to drink with me… even though I have work tomorrow. So I’m writing this high on some weed I smoked with a complete stranger who I met at this group addiction meeting. I feel like a fuck up and a failure as my therapist runs the meeting and she let me go for free and I fucked things up.
The meeting really made me question my use of drugs but also made me so scared to be sober. I hate myself when I use drugs […]
Lately I can’t stop feeling like this world is such a difficult place to be in. Obviously, it is, for like 90% of people. But, when I say it, I think so deeply about it. The overpopulation, unemployment, homelessness- so many good and intelligent people with no place to sleep, let alone work. And then I am here. Not necessarily privileged, but certainly more than many, having had a good education, enough money, and a place to live. Is that fair? Do I deserve what so many people could only dream to have.
I complain about this life, my life, and I can’t stop the misery I get […]
So there is one hand washing the other , high using low or low protecting corrupted . It doesn’t matter to me anymore, I cannot father a child because of the danger of mental illness and unequal treatment that could happen to a child of mine. I continue to be a victim everyday , and they are relentless in the torment. Bullied and intimidated into isolation . There was a chance 3 years ago when I sent my human rights complaint to make this right, but they went left. It’s TO LATE now , this can not be forgiven , remedied , made up for […]
My head really hurts, stress out, depressed, I want to escape this reality. It has been a month since I locked up myself, not meeting anyone, watching movies and dramas for escaping this reality. Hoping I could change my life. I really hate when I wake up in the morning and have to get back to reality. I dont know how to solve this problem. I want to change my life and I have many regrets. I have no one to talk to. Crying alone in my room, hoping I could escape this reality.
Its only halfway thru the day & I have already been in the work bathroom crying twice. !!! Not coping today at all. Will update after work. If I make that far. I hate mondays.
I see my therapist on Friday, and I haven’t done anything I was supposed to do over the last few weeks before our appointment. It was all anxiety-related stuff, and I haven’t even given it a second thought. I’ve been too preoccupied with the building anxiety over the voices and Bree instead.
I think it’s safe to say the weird mood I’ve been in for over a month has completely and utterly dropped. I can’t even remember what it was, but something made me snap the other day and I’ve felt awful since. Or maybe I’ve just slipped into the depression-side of this hyperactive episode – […]
So it’s almost 5 am where I live and I can’t sleep. I feel like a failure. I tried to make things better. I went to the psychiatrist and got meds, been to therapy every week, I am even trying to get insurance approval for TMS… I went to work every day like I’m supposed to. But nothing seems to be improving. If anything, the depakote makes me feel so numb, like everything is grey. I feel like I’m just jumping through hoops, going through the motions.
But I am hopeful about the TMS. It’s the only thing left I haven’t tried besides ECT. I wonder […]
I’ve been through a lot in the few short years that I have been alive. 26. I’m a father. Prior service. U.S. Army. Bowling champion. Weapons expert. I’ve personally battled childhood obesity. At the age of 17 I weighed over 375. Within the year and a half I lost 175lbs. Enlisted and cultivated my life. Held friends in my arms as they passed away. Saved my family as our house burnt to the ground. Since 2007 I have attempted suicide 5 times. I took over 300 sleeping pills. Loaded shotgun to my chest. CO inhalation. Alcohol poisoning. And short suspension hanging. The pills made me […]
Don’t you just love it when you’re family, who you’re not with most the day, tell you that “you’re so fat! how much can you eat?! Just stop eating the entire house!” when you’re just making a egg sandwich and its the first thing you’ve eaten for 1 and half days. Now they’re telling me I’m wasteful for leaving a boiled egg in the fridge. why don’t I just don’t eat ever again. why don’t I just not eat anything so I’m never wasteful. How about I just die so I’m wasting any of your time, not wasting space in your house, not doing anything […]