I’ve stopped taking my meds in hopes of bringing back all the shittiness and to maybe store meds for if I ever decide to kill myself and I tell myself that it’s better than feeling numb but I honestly just hate myself and I feel so uncomfortable unless my chest is bound and I don’t know why. but I just wanna fucking die. I’m so tired and I hate myself and I can’t find the energy to do anything and I can’t reach out to anyone and my mom won’t stop preaching about god and I’m all alone and fuck. I really just wanna die. […]
Last night, I had my 18th birthday. I invited 13 people. And only 4 showed up. We made so much food. The evidence of people not coming is still here. People just told me they couldn’t come last minute. I felt shitter as the night went on.
I had a 3 tier cake. A fire pit to roast marshmallows. Cocktails. Multiple games. In the end it didn’t matter what was at the party people still didn’t show.
It was half an hour until two of my friends showed. They were the first guests. I thought they were the only ones coming until another two showed up. I felt […]
Hii… My name is Arianna, yesterday I posted on here that I tried to overdose… I did try, but fortunately it did not kill me.. I’ve been vomiting for 2 hours now.. Idk what I took, all I know it had 600 milligrams (is it milligrams or am I just dumb?) for each pill. I took 30, at the least… I did not go to the hospital and yes my parents found out.. I had told them I was bisexual and that I selfharm.. We didn’t go to the hospital because my mom thought she would lose her job ._. My mom told me that […]
So about six weeks ago, I took an overdose. Clearly, it didn’t kill me, lol. Since then I’ve been overwhelmed with people trying to help. Counselling, reviews, going through my post.
I had an assessment yesterday. I guess breaking someone down into tiny little pieces is a good way of hammering it home that they’re not really in a good place. Ha. No, I’m sure that man was only trying to do his job, the only way he knows how, and I guess it’s whoever taught him that’s to blame.
He wanted to know if I would like to see the self-harm team. No. I think I […]
I write this because I assume we won’t talk again. Sorry.
From an extra letter I wrote that I planned to send you.
Four years I loved you. We were always close throughout middle school. We always hung out, talked, walked, everything. I missed talking to you until one of us fell asleep, or walking you home, or our long hugs, or even hearing when people would ask me if we were a couple. I guess even though I am no longer in love with you, I still miss those things. I remember everything, you know. I remember when I first found out I was in love […]
I just had one of those days where it will suddenly hit me that life is an unpredictable little fucker. Even if I’m the main character of my own story, protagonists still die.
Sometimes I feel so confident that I wouldn’t die today. And it’s just really funny.
Sometimes, I think I won’t die unless I want to.
I feel so confident that the one who’ll kill me is me.
And that’s really funny.
Still desperate to die.
Why won’t they take pity on me? Oh god please do one good thing for me and kill me.
Here is me.
I am like the Great Attractor for bullies
Everybody around me are either sadists, bullies or a quiet bystander.
People accuse ME of something that I did NOTHING wrong.
I am suffering from severe depression.
I have thought about at least 3 suicidal thoughts when I go to school.
I HATE school.
99% of the time when I get bullied or when I fall down or get a cut NOBODY helps me.
Teachers do nothing about the bullying or sometimes even bully me.
People don’t quite understand me.
I get bullied AT LEAST 5 TIMES A DAY.
I am NOT exaggerating.
I just (by “just” I meant a week ago) took an online test, it said I am Type IV gifted! “The type IV gifted are the angry and […]
I diagnosed myself to be a schizoid, but due to self-diagnosis, people may laugh it off, but I know myself very well.
I have no desire to live, or to die. I see no real meaning to continue living. Everyone has to die, isn’t it? It also seems to be the quicker way to get rid of the boredom I have had all my life. Though my circumstances are just as bad as any other suicidal person, I have no real emotional attachment to anything in life. I live alone in Japan, though I was not raised here, hence I don’t even speak japanese.
There is no […]
I’m 32, I failed at life. I suffer from PTSD because of sexual abuse during my childhood. I’m seeing a therapist, I’ve had lots of therapy in the past and I just can’t seem to get myself together. I hate it, I feel lonely. I know I don’t want to die but this is not living either. Ptsd symptoms started showing about 10 years ago when I fell in love, we broke up 1,5 years ago. I just felt like I was getting worse and worse. It’s hard to come by financially and I’m just tired of fighting of feeling like this . I’m done […]
I have been feeling the icy tendrils of depression wrapping around my ankles for a few weeks now. The mist of bored distress have filled my mind. I can’t concentrate on school… This is not good. I am finding it more difficult to stay positive and use my healthy coping skills. In my head it sounds like a screaming saw “Cut, cut, cut” and I can only visualize the plethora of methods to take my life. I jumped off an overpass once… Broke my leg… Obviously it didn’t kill me. Now I know better. I am afraid of those hesitation marks. The ones that hurt. […]
I wrote 2890 words in 68 minutes. It’s for my essay that has a word limit of 2000, and it’s still not finished. I only stopped because my laptop died and I’ve lost the charger. Usually it would take me between 2-3 hours to finish it. I did it in 1. One of the only upsides to all this energy right now.
I have college tomorrow, the essay was due in last Monday and I was off so I needed it for tomorrow morning. Oh well.
I was talking to an old friend online earlier. Needlessly to say, they are barely my friend right now. They said […]
Hello. Lately I’ve been feeling less like a piece of shit than usual. However, I’m positive that I’ll have a freak out sooner or later. Since I’ve been on SP for a week I might as well talk about the first and only time I’ve ever attempted suicide. And by that I mean a half-baked attempt that would have just landed me in the hospital with a stomach ache or not even that. So this was a few years ago and my depression was the worse it had ever been. My parents had just got done yelling at me for a $20 dollar fee I […]
I am wrong all the time and im stupid and crazy I want to die I cant take it no more . I am ridiculed for not having money but I havr no help..I have been in this motherfucking town for almost one month . my job as I see it get to the office and make money every body eles can go fuck them slefs. I dont need to put a cup of coffe for my father in law or be apart of this family I dont want to play scategory or Monopoly…. And fucking play house I was told I was gonna make […]
It’s strange. Just some minutes ago I was feeling numb and empty and now my feelings are taking me down. I stare out of the window asking myself “Well, would those stones really kill me if I jumped with my head ahead on them?” Then my other voice decides for me: “Too risky, the chance of surviving and end up in a clinic with everyone thinking you’re mad and idiotic and eventually leaving you too is just WAY too high…” Wow. My mind sure knows how things work and what makes me feel better again. Not.
I’m in this I-hate-myself-can’t-do-anything-anymore-but-being-depressed-I-just-wanna-die mood again, if you know […]
So it seems like every time things seem okay then they just go to shit. Today I was driving my car when the engine died, but the car was still going because the speed I was already traveling at. Since the engine died the brakes and power steering went out right before a curve in the road so I had to try and get the car around the curve. I did and I got it stopped. I wish I would have been going faster when it happened so I could have just let the car go and let it kill me.
My job has stopped giving […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
As always, I’ve been thinking too much. If I didn’t think as much and as deeply as I do I’m certain I wouldn’t be suicidal and I’d be a much happier person. But I can see the truth about myself and it’s going to make me kill me.
I used to be better than this. I’ve been slowly declining over several years but it was only a little over a year ago when I started to realize there was a time limit on my facade of success. It has been a torturously slow spiral but sometimes I can feel the way it will speed up until I […]
(this will be my suicide note)
yo, so yeah i’m dead….pretty ironic how i’d say id kill myself so many times..but hey, i might be better idk…but um yeah tell dan, phil, mcr, atl, tyler and josh i love them
by m8 -the lving meme melz
p.s kys
Well , today’s not the day, though I wish it was.
Everything is pretty fucked.
A decent size hunk of flesh is missing from my foot. Not sure where it went. Or how/why? But now it’s a big open wound.
Maybe I should just let it get infected and kill me.
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