It started when I was really young. I started writing suicide letters to my mother at the age of 5. Â Around age 7, I wasn’t very smart and I attempted to choke myself with my own hands not knowing it wouldn’t work. Around age 11, I took sleeping pills and then took a bath lying on my stomach, hoping I would drown as I slept. Since then I haven’t attempted suicide but I have frequently thought about it. I started cutting myself last year. I never ever cut deep because it scared me but I enjoyed the pain. I started cutting because I truly hated […]
Tag:
Loneliness
1. So recently a girl who I saw at school for five months was killed… We hadn’t spoken in eight months…. I don’t know what to do. She was so bright and when ever I was around her I felt like it was okay to be myself because she was so accepting of me. Unlike other people in my past. But now she’s gone and I don’t know what to do. She was so beautiful and so amazing. I miss her so much and all I can say is heaven gained a beautiful angel that will be missed dearly.
2. I FREAKING RELAPSED! I hate […]
I love all kinds of music. However there’s few songs that grab hold and this is one. I could die listening to this. Â (Not that I am, just saying)
So what would your last song be?
I wrote this a long time ago, in my teens when I was first coming to terms with my depression and feeling suicidal. This was one of the many many poems I wrote going through a really bad time. Thought some of you might relate or have at some point.
I can’t bare to go on much longer
These suicidal feelings continue to grow stronger
The only escape is in my sleep
I’ve dug this whole and now I’m in to deep
Don’t act like you know how I feel
For you see this life of mine is surreal
Still praying you hear my desolate […]
I had a friend. Her cell phone stopped working. I couldn’t reach her any other way but through the computer. She lived too far away for me to see in person. She would disappear for months at a time after mentioning how she was feeling down and depressed. I couldn’t take the constant worrying about her. So, in one of those rare occasions when she was actually around, I snapped at her a bit. I let her know how much I worried and how much it hurt, trying to get in contact with her and then- Nothing. I guess she must have understood for a […]
(I’d like to apologize for what I’m writing here is not coherent.)
It is about 01:09 am, and I’m alone in my dorm room.
At the moment, I’m crying. I must say that I’ve been fighting the tears for a long time, and right now, here they are, running down my face.
I’m the invisible one, and for some reason, I don’t mind it at all. The only thing I regret is not having any reliable friend with whom I can talk openly. I’m about to turn 18, I’ve never had any capital-f Friend, and I highly doubt I’ll have any.
I spend most of time surrounded by books […]
My social isolation has increased since I entered my thirties two years ago. I have been single for some time. My friends have all settled into marriage and are now beginning the project of making babies. As they develop, I’m left behind. The more I stagnate, the more they pity me. The more they pity me, the less inclined they are to spend what little spare time they have with me. Exchanges become awkward. The result is that I’m not stagnating, I’m regressing. My alienation from others is cresting into hatred. I was raised and still live in NYC, where extreme privilege is now always […]
Tonight was the night i felt i needed someone there.
I usually love being on my own and never felt alone,
but tonight has been different…
I would love a boyfriend, but i wouldnt want them to
have to go through my problems and mood swings.
Would be very unfair on them, so maybe being single
is the decision for now?!
I should be studying for my quantitative management exam I have tomorrow morning. I should be applying for internships for the summer. I should be out and laughing with friends. I should snuggling up with my ex-boyfriend. I should be watching Dirty Dancing with my best friend. I should be the happy go- lucky 20 year old that everyone expects me to be. But I’m not. Instead I sit here alone contemplating what my life is really worth.
I’ve always had that side of me that was never happy, and sometimes it would rear its ugly head and tell me how pathetic, worthless, unsuccessful, unattractive, […]
My kind of suicide isn’t suicide at all, as funny as that may sound.
The way I see it is that I don’t have to take my own life, life will take it for me. All I have to do is live. I mean, even if I get stricken with cancer I can be thankful I won’t live to an old age where I’m helpless, just get it over with. That’s worth the pain I think. I’ve seen an old friend die of cancer, in comparison to other ways one can go out, it didn’t seem that bad the way it hit him quick. And […]
Kinda pathetic having this realization from an anime of all things but it actually spoke to me better than most people can. Anyways its this show called Watamote and it just had its final episode. Its about social anxiety ,loneliness, generally just things that I could relate these past few years (frustration from trying to make friends, no love life, no sense of fulfillment) which is the reason I started watching it and basically it ended on the note that after all she did nothing has changed and shes still lonely but the thing is she just laughs it off and says “it doesnt matter […]
Every night I lie down in bed and resolve that tonight I am not gonna sleep until i sort it all and find a way out. but within 15 minutes i fall asleep, and wake up next morning only to find that nothing is sorted and i will have to live another day in confusion and restlessness. I don’t know why I can’t accept the fact that there is no answer and all these are just excuses.
P.S. – I know there are people here who can’t get easy sleep. but as it is said – one doesn’t know the value of thing until its gone. […]
I need really to talk.
I got a whole buch of meds just beside me. I don’t know if it’s enough, but it’s all I got. I got a whole bottle of wine already.
I feel lonely. I’m 33 years old years.Thanks I got already a therapist. Doesn’t help that much.
I’ve been chasing the same guy for two years and half. I’ve met a guy a few days ago who just don’t reply anymore to text messages. Even though he seem very interested.
I met a girl last month. She just told me today I “was a nice person” but she met someone else. It’s rare I got […]
I have to write this down or let anyone know, it just has to be off my chest.
I feel so goddamn lonely, like nobody really gives two shits about me. I know it’s not true, yet I can never seem to shake the feeling. It just seems like everyone forgets about me, like I’m not important to anyone. My friends are all just moving on so fast and forgetting about me, while I’m still stuck in the pain and grief over my brothers suicide. They don’t understand me but also never seem to try. They’re all leaving me behind and I’m so scared. I have […]
My home life really isn’t as bad as some here. But, I’m not going to say it is spactacular, because I would not be telling the truth.
But at home, there is always conflicts. People are always unhappy. And if I want to talk to anyone in my family about my feelings of depression or emptiness or loneliness, they get shoved asside. When I went to the mental home last year and my parents found I was suicidal, it was more like, you’re turning your back on god, or, how could you be so selfish?
I never want to be a greedy person or selfish, […]
We are all created to make our own decisions whether to allow or not ourselves to experience loneliness, anger and despair.
I have always easily pondered on my pain (physical and emotional). I am human so I will always regress but I also know the truth- that I am important, you are important. Even though I do not know any of you who visit these boards, I love you and want you to know that your life, your existence is very important. I have struggled with losing family, people I knew in nursing homes and through documentaries of those in Hospice. You may not know or […]
I am a failure in all ways that matter to me i cant stay away from drugs and they no longer even numb my pain the one i love with all my heart is to afraid what it would mean to love me to be gay even tho he has said if he was he would marry me and has considered it…..he claims he cares and that i am a good man but he was raised to hate gays even tho he does not hate me??? yet his ex he hates and is always fighting with but uses for a booty call will spend a […]
So here’s the thing.
Oct 3rd is when I get married and its coming up pretty fast. I know this should be a grandest time in my life but the truth is, I am just not that happy about it.
The man I am marrying is the greatest, generous person in the world. He really is just that wonderful.
But I cheated on him. :\
I am not going to make excuses for what I have done because I was fully aware of what I was doing and wanted to do.
I can honestly say I have never been a cheater. Even with all the shitty ass boyfriends I went […]
I can’t take the emotional pain anymore. I’ve tried so many different anti-depressants. Do I need ECT? I just want some ******** to leave this world peacefully. I’m never going to accept my sexuality. I have unwanted same-sex attraction and at the same time want a family life. I’m 42 and time is running out. What’s the point of all this? Please god intervene, save this soul from hell and let me die peacefully. Psychiatrists, psychologists, support groups, friends, family, exercise, tried everything but I’m constantly thinking about suicide. Yes, I have some things going on in my life which I appreciate, BUT THE LONELINESS […]