There are a number of tasks I need to do today, but I lack the emotional drive for any of them. An exam. Work. What does any of it matter? What’s to stop me from ending it all? What are the moments I live for? Most of the moments in my life are all pretty boring since I spend them by myself anyway. I claim to have aspirations like traveling, maybe agriculture later on, and going to Japan (if only to visit Aokigahara), but when I think about it, none of these things really seem like they’d be that fun since I ‘d have no […]
You were very kind and composed something for me.
In return I present to you Cordless: Two Views.
Plus french horn, because of COURSE french horn.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuCcMPKOy8c
Thank you for supporting so many of us here, even in your darkest moments.
feel free totally derail this post in the most disturbing ways possible. I’m headed off to bed.
HDS
On top of the many reasons for contemplating suicide, there is one that seems odd to even me. A lot of my reasons are about pain and suffering that I dont want to endure anymore. But this one is different.
Sometimes I wish I would commit suicide so when people find out they can have that moment of realization thinking “ohhh so he was that disturbed to the point of suicide”. And I like to think about people from my distant past too. There have been so many moments in my life that my interaction with people can be reduced to conflict and a degrading, judgmental […]
Well I made it thru today with only a few minor scratches and awkward moments at work. To those of u who commented this morning (my time), may ur karmic bank accounts overflow!! Without spewing too many platitudes u guys really helped. Example….where I wouldve gone to the bathroom at work and watched YouTube videos of the golden gate bridge and budd dwyer repeatedly, I just checked ur comments on my post. I reckon that’s much healthier behaviour. Hang tough mofos and try to keep it together. That’s all I can do atm.
Imagine you are in an emotional crisis and you need to feel comfort and consolation, so you turn to the photo album you keep. You open it, hoping to find good memories from those few moments in the past when everything seemed okay, even if only for a short while.
But when you open the photo album, it is mostly blank and empty. 90% of the pictures have been removed, and you are left with nothing more than what your spotty memory can recall.
This is how I feel when I go back through SP, trying to re-live good memories from favorite fun conversations in the past– […]
i don’t know what to write here. i just feel bad. angry, bitter, the works. nothing makes me happy these days. i’ve fallen back on a lot of old, terrible habits. i’ve gained more weight from binge eating. i’m stressed because the weather is getting warmer, but i have new scars littering my arm that prevent me from wearing short sleeves. my brother still hates me. my best friend doesn’t feel like a friend anymore. i majorly fucked up my gpa and my standing in school, which means my chances of transferring to another university, never mind a good one, have become incredibly slim. my […]
Today someone was talking about suicide and he said no matter how bad it was it would get better. He then offered an anecdote of how he had a friend who had a friend who wanted to kill herself, and when she called up the friend and told him she wanted to kill herself and listed all the reasons why, he told her she was right but that she should wait a year, and then she did, and within a year her life had turned around, she was happy, etc. I want to know, where do people even come up with this bullsh*t?? do they just assume […]
You know what sucks tbh?
It’s the moments where you’re doing fine-in fact, better.
You feel like you can get through the day and that things will be okay.
But then something happens.
It could be the smallest thing.
The feeling when it all comes crashing down.
The moment you feel like it’s all gone wrong.
Honestly, you just wanted to have a decent day-maybe just a “neutral” day.
A day where it doesn’t suck too much.
Just the days where you can actually breathe.
The routine-sleeping, doing whatever it is you do, then sleeping again.
Forgetting how shitty you feel, even if it leaves […]
This is just a repeat of my usual tedious bullshit.
I don’t think I have it in me to live a worthwhile life. I can’t connect with anyone. Not really. The best I can do is to fake it (some of the time.) It stops me from ever really enjoying the moment. No matter where I go or what I do, I’m always dragging around this barrier in my mind, distancing me from everything.
So my life, in itself, is not worth living. I can’t be one of the happy, successful, functional people. No fun social life, no real friends, no partner, no kids, no fulfilling career […]
I’ve concluded that it will be my fav knife that I will use to end it. With a quick, maybe angry, jab in the neck I’ll get to watch all my red flow out like a river and feel the pleasant sting as that freeing embrace of death comes ever closer. I will enjoy thoses last moments more so than any in the past.
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I’m from England but it seems everybody else on here is American? I don’t even know if I’ll stay on this site. For now I’m just using it as a ranting place. My mum finally let me keep my own tablets. I’m scared because sometimes I get so depressed that I have moments where I feel like nothing is real, like I don’t really exist so it wouldn’t matter if I died. If it happens again, I don’t want to fail again. Maybe I should jump instead.
I hate this fat unlovable unattractive unnecessary pimple filled lonely face. I hate being constantly reminded of my romantic/sexual irrelevance to women. Im tired of working out and eating better just to pig out and ruin it. Im tired of being ugly. The moments that give me peace are the moments where my chest/heart go funny. I know its just the caffeine and bronkaid effecting me. I wish I could just die. I’m tired of being poor irrelevant lonely fat and depressed. Im tired of it it makes me sick. Sick of living sick of everything. No one will ever want me. I try to […]
I’ll be honest i don’t like being on this site. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t you guys its just i rather not feel the need to post. I’m sure that you all can relate. No one wants to live in depression. That said I come back because I have these moments of pure depression. I try to tell myself in these moments i should accept that I feel this way and stop beating myself up for being beaten by life. I work all but 1 day in a culture full of depression triggers. This feeling is as natural as getting sick from a peanut […]
its weird how a few cuts to the wrist can take away so much pain from inside can distract my mind from eating me alive for them few moments everything is ok I’m in control I feel alive its proberly the only time I actually feel comfortable with myself until I stop all my problems seem to go away but the demons will be back soon And il get lost in my thoughts once again
There are so many moments during my day where I reach a moment of defeat then quickly resort to thinking suicide is the solution. I notice that the issue is far too deep to fix and I don’t have the energy to be able to fix it. But when it comes to the end of the day where I’m suppose to make the decisions and get the things I need, I go numb.
At this moment of my life I’m soooo bad with choices and it’s making this final one harder.
I just want my suffering to end, my heart is foolish enough to think it’s going […]
Thank you all to everyone that has stood by me tonight in one way or another. Thank you for the company over the last year but more importantly over the last 2 days.
You have all been amazing.
I know so many of you if not all of you do not understand my choice and that is okay. You have all given me a great departing gift. Please continue to take care of one another as you always have. Our minds never have to be on the same page just support one another.
Now, I will ready myself for my exit. Is it wrong that I am going […]
I’m gay, this is the first time I’ve said it to others. I’m to scared of living with myself if I come out because of the people around me, but I feel like I’m dying on the inside. I have people I care about and people I love, but I don’t want to put them in this situation of having to deal with my gay ass. I have a gay friend I like but she’s the definition of a hoe, but she has her moments. Then I have a straight friend that just leaves me breathless every time she speaks. I want to just be […]
Not sure what to write…..so I am just gonna write. No editing, no revisions.
Didn’t think it possible that it would hurt this bad.
I hung everything on the line, sacrificed it all….and have nothing to show for it….
I guess the one thing I always really wanted was a woman to save me. Save me from myself…..
Now here I am where I started, and in worse shape. I would give everything to go back in time and do it all over again…..to relive the happy moments. To change the way things ended up
But that can’t happen. Life does not work like that….
I […]
I’m in a fairly blissful mood atm. Its probably the chicken wings. The game is about to start. Im semi rooting for Carolina because im in South Carolina. I honestly could care less though. I just hope the Comercials aren’t annoying. I’m in a pretty zen mood. I usually post when im suicidal. I figured I’d post when I’m not. Ive been through to much not to enjoy the peaceful moments.
Edit: I wrote this the other night when I was drunk, guess it’s just posted now…
In my current drunken state…we’re not as different as we feel. The people who we feel are far more “normal” as us are fighting similar battles as us. I’m sure I will feel far different as a sober me, but just know that the thoughts that bring us close to suicide are actually the same thoughts that bring us closer to others. In your moments of weakness and loneliness, try to have faith that you’re not as f-ed up and as alone as you feel….distant love to all <3.
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