Every opportunity I had I wasted, every decision I made was the wrong one. Every time I ask myself how I wound up where I am, the answer is always the same: Step by step. It was my own choices that brought me here, and my next choices, whatever they are, will get me out of here. That’s the killer… what I do next is decisive. I either choose not to wait, and abandon hope, or choose to wait, and maintain it. Then I ask… why? Why suffer? Just so I can make money that goes out as quickly as it comes in? To pay […]
Hello. Im at school right now. I should be studying but I’ve got to decompress first. I don’t think people want me atound. I don’t feel well. Do you ever wish you could stick your hand inside your head and rip out the things you don’t like about yourself? I would like to rip out the thing inside my head that makes me feel weird when around others. I wish I could stop caring. I don’t feel well. I don’t want it anymore. Back to studying. Thanks for listening.
I’ve come to the realization that I will never understand people or connect with them. Yet, I can’t escape biology and instinct…
So, I will save myself the headache and quit this game early. Despite what others may think, this is a logical decision to me. I’ve tempted fate and tested instinct. I don’t have that instinct to survive. If I was on a deserted island with easy to get food and water, I bet I would still starve to death…
lately I’ve been completely hopeless, alone, and depressed. I feel sorry for everyone in my life, having to deal with me, I’m so pathetic. I cut myself this whole school year and recently my parents found out, they haven’t looked at me the same, i hate feeling pity from others based on the choices i made, I’m such a *****, i don’t deserve the kindness. I’ll never forgive myself on the choices i’ve made, i’m done, done with the self pity, the apologies, the secrets, and most of all I’m done with myself, i can’t even look at myself in he mirror anymore, I’m ugly […]
I’ve been on SP for a few months now and one thing I’ve noticed is some people stick around for a while. …others just post once or twice and poof, they’re gone. Maybe things got better or they just got bored or dead. Who knows. I always have the hope that things got better but when I found this place I was not in a good space in my head. I guess I wanted to say thank you to anyone who’s spent the time to chat with me about anything. I appreciate all the words and music and art. We have a good group going […]
Everything is my fault it seems , I can’t be happy for more than a two hours , I’m giving up , I push everyone away so they won’t get hurt when I’m gone , and maybe by making people hate me it won’t be so hard . I’m giving up and I’m counting down the days . I can’t wait to be free from everything I can’t wait to be somewhere where I can be happy . I have given up and I have set my mind . I hope I can help others I hope one day people won’t be so sad that […]
Here’s my suicide story
Last year was the most difficult and sad time of my entire life not only for me but for my family and friends. Having struggled for many months with severe depression and for many years with self injury, I decided to try and take my own life and overdosed on my antidepressants. I just wanted a relief from the pain I had to deal with on a day to day basis that consumed every aspect of my life. I had never felt so desperate in my entire life. 2015 would be the start of a series of suicide attempts and hospital admissions […]
I sit alone in my house, overwhelmed by emptiness which I must admit sounds like a strange sensation. It began in my chest and climbed its way up my throat and just sat there. The pressure is unbearable and it is a struggle to breathe. I can feel my heartbeat pounding in my head and I lay down and concentrate on my breathing. Breathing in I try and count to 9 then attempt to hold the air in my lungs for 9 seconds before breathing out slowly for 9 seconds. I read online that this was meant to help. It does to an extent. Although […]
Dammit. I try so friggin hard to keep my mouth shut, but I can’t seem to isolate myself properly. Nobody should have to deal with my sad BS, but I am and always will be a whiney, stupid loser. I get weak, and I cave, and I burden others with my helpless garbage. Gah. I wish I could get some rest and turn my brain off.
Someone. Anyone. Please. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t handle the noise. I can’t handle the pressure. Fake smiles. Teary eyes. Mirrors that hide the truth. No one to talk to.
Do any of us on this site even deserve what’s being handed to us? We don’t get a choice in how our life becomes, so why do we have to be the unlucky bunch? I don’t understand. I look at people and see, hear, even feel others’ happiness. Why do we have to the odd ones out? What did we do?
I’m just feeling pretty hopeless tonight. I don’t post much. I don’t talk much in real life either, at least, not about how I feel. But tonight, I know I won’t sleep with this poison inside of me. I feel hopeless on every level. Individually, I am worthless and talentless and broken from a violent and turbulent childhood. I am so mentally and emotionally taxed that I am losing the ability to function normally. Someday soon, this is going to catch up with me and likely destroy my life. Relationally, I don’t know how to be open in friendships or to be vulnerable romantically or to […]
i am so sick and tired of living this fucking life… I am just a waste of space and time in this IDIOTIC world… I am an introvert and i hate the all people who are hypocrites that live only their lives in such a way (self image, dressing, hairstyle, money and materials appearance) so that they can accepted and liked by other people. Yes i am a short and an unattractive person and so i don’t have any chance out there but let me tell you what, i DON’T GIVE A FUCK since i hate those guy more than i hate myself.
I fucking […]
I know I fucked up my last chance with her… Why she added me in the first place, both of us have no idea. Show me the question mark already instead of tormenting me with false hope! Does she really think I LIKE hurting people!? That I’m one of those psychopaths that get a kick from hurting others! Tch, if that’s the case, someone please explain to me why I feel like shit whenever I hurt someone, why I feel remorseful that I can’t feel empathy for others, why I know I will never forgive myself for throwing away the best thing to ever happen […]
I do not belong in this world. For the sake of others, I will not permit them to keep me anchored here.
Hello. I’m very uncertain about a lot of things. I’m not even really sure that I’m suicidal. I think about killing myself all the time and I even daydream about how I would do it. But if I was really suicidal, wouldn’t I have already done it by now? Literally I could just go into the kitchen while everyone’s asleep, get a knife, cut my throat, and lie down on the bed. But every time I’m at my lowest and feel the urge to do it, I just can’t bring myself to do it. I guess I’m too afraid. I imagine I’m put in situations […]
Hello. I think I’m running out of steam. I just don’t really care anymore. It’s a hassle to get up in the morning, I stopped talking to a lot of people, my grades are starting to slip (yes I’m in high school), my teachers and other students are getting visibly frustrated when dealing with me. I just don’t really care anymore. I try my best to put up this front that I’m fine, but I’m starting to lose motivation for that too. It’s starting to show, and I can’t afford another freak out and get sent back to therapy. I’m tired. And I feel shitty […]
I just wanted to say thank you to all who share. I like to share sometimes, but I have a really hard time commenting on others posts. I know how much it means to me when people comment on my posts, so I wish I would do it more for others. The reasons I don’t is because I’m worried that I’ll either sound dumb or give advice that does harm. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if someone hurt themselves because something I said was taken wrongly.
It’s so weird that I want to kill myself, but would do anything to help stop others from […]
Hello, I’m Ruana. Just felt I should at least give that for a short introduction since I’m a new ‘un. Hello, I hope to learn something about myself, help others (my greatest hope for however long I stay), and perhaps get a little better myself. A week or two ago I started crying when I texted a friend of mine, “I’ll get better, okay?” I want to add that I felt my words weren’t good enough to be here or right enough or something enough, but well, here I am. Nice to meet you.
Now to the topic of my title, or well the more intriguing […]
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This made sence .
Find myself repeating to my old habit. To be alone secluding myself keeping away from others. Not Wanting to talk to anyone . Constantly being angry all the time when others are playing and having just outside my room I sit in bed try to ignore them and I try to go to sleep but instead I just think of how useless how worthless nothing unhappy how sad I am and feel bad for a worthless piece of piece […]
I’ve seemed to stumble into a place where everyone tells lies to me. Those I love, those I am of service to, those I call family, my society, my government, my country, my species, and even myself. If that is not a hard concept to grasp, or even handle, I don’t know what is. We are all living in a place where it is rewarded to lie, but the moment you are caught, you pay colossal penalties. Not only does it feel like everyone is against everyone, we have decided that, as a whole, “all for one” was the best way to achieve greatness; unknowingly […]
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