I like to take long showers. Under the falling water, the mud that covers my body constantly disappears. They know that, so they don’t allow me to take long showers.
I like to make myself scars. I obviously don’t like the pain that it implies to make them, but I like to have them. The bigger the better. No, not in the wrists, that’s disgusting. On my chest, on my stomach.
Why? Because I like to see a physical proof that I’m fighting, that this horrible war isn’t just inside my head.
I like to see myself in the mirror to watch my scars. They […]
Tag:
pain
We, as a country, have compassion for those who wish to end their lives due to ongoing physical pain or a terminal illness. Many support euthanasia in these circumstances. Why not with terminal mental health issues? Ongoing psychological pain?
I’m going to start writing stories about suicide on here. And this is going to be my first one. (by the way, the reason why I used veil so much was because I had originally wrote this for one of my homework assignments, and oh well if some parts don’t make sense)
Every day she would walk the halls veiled. She would wear a big smile, but the smile was never real. She wouldn’t bother anybody; she would sit quietly. She would have her nose in a notebook she would draw or write in. If she wasn’t using her notebook, she would always get lost in […]
Hi
I stumbled onto this site when I was ranting to Siri about wanting to end my life. And I really do. I don’t have a plan, I just want to die.
My life has just been one chronic pain after another for three years. A botched biopsy of my lip left me with permanent nerve damage in my lip which led to digestive problems, which led to severe weight loss, which led to muscle atrophy, which led to more pain.
Last year I had breast cancer and a mastectomy. I’m done with my breast cancer treatment but not over the pain of the loss. People say I’m […]
I sit here in utter amazement like I have so many times before, paralyzed stuck on the couch where I’ve been since last night on the down side of this GOD FORSAKEN rollercoaster. It seems like the older I get, there’s not as many highs as there used to be just down, deeper and deeper, when I finally do reach the bottom there’s not even a little bit of light anymore, and it takes so long to reach the top again, I suppose I will get up soon and try and find something, anything to ease the pain like […]
Everything in my life is gone. My partner, my friends and my work. Life is not really worth living. I feel so much pain, anxiety and will not living. I feel the end is near. I had it all and lost it all.
Today was rape day.
This time, however, my mother was gentler. She didn’t leave me any big bruises. She even gave me some tea and covered with a warm blanket.
I’ll stop eating. I need to save money. I need to try to escape once more. Last time didn’t go well, but I need to try.
Edit: My back hurts and there was a dead spider in the tea. She’s mad, I know.
I’m easy to scare. To deal with my overwhelming anxiety and depression I’ve been watching scary clips on YouTube. Anything that I can find from ghosts caught on tape, strange disappearances, weird coincidences, creepy pasta… Anything. It helps. I get scared. It’s become addictive to feel scared of the paranormal instead of just having this agonizing anxiety. I actually welcome a ghost. Anything to shake up my life, anything for a moment not to think about my constant pain.
The thing is, I don’t really know if I believe in any of it. I still get creeped out. But being creeped out feels so much better […]
Hi. I’m the rug.
I’m in pretty significant pain today, but something new, my family is also screwing me out of what little money I manage to save up.
I lent my sister 1k a while back.
Rather than paying me, she paid my mom, and told me I could get it back from her- which we all know isn’t true.
My mom has bought an in-ground pool during a semester where she screwed me out of paying a third of my college semester, and now she has taken out a second mortgage on the house.
She threatened to kick me out again over something as silly as […]
I’ve seen a bunch of therapists in the 14 years since I was first diagnosed with depression. None of them have been particularly effective. I guess that’s not surprising, given that I tend to use negative thoughts as a mechanism to avoid situations that are scary or tend to result in emotional pain. A therapist can give me a technique to challenge my thoughts or a behavior to lessen the power of those thoughts, but I’ve rarely tried any of them because I don’t actually want to challenge my thoughts. If I do, I know I will be likely to drag myself right back out […]
Never thought id feel so empty id split my flesh, just to feel again, just to distract from the fact that i feel dead inside; so much emptiness can only amount to hell or bliss; my desire for the afterlife, a darkness where i cant feel, wouldnt that be nice? Never thought id feel so numb i couldnt feel the pleasures in life, so dead i couldnt feel my fingertips. And pain was the closest thing, an extescy silver steel could bring. So bloody. So much fluid, expelled from my veins, passed the boarder from insanity, the bloody warmth giving back to me, drawing […]
How many times have I heard that a suicidal person is selfish if he/she kills him/her self? That makes me so angry, because I know the pain, the years of unending pain, that leads one to attempt suicide. When I hear things like “you’ve hurt so many people who care about you,” I want to scream “what about a pain that drives me to want to die.” Doesn’t that mean anything!
Does anyone else on this site relate? I’d like to read your input.
she’s hopless
she lies to keep herself alive
no one bears to see her pain
breaking everyday
everything is broken before her eyes
she feels trapped and hidden
no ones out to hear her
shes gave up so many times
its a dream for her to never wake up again
God if your really up there help her disappear
what’s left of me here?
just a brighter world and less fear
she wishes all day she can suddenly die
hoping for a way out of this hell hole
hoping someone can understand her pain
I didnt want to post but im starting to feel like absolute shit. I hate the way the mind works. Do you know why you/we have emotional triggers? Evolutionary psychology. Your (subconscious) mind doesn’t want you to cause yourself danger. As a result it reminds you of a (perceived) danger when you see something that signifies it. In the past you could see an area of your surroundings that meant there were dangerous animals or that you had a previous encounter with one in the area youd scare yourself to know not to continue. Now a days if you see a reminder of your past […]
I came across something really neat. You should think about it as well.
“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”
“Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Hi everyone,
I wanted to share my story. My niece Anne took her life on March 30, 2015. She attempted the first time on February 10, 2013. I have no answers and we are at a loss. She left behind 3 beautiful young daughters. They are very strong girls but they miss their mom more than anything. She was the happiest person, but also the saddest. They always want to help others feel like they are loved. They made a suicide awareness video called “you are never alone”. They wanted to let others know you are loved way more than you could ever imagine. If you could, please […]
Sometimes it feels like all hope is lost, like there is no reason for me to continue thinking or trying or breathing and the self hatred gets even more overwhelming and I just want to scream and cry and tear myself apart (literally) I have goals I just have no motivation to achieve them anymore because I don’t see the point, I don’t see why I shouldn’t just end it now and end my pain, I have no one, and everyone just discourages and belittles me and I’m tired of pain
The guy I was seeing a couple weeks ago, Aaron, turned out to be a bust. He was a really nice and sweet guy, but his interest ran out. But that’s not my main problem. It’s Presley. I am madly in love with Presley, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, we were in love with each other, and then all the crap happened with Holly and Amy, he chose both of them over me, and yet we still love each other. I want to yell at him, I want to pound on his chest and beat all of my pain away as […]
I do not know what to do, what to think. I truly do believe that my husband does not want me around anymore even though he tries to make fighting arguments that he loves me and that he wants me to be here. I am having by far the worst time in my life and he can’t even be there how he used to be. He used to be so patient. Do entirely blame him for it though. He has gone through a lot with me in the last almost 4 years of being together, a year and a half of being married and 11 […]