It all started in Jan of 2001 I had a house fire and lost everything, actualy it started way before that with the abuse as a child from my grandfather, then later with my 2 ex husbands. But in Jan 2001 was the start of me lossing myself. It was a usual day I had got the kids ready for school, the night before I had a arguement with my husband about his drinking and his stealing my sons ridalin. So it wasn’t a good start to my day to begin with. I went to work ended up a hour later getting a call from […]
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Parents
Im not depressed. I have the medications to thank for that, however what theyve done to me by no means deserves thanks. Oh sure, the severe BPDs gone but i didnt know i was trading it for absolutely nothing. They killed any small part of me that mightve passed as human; they hollowed me out. How am i supposed to live a life like this, a medically-made sociopath, where feeling is impossible and nothing will ever matter to me. I just dont care anymore, i cant. Everyday just seems more pointless then the last. The world around me is fading.
If i dont manage to kill myself, the […]
i am on a breakdown, i am possibly bipolar, which is probably true, i am in high school, i have next to nothing in friends, and i am literally breaking down. For the last 3 nights, well the first i broke down in front of my parents and cried and yelled at like one in the morning, and then for the last two nights i have had to stay up all night in order to keep myself from doing breaking down again. I just cannot handle life anymore, and this seem to be my break down and i feel as if my ife will go […]
Does anyone here feel like they’ve lost their way? Â Six years ago I had it all – just graduated and landed a great well paid job, nice house and wonderful partner. Â I now find myself jobless, single and lonely, and back living with my parents. Â I’ve never felt so alone and vulnerable. Â All my friends are progressing with their lives, getting married and having kids, whilst I’m regressing into someone I don’t even recognise. Â I hardly socialise anymore, it just makes me feel worse. Â I’m really scared of the future. Â I know that if I continue as I am doing there’s only one way to […]
i sit at school in the computer lab and all i can think to do i look up things on suicide. I always find pictures and stories and more and more ideas just go through my brain. Im so sick of my life and i want to be dead. I cant do anything right, i have no friends, my parents hate me , and i have no future. I think tonights the night. i just want to get it over with. i can’t wait to get home and finish it once and for all!
People used to tell me not to cry for someone, for they are not worth your tears. The one who was worth your tears would have never made you cry. I didn’t believe in that sh*t. I met this person, and fell madly in love with him because of how kind and caring he was. I was certain we would always be together, because we always talked about getting married and having kids. Mind you, I’m 16, and he’s 18. So yes, we were young. But I loved him. While we were together, I was constantly getting bombed by my all too perfect stepmother about […]
he started at 13
it got worse every year
i guess it was an escape from harsh reality
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she loved him with all her heart
she wasnt aware of his problem
she really cared
he didnt know how much
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he was 17
she got a phone call
he was going to jail
she finally saw
the intensity of his problem
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they didnt see each other for 6 months
she started to care a little less
they wrote
and called
but she was slipping away
slowly going downhill
he didnt know
that he was the source of her problems
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he came home
she was happy
he had changed
she was glad
he lied
she found out when they took him away
he didnt know how much it hurt her
to see him taken […]
I want to die because I am a fool. I have nothing called life because I am a fool. Because of my clumsiness no one ever loves me. I have no friends. I dont even think of girlfriends. I have been staying with my uncle and his family since first grade and over the years they have only grown to hate me. Every relatives I know hate me. I have never known what is to be loved, and in all these years I have forgotten to love. When you lose your heart the life is not being worth to live. I have also decided never […]
Took about 20 iron pills around 11:00pm yesterday from all the crap my parents put me through. I thought I would die in my sleep. Until I found out today I will die a slow death when I woke up today and researched it . I’m transitioning from stage one to 2 soon. It would take me about 3 days to die give or take if I’m not in a coma. Well it could take a week that I could die from an overdose. I told my mom after I woke up. She made me puke up everything several times after drinking loads of water. Though that […]
I met my husband 8-years ago, online, in a most conceivable place. My need to get away from the reality that surrounded my life led me into an unknown abyss inside the virtual world, that continues till today. I never asked for an ideal living but the constant fights between my parents were a bit too much for my 18 year old soul. I struggled with the yelling and screamings, petrified that they would someday lead to something far worse. Hiding my head under the pillow did not work for too long since afraid as I was of the fights the thought of not knowing […]
I always hurt the ones i love. I have created a character, a personality, and the world is my stage.
“The world is a stage and we are merely actors” or something like that, it’s by shakespear or someone else old and famous…
I’m never me. Yes, I’m an actor, but outside of that, I’m to different people. As soon as I walk outside, I’m a different person, take a deep breath, time to put on a show. One in which I’m an annoying singing girl who talks a lot, listens to goth and emo music, and uses words that are to big for most people […]
I am going to move it is unavoidable, and i have to keep it a secret… but i told my boyfriend and he broke up with me. He only did it because of this but the truth is i am not moving for another year… and this really hurt. I am dealing with depression and he didn’t really know the extent of it… and this really crushed me. He is really honest with me and tells me everything still, we are really close and that hasn’t ended but i am still so confused… you see he told me he still loved me and he didn’t want […]
I am this gutless arsehole kind of a person. I knew I would never have the guts to commit suicide. I am forced to study just to migrate to another country. I feel this is so unlike myself. I am finding this as a mental torture. I feel like I ve chosen the wrong course and this is not helping me in anyway. My parents hardly interested in my worries. I just want to drop out from my course but its a lot of money. I just dont know what to do?? Actually I am supposed to be mature enough to handle this issue.
When I think of myself more often then not I just want to puke. I used to be so happy and free spirited and I feel high school and just recent events in my life is ruining me. I am more cynical, I dont get along with parents, I dont have a 4.0, I feel fat and ugly…i am a let down to my amazing little sister and my life is just one big treadmill. Its like ive climbed on and cant get off. I just have to keep running because I cant stop or I will get flung off and I dont know how to […]
I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. I don’t really know why. I just don’t like to be alive. Nothing has ever happened to me, and I think for most of my life, it hasn’t been a horrible life. I just don’t like living it anymore. It’s getting harder to deal with.
I’m 28, separated from my husband for a year now and have an unplanned pregnancy with someone who I wish would die. I’m not that lucky though. I miss being with husband, I love him more than anything and would do anything for him. We have 2 beautiful girls. I wish […]
 I’m stupid. I can hardly get a C in a class. My dad calls me a flunky, failure, stupid and a *****. I’m not pretty at all. I eat a lot but I’m not super fat. Every one picks fun of me, I’m aways wearing black. My boyfriend and I have been going out for about seven months and still nothing has changed. I haven’t changed. I smoke and I’m only 15. I like to think of older guys. People scar me. I have to many fears. My best hobby would have to be researching serial killers. My parents say I’ll be one.
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 Any one who […]
I dont know what to do. I am 13 years old and I dont know if I can take it anymore. My parents are divorced, my dad has anger issues and yells a lot. I feel like I have to protect my step brother and step sister because my step mom doesn’t do anything. My step mom gets stressed and takes her anger out on me. My mom is also stressed and takes her anger out on me. At school I try to be friends with everyone but everyone just ignores me and whispers behind my back about how I smell and how ugly I […]
Tonight i’m going to truely give in to this stupid cycle of misery and i’m going to make it end.
I’ve planned it well i beleave no one suspects i’m going to do it, i saw a counselor and i lied to him and chickened out of the help i know i need, walking into his office i felt so sure that he could fix me, help me but then i knew that no one could fix me so i lied and made out it wasn’t as bad as it seemed ironically he asked if i had a plan or some method, i said no […]
I thought furiously about how I was going to let my parents know, would an email be so bad. If I sent an email they would know straight away, but would they have the computer on, would they even check their emails. I know I didn’t, in-fact it was very rare I checked mine, I would normally have at least 100 emails to make my way through as I left it so long before looking. It does seem a little impersonal, but how else would I let them know. I put the thought to one side as my thoughts redirected themselves to the […]
So it all started in the fifth grade, My uncle had just died from cancer. I was sad of course. I started to wear alot of black. People of course did’nt care all they did was call me gothic and emo. My life was just so stupid, I didn’t know what to do at the age of 10, I had friends but why would I tell them anything? So I just became really isolated and just kept to myself, I thought this was just a new to live life, But then my mom was diagnosed with deppresion and Bipolar, Before that my parent’s split upp, […]