So today’s trash day… And then something random happened I somehow let myself think even just for 2 seconds and then I suddenly wanted to just jump in the truck when it comes or stand/sit in front of le truck and let nature take its course…. One truck has already been so its still slightly possible. But then I was fine like meh mkay. But seriously forcing myself to stay alive for a 5 year old I’m starting to regret making that post/promise (I promised IRL to mah nephew) I get random thoughts in my head its weird… I’m weird… But hey some of u […]
Tag:
person
Things won’t get better for me
They never will
Failure breaks a person
Pain keeps you in pieces
I have no other options
No where to go, no where to stay
All I feel is fear
Fear of others, fear of pain
Life is an uphill run
And everyone drags you down
Rake their nails in to your bare skin
And use your head as a step
But still there’s a serene feeling
When your lying sprawled on the ground
At the bottom of the hill
Some people blame themselves after failure
Some people blame the world
This is a place I’m not wanted
Nor […]
I just had a really weird mental image/clip. You know how in some cartoons or anime, a character’s morality is represented by an angel and devil… Well, my devil just shot the angel in the head at pointblank range then they disappeared.
They later reappeared and the angel committed seppuku (ritual cutting open the stomach) with the devil as the second (person who beheads the person whom committed seppuku.)
Is my subconscious trying to tell me something or am I just losing what is left of my mind? Rocketman, don’t you dare make a joke about how it’s not possible for me to lose my mind… If […]
this world is not for everyone
It’s true
In fact, everything in this world is not meant for everyone
Some people is not meant to be in this cruel cruel world and most of the time, that someone knows it. They know that this is not where they belong. they know that there are other places for them. The place they can be themselves without getting reject or being judge.
There are two decisions for these people:
To keep going, keep fighting to stay in this world. To continue.
To go seek for other places where they are truly belong.
At the end of the day, it’s that person’s choice to choose.
are you […]
I promised myself that I would already be gone.
A promise from another person can be forgiven.
A promise to another person can be forgotten.
A promise to yourself can’t be broken.
Good bye cruel world
I’m leaving you today
Good bye
Good bye
Good bye
Good bye
All you people
There is nothing you can say
To make me change
My
So once again, sleep is both my seducer and my tormentor. Tempting me with the taste of an eternal requiem for a lullaby but sapping my strength to fall into that eternal requiem, as well. What a cruel mistress she is.
Heh, it’s gotten to the point I even realize that the words, “Happy Mother’s Day” from my mouth might as well be “I hate you and go die!” My mother even saw this hidden tab while I was signing my great-grandmother’s card… I really am an awful person…
So this is the first time I’m going to talk about my feelings online. I’ve never done this because I feel people will judge me, but I can’t keep on keeping everything bottled up inside me.
Since I was little, I always knew I wanted to find mr Perfect and give him all the love I could give him. I did things in the past that I’m not proud of. I’m a different person now.
My father left me when I was little. He never had love for me. He wanted a son and then he got me.. He lefte and moved on to get something […]
Went back to my high school today for their spring musical. It’s been six years, and I still get emotional about that time in my life. The students did spectacular, indescribably so actually. I was so impressed. And then I had this moment, and it was almost like I could literally feel something shifting, breaking in my brain. It was all I could do to stand up or keep from crying. Good thing I had to leave early to get ready for work tonight. Six years, and so much has happened, and yet, I have made absolutely no progress. I really am so hopeless. Death, […]
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Bree hasn’t left me alone all day. Neither have the voices. They’ve all been taunting me, knowing what was happening today. My Nan had a hospital appointment. She’d been getting pains in her back. Turns out, her terminal cancer has spread to her spine now. And it’s all my fault.
They warned me. The voices warned me, the Angels warned me. Bree warned me. They said they would make my family suffer if I didn’t do what they said. Now they’ve done this. This is all my fault. And everything will only get worse if I don’t listen to them.
I told everyone it would be bad […]
Life… a thing I undestood abt it is… its though… not only mine but everyones… b ut the thing is that.. I cnt handel it… I m m weak.. I cnt face it anymore…I show evryone hw strong I m .. but I m a coward… I cnt evn handel a small heart break. .. I m worthless…. lowest of the form… I shuld die.. but I m evn scared to die.. I m so pathetic… sory to waste you time… just wanted atlest one person to knw this.. dont knw why.. just wanted…
Please, can somebody help, even if it is just to talk? I’m at my wit’s end.
I’m no kid, I’m well old enough to remember the 80s. So, couple of years ago, I was getting on for that age when life begins (you know when I mean?) and thinking about being lonely. I’ve never dated anybody…hell, I’ve never done anything even most 13 year olds have done. Total level 1 noob at my age, ha.
Sure, I’d had offers but I was a robot who couldn’t feel romantic love. I felt nothing for those who had offered, so I turned ’em down (in a nice way, I aint […]
No matter how quickly or how slowly I get to know someone… I always feel afraid of actually having any sort of relationship. I’m very much an open book, sometimes too much so, but when I meet someone I like I can’t help but open up to them and tell them how I feel. Like me back or not, it still leaves me vulnerable to being hurt by them, one way or another.
I always feel like something is going to happen, either that they’ll realize I’m a shitty person and distance themselves from me, or I’ll accidentally say or do something stupid and they’ll hate […]
Hi
I don’t really understand what all this is and what i’m doing here but this is all i have i guess
I’ll start this by saying my life is a quiet mess
I’m a 21 year old trans person (im agender, im not male or female) and I live with my shitty mom
now i’m not saying she’s shitty just because I don’t like her, she really is a cruel person. She’s left me in this weird limbo where i can’t tell what is and isn’t abuse anymore and she’s neglected me, mostly emotionally, that i don’t know what to do. She only knows I can like anyone […]
Theres so much I feel like saying today, but then I try and there’s nothing. I go blank. Been feeling like this most of the day, my vision has been all jumpy and strange, & there is no cohesion to my thoughts.
Kinda feel like staying on this train forever ( Im on my way home from work), and dissapearing and starting all over again. Or just dissapearing. I feel like ive past my used by date sometimes. Like I somehow missed my date with the grim reaper. Probably slept thru it, knowing myself. Hiding under the doona and he couldnt find me.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I am so confused. People know me as a happy person. They dont see me getting angry. I’m not the type of person who show anger. But deep inside I’m hurting and crying. I rather cry on the corner and let it go. I feel blessed because of how lucky i am. I have complete parents, i have sisters, i have so many friends. All of my problems feels like i want to end my life. But a guy came to my life and changed everything. Were two years from now. And i love him so much. Im thankful that he never leaves me. I […]
I have noticed many many posts from college students (high school as well). Graduation pending upon final papers, examinations… HOW HAVE YOU SURVIVED? What has gotten you this far? Where do you see yourself going, in a perfect world(omit suicide, not an option)? What are your dreams, hopes and aspirations?
As for me I am an adult learner, 32 about to graduate with a B.S. in psychology-God willing I pass this last class. I have survived. I have gotten this far. I can’t recall how or what. But where I see myself going in a perfect world is to normalcy. The boring humdrum life of the […]
Just what exactly does what life want out of me? Why don’t I get out of suffering even when I can? I meditated today after a long time. It was so peaceful and fulfilling. But I, purely consciously and deliberately, right in the middle, crashed it all up, torn it all up. I just couldn’t handle the peace! What the hell is wrong with me? What do I want? Is all this suffering not enough? I must be either mad or the most fucked up crooked donkey of a person on earth. (You know the property of a donkey? He gets fat in winter and starved in spring. That’s because in spring […]
A good song that is. It’s been a while since last I was here. A shit load has happened… I tried to resolve my issues, I’ve tried to resolve that I have to push through life. I refuse to believe this is a fucking disease. The only disease on this planet that doesn’t rot your flesh is humanity itself if I can cut past the idea that I’m talking about you, the reader.
I know I can’t kill myself… not myself anyhow. I’m too much of a coward and all of my attempts have just been those of a coward. So I can’t do that.
Right now […]