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Tag:
stop
So it turns out that I’m on antidepressants now, a weak dosage. It’s not doing anything and tomorrow this when I’m going to see my doctor who prescribed them to me to gain my dosage because it’s not changing my depressing and suicidal thoughts.
Right now I can’t stop thinking about slicing my wrists open and seeing my crimson blood run down my arms, the urge is too strong. It’s all I can think about and I hate it. I’m trying to fight through it for my best friend and my family.
I feel scared, hopeless, I don’t even feel like I’m in my own […]
How?
I dont understand.
It’s become a part of me and who I am.
Without it I dont know who I’d be.
So how?
After so long, how do I just stop cutting. How do I stop longing to feel the blade and see the blood.
How do I do that?
How do I just give up what makes me, me.
I wish I could be happy.
I wish I wasn’t a failure.
I wish my mom would stop telling me that I don’t make her proud.
I wish my dad didn’t walk out of my life before it even started.
I wish I was skinnier.
I wish I could stop cutting.
I wish I could die.
I wish I didn’t want to die.
I wish my existence wasn’t ignored by most people, even family.
I have a house, I just wish I had a home.
I wish things were different
But nothing will ever change
So I wish that when I kill myself, no one wishes that I didn’t.
Because if no one cared before death, then why […]
Cause I’m struggling with that right now. I read your stories on SP, and I think of how much I wish I could take your pain and suffering from you. How you all seem like such nice souls, and how you don’t deserve to suffer like you do.
But someone like me… I can’t help if I don’t deserve to kill myself and suffer whatever might come after. I have so much, and although I live alone and only see my family once or twice I year, they help my financially and I don’t have to worry about that too much.
Despite that however… I wish I […]
All the memories just replay in my head over and over. The good ones make me think how can this possibly be happening when things were so good? And the bad ones make me wonder what I did wrong and think of a million other ways I could have done things differently. Just over and over and over.
The only time I get away is if my sleeping pills work or I’m asleep. I feel like if I had the access and knowledge I would become an addict to something because I can’t imagine living a life being haunted by memories. How am I supposed to […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
So right now in my hometown, there’s this kid who disappeared on Monday. He’s 16 and he left two suicide notes and the whole community is looking for him and it’s all over Facebook. And for some reason everytime I see one of those posts that they’re still pushing everyone to look for him and people think they saw him on the side of the freeway, everytime I see one of those posts, I can’t help but think “just let him be.” If he doesn’t want to be here, don’t make him stay. Just let him be. And I know it’s just people caring for […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_a8qBSxHUJY
I can never stop thinking. My thoughts just keep going and going and its wearing me down. I just seem to have these thoughts daily, its been the normal for a long time. For as long as I can remember, one that that goes through my head is my father. He passed away when I was only a year old and not a day goes by when I don’t think about him. Another thought, more of a memory, is the one that wears me down the most. Her. The one I have written about so many times. The one I have written about where […]
Feeling hopeless for a while now. Not sure for how long. Trouble sleeping for months. Really depressed I want this to end, but don’t know how to stop it. Feeling hopeless. Any suggestions by people just makes me feel more depressed because I can’t do it or it doesn’t help. Anyone feeling like this?
First failed attempt was Monday night I wasn’t feeling particularly suicidal but I saw an opportunity and took it.
Last night i took took a few bottles of sleeping pills but every time I would stop breathing I would jerk awake and concentrate on breathing. Needless to say it was a miserable night.
I just want it to be over.
There’s no other way to say it. I’m just slipping. I’m slipping very fast into the void and I don’t know how to stop it. I can feel it happening. My emotions are starting to change. They’re growing. I can’t even explain it. I know what’s going to happen and I don’t know how to stop it. I want to cry. But I don’t do that. I’d rather just die. I’d rather die than go back to the way I used to be. I’d rather die than admit how I feel. I’d rather die than try and deal with this all over again […]
I am 18 and got kicked out by my mum the other day so I am staying at my dad’s.
I am the joke of the family, I have no job, left college and just want it all to end. The day I got kicked out I went back to cutting and can’t stop and emptied my pills.
I couldn’t do it but I wanted to so downed a dozen pills, I’m still here.
I think I am depressed and definitely have some issues and have felt this way for some time and just want my pathetic life to end.
Started with a new psychiatrist recently. When I told her I couldn’t stop thinking about killing myself she immediately started me on anti-psychotics. I’ve never been on them before, and I have to say I do feel a little better. And I couldn’t get what I needed for my plan anyway, so the plan is on hold. For now. We’ll see how long this medicine works.
I’m a doll. A toy. I am not alive. I have no emotions. I feel nothing. I am nothing.
If I keep telling this to myself, I wonder, will I finally stop hurting? Will I finally stop being so sensitive? If I keep telling this to myself, will I eventually believe it? Will it become true?
When will it end? Can’t I just become nothing? Can I not just be empty?
I don’t want to feel pain, or sorrow, or disappointment. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to feel lonely anymore. I don’t want to feel joy and happiness and excitement, when it just ends […]
for the first time in a long time I feel happy, and it’s not because of anyone but myself. I feel so empowered. I’m starting to wear my tragedies as armor instead of shackles. life is 10 % what happens to you and 90 % how you react to it. I’m tired of being sad and not feeling like I’m not good enough. I know in my heart I’m worth being saved and if no one is willing to save me I’ll become my own hero. only then can I say I made it. I’m half way there and I won’t stop until the life […]
I can’t sleep or stop crying
Am i honestly tired of trying? Yes.ive attempted suicide several times wrote and went through with it but at the last minute i got scared and sought the er this always seems to happen to the point were im expecting ill end up there. I came close to death once unexpectedly overdosing on sleeping pills i was feeling really uncomfortably sleepy and begging my mom to not let me go but that didn’t stop me from trying again that wont stop me now from trying again.to some it would seem were does it end my sister said im putting everyone through a lot of stress […]
Sitting alone
In this empty room
Crying tears from the pit of,my doom
I promised before that I would stop
But the pain of my heart just ignores that stop.
Holding that razor in my hand,
Is the only way I can feel safe
In this land.
Heartless
Worthless
Mantra I say in my head,
no one will love you,
She says.
Blood streams down
down my leg
weight is lifted.from.my head
Just cut,
Deeper and deeper until
Yes I can feel no more pain.
My eyes close and
there is no more room for me to stay
I don’t even know if you really like me. You seem to put an unusual amount of effort into trying to talk to me, but maybe that’s just the way you are. Maybe you’re just nice. You are nice. Always. Even when you seem miserable. Not in a shiny, happy, fake way, but a sad, resigned, kind way. You’re probably the most enthusiastic person I know, and you put so much effort into weird little gestures that no one really appreciates. It’s like you actually care or something. I don’t see that often. Sensitive people are rare around here.
I catch myself wanting to stop work and look […]