I haven’t posted in a while, I dont know why.. But I have a story to tell. I was looking for my sleeping pills, my Trazadone, when I found my moms Phenobarbital, which is a hypnotic. I used to be addicted to a lot of drugs, more than I ever thought possible. I broke those habits two years ago when I was 15, now I have fallen back into them. I have become dependent on these pills and I am trying to stop, but at first I didnt see a point, yes it can kill me, yes its hurting me. But maybe I was wrong. I […]
Tag:
Suicide
I turned eighteen almost a month ago, and I had been in a remission type deal from my Major depressive Disorder for about six months. Until last week. I feel no motivation to do anything. It takes so much effort to take a shower at night, I went from taking full showers at night, to half showers (standing in the corner of the tub and just washing my hair), and then to saying “I’ll just take one in the morning” and end up allowing all three of my alarms to go off and hopping in the shower to wash my hair five minutes before I […]
Right, this is my first post on this site. I’m 16, Cliche angsty teenager. Depressed, Anxious, Low Self esteem, paranoid etc. The full package basically. Recently my parents have discovered about the cutting (and have guessed about the depression from that), and are trying to force me into counselling because of it. I’ve been to counselling before for anxiety, but it did sweet fuck all. Question is, do I do it again? I feel like it would be helpful, because, like everyone else here, I’ve tried to kill myself, and do genuinely want to get better, but can’t see a way of doing it by […]
I have given up.
My parents are wasting money away with my goddamn pills and therapy. But I’m not getting better. I’ve been on medication for almost a month and I’m not getting better. Nothing is. In fact I’m falling apart. And everyone ignores this, my parents don’t want to even talk about anything related to my mental health issues.
I feel like such a burden. I am exhausted all day, I can’t eat as much as I used to years ago, every day is a struggle and I can’t concentrate on school or the things I loved anymore.
I’m so tired. I’m sorry to everyone who had […]
I’ve spend every fucking of my life wanting to die. I’m only 13 and I’ve dealt with a lot. So where should I start? How about when my father left my mother because she was pregnant, because he was married. My mother of coarse didn’t know, she isn’t a homewrecker. But he didn’t want me, and my mother didn’t even know about be until she was over 6 months pregnant. She didn’t show and still got her period, when she did show she went to the doctor and they told her she was pregnant. She didn’t want me either, but she kept me. The only […]
I lost my baby within three years of her birth. Before that, I was moderately depressed. Once in a while I would break down into tears, I was even afraid to look in the mirror. I’ve seen myself as a monster most of my life. If not I as a monster, then I as someone surrounded by them. I’ve been married to my husband for quite a while now, I love him dearly but his depression only piles onto mine. He’s put a gun to his head around 238 times now, once just recently. He pulled the trigger all but that last time, all bullets […]
I feel like I’m dying inside but at the same time I feel absolutely nothing. I try to continue on and some days I think that I am actually making progress until I am absolutely blindsided and am back to where I started. I usually never dream but recently have been having nightmares that leave me petrified, I couldn’t even get out of bed today because I was so terrified. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like I’m all alone and I just want someone to help me. I have tried to reach out to professionals before but they were a complete […]
A few days ago, a classmate noticed the cuts on my wrist.
Today, a friend of mine saw the cuts too.
I told them it was nothing, that I only got them for being mean to cats (Don’t get me wrong, I love cats.). I know what I said was such an awful thing to say especially when even you can see the truth beyond your own lie. It’s just that I couldn’t quite think of anything to use as an alibi anymore.
I’m afraid sooner, more people would start to notice the slashes on my wrist and think I’m a weirdo, or worse they might think I’m someone […]
Last year, I started suffering from depression.
Last week, I started cutting.
Last day, I cried and told myself how ugly the wounds look.
I’m not used to seeing my left wrist so jagged and so scarred.
Is it normal to love and hate cutting both at the same time?
To love and to hate. Two contradicting things I always seem to clash together.
Would a person die when he’s dead?
Or would he only feel more pain?
I knew I’m already suffering from depression a year ago but it’s only last week that I started to hurt myself physically. It just happened. I don’t even know when or how something sharp came into my hand to slit my wrists. All I know is that I shove it on my skin and felt the burning pain beneath. And that it felt so good. To finally feel the pain. To finally divert my attention on my bleeding wrist rather than what I feel inside.
It was the time my brother came to yell […]
Hello everyone,
First and foremost I would like to thank the admin for creating such a beautiful website where, we the wondering souls that are lost in this world can express ourselves; in both the good times and the bad times.
I’ve been popping here and there, every now and then but never really thought to interact with everyone here. But today I’ve decide to make an account to help others if needed and also get help for myself when times get rough. I hope to make new friends and learn a lot about you wonderful people and also hope that you learn a lot about me too.
Thank […]
A poem written by me during my darkest moments.
Behind the closed door
Behind the closed door
Lies a girl who hides her pain
Buried in so much sorrow
All hope is being drained
Behind the closed door
Lies a girl practicing to smile
To hide the truth from everyone
A mask in which will only stay for a while
Behind the closed door
Lies a girl with cuts that bleed red
From unbearable sadness
She’s only hanging by a thread
Behind the closed door
Lies a girl who could no longer cry
She starts thinking
How will she say goodbye?
Behind the closed door
Lies a girl perfectly still
Who lost all hope
Who lost all will
Behind the closed door
Was where a girl once used […]
Can’t think of a good title..
Anyhow, the consensus is that life is so fucking god awful that I can’t even kill myself to help out.
There’s so much awful shit going on. Where do I begin? Oh. Well, my grandparents both have cancer now.
My parents have been trying to help by sending healthy foods to them when they have been devouring shit food all their lives. But they still sneak around to other family members and let them buy them junk food..( I can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves.) They’re waiting on a […]
I used to post on here quite regularly when I was younger, I think when I was about 15 or 16? Around then. Those years are strangely hazy now, probably because I was living in such a haze of sadness and wanting to die. Anyway, I am now 21 and I’m back under a new name because I feel like a whole new person. A few parts of old me survived, and unfortunately one of those parts is the slightly suicidal one.
I say ‘slightly suicidal’ because even as I type this on this website that I know is about suicide, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t […]
My partner and the love of my life passed away last week and I am in constant despair and disbelief.
Since his passing I’ve tried to kill myself by overdose on ibuprofen and even put a knife to my chest on 2 occasions (survival instincts kicked in). I was found by my sister and mum when I overdosed and so I am still here, to wallow in my pain and misery. If you want to know more you can read my other post.
Anyway, last night I was asleep and in the dream world (its the only way I can escape from the pain), and something strange […]
I feel so alone, as if I am not good enough.
Today I almost suffocated from my own self-hate. Sigh, not literally, metaphorically. There were so many people in the bathroom all of a sudden and I could not cry, I had to hold it in for approximately ten minutes while they fussed over their picture.
Hey, so im a 18years old boy who have been struugling with severe depression for about 2years now, and tried to kill myself once…
I’ve been reading alot on this page but never written here myself. But now im in such a dark place i have no clue what to do…
Im cutting myself almost daily and alot, its the only thing that makes all the pain go away since i dont dare to tell anyone how fucked up iam..
But im scared now, i dont think i can do this anymore the last months the suicide thoughts have come back, and they are stronger than ever before […]
I have always had depression; never fully diagnosed, but you know, when you have something like depression it lingers and consumes you, eventually. Ive recently gone through what is the most traumatic experience of my life, last week my partner passed away, age 28.
Since his passing, I haven’t been able to eat or sleep properly, I wake up with stiffness and pain all over my body and I have lost so much weight because I cant stomach anything. I have anxiety attacks when I think about the funeral and even just walking on the street or waking up seems to put me in a panic […]
I have lost multiple people in my life. Many, many people. It hurts, I thought they would live forever, they would never leave me, but no they didn’t, people never do. It’s all my fault, all mine, they left this world, and I probably caused it… I was young, so little, my adoptive mother/great great grandmother loved me, hated me, protected me,exposed me, hid me, hurt me, but she kept me alive, she died when I was around seven. All I remember is her in the hospital bed with pictures of us taped to the many wires which were connected to her. She died, with […]
Hello 🙂 I am going to start now…
I have attempted suicide before, but all times my plans have fallen through. I have tried suffocation through bag twice, tried hanging myself once, tried swallowing a ton of pills once, and that’s it. I cut. I despise blood and looking at other peoples injuries makes me want to faint, but for some reason it’s different with my blood. I laugh when I cut and I shake so much. It calms me, makes me happy for a short while. I wish I could be left alone though, my parents are the kind of parents who despise any problems […]