I don’t think all people have a purpose. I even think some people will be stepped on and overlooked through the entirety of their life. Not everyone can have a fairy tale life or like in the movies. It makes those people more miserable seeing people have things fall in place for them while they struggle so much. I just don’t get why assisted suicide isn’t a thing. I mean they would rather have abortions in hospitals than in their home or on the street. They both are deaths of a human being. Let suicide happen in hospitals where people can say goodbye.
Hello,
It’s been awhile. I’m doing alright, I think. Do you ever just lay down and think of all the bad things? Then it takes forever for those thoughts to die down just quiet enough to sleep decently. Past few days I haven’t slept well. I hate this feeling. One second I’m perfectly fine. Next second everything changes. Questions flood my mind. I get this blank feeling spreading across my chest, almost like its trying to take over. Ways to prevent me from moving on. It really sucks when I don’t cry. I just sit here for minutes to hours doing nothing but thinking. If I […]
I decided a while ago that self-hate is completely and utterly pointless. I don’t have any real reason to hate myself; neither does anyone else. You didn’t ask to come into this world. You were born, and you lived the life you did, and as much as you have free will, you are imperfect, and you will inevitably do stupid things. That’s not your fault. Your existence, no matter how good or bad you think it is, is not your fault. So try to redirect your self-hate. I, for example, choose instead to hate my life, not myself.
In hating my life instead, I often think […]
I am sick of this garbage.
I am sick of myself.
WHAT THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE EXPECT OUT OF ME.
Killing myself is too fucking easy.
I swear sometimes I feel like there has to be some old fuck in the sky getting off to this shit, because it’s getting too ridiculous for coincidences.
FUCK, I should have gotten that cancer not my Dad, it isn’t fair. Why does he have to suffer, why does one of the only reasonable person I actually care about in my family gets cancer.
I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO FUCKING DIE FOR YEARS. What if he dies, do you think I’m going to kill myself […]
I ve crossed the border as I was afraid it would happen one day. Tried to work so hard on my exams but then everything went out of control. Couldn think, it was to painful, so I overmedicated in order to sleep. But when I woke up everything was still the same and thought I know my life has gotten a little better can t handle it anymore. So I guess that s more or less the end and it s a shame but as nothings works anymore, my life is even emptier as my death will.
My life and mindset changed irrevocably 29 months ago. i don’t really remember how!
i don’t write diary so idk, and don’t really remember anything before these two and half years.
i just remember that i was okay, maybe “happy”, just another one. anyways.
jan 2014, i decided that i can’t enter my high school finals exams cause i was afraid of not doing good and can’t go to the college that i always wanted. somehow my i drifted apart from my best “friends” and locked myself in my room for the rest of the year, about 6 months in my room alone.
my parents work all the time, […]
I am sorry for literally everything upsetting I have done in my life. I keep screwing everything up for everyone, and I’m sorry. I won’t let people help me, and I’m sorry. If this letter of self-pity is terribly written, I’m sorry.
I always say I’m sorry about everything, and I don’t think anyone believes me. I promise that I truly am. So, if someone who knows me for the worthless mass of pity that I am, I’m sorry.
I’m probably gonna screw myself over tonight, and with any luck, I won’t wake up in the morning. I […]
Another song I wrote a while back and decided to record (poorly). Basically a suicide note, a very mild one, in song form.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Movin-On-5_7_16-2.05-PM.m4a
Verse
I don’t wanna bother you anymore
Because I know how much that hurts
I don’t wanna be there at your door
Making your life so much worse
But I can’t help that I exist
So I’ll move along this process
And I’m not the sappy type
So I’ll keep this letter short
It’s the last that I will write
But don’t think it’s your fault
I’ve got a better place to be
And you’ve got better people to see
Pre-chorus
I’m sorry it […]
Went back to my high school today for their spring musical. It’s been six years, and I still get emotional about that time in my life. The students did spectacular, indescribably so actually. I was so impressed. And then I had this moment, and it was almost like I could literally feel something shifting, breaking in my brain. It was all I could do to stand up or keep from crying. Good thing I had to leave early to get ready for work tonight. Six years, and so much has happened, and yet, I have made absolutely no progress. I really am so hopeless. Death, […]
well i kinda fucked up my whole life, just turned 18 in April, and i have no hope of living my parents love me to bits but i have given them enough pain to and made them cry so many times that i am a disgrace to this world. my whole family praises my sister and my cousins who are extremely smart and doing well in life though they have smaller problems they have never let down their parents but i just can’t get out of it, i fucked up in school got terrible grades, and now i fucked up in uni by getting terrible […]
Not really relevant to much, but I just think this dudes an awesome lyrical ninja.
https://youtu.be/3rnFlQAvk8U
people say its the easy way out but its the hardest choice ive had to make in my life…if i should do it, when i should do it, how i should do it…. ive been like this since 8th grade and now im finishing my freshman year of college.
im not sure why i feel this way. ive tried to make my life better but every time something went terribly wrong and my life got a little worse instead. ill spare you all the details of my life that have led me to this point but ill summarize them just so you can get the gist:
dad left […]
I’ve been living like I’m dying for awhile now. Ready to take the plunge any day. It’s depressing but so relaxing. No fuss, no planning for the future, no caring what people think. Temporary.
I’ve been offered a nursing job. Going to be staying alive and seeing how it goes. No use in ruining everyone else’s lives right now.
It’s stupid, but I had just gotten used to being a walking corpse. A sick part of me is a little disappointed.
I’ve been lying to everyone about how good im doing in school and that ill be graduating in two weeks and have all these great plans for the future and that me and my bf are happy and i have jobs lined up and everything they expect to here.
But im not doing well in school at all. Im failing four classes so i wont be graduating. Im not going back to school and i have no jobs lined up, havent even looked into it. Ill be moving in a month but i have no house situation prepared. And i dont think me and […]
Hi
I don’t really understand what all this is and what i’m doing here but this is all i have i guess
I’ll start this by saying my life is a quiet mess
I’m a 21 year old trans person (im agender, im not male or female) and I live with my shitty mom
now i’m not saying she’s shitty just because I don’t like her, she really is a cruel person. She’s left me in this weird limbo where i can’t tell what is and isn’t abuse anymore and she’s neglected me, mostly emotionally, that i don’t know what to do. She only knows I can like anyone […]
Sometime in the recent past, the school decided to hang small scraps of paper on every other wall that read:
“Who are we as human beings to ignore the suffer of others?”
But, do they think this will do anything? So many people I’ve seen in this school don’t really care how someone else is.
Really, I feel like most would say:
“Oh, you’re depressed? Well, suck it up.”
I’ve also begun to see who the person I [used to] love really is.
He’s a self-entitled bastard that thinks he understands how the world works and thinks everything is black and white.
I end my rant here.
I’m a deep thinker, as well as an overactive thinker, so almost every second of everyday there are numerous thoughts, worries, and questions running throughout my brain. Here’s one for anyone who wants to answer. What do you think you would be like and your life would be like if you didn’t know you were going to die? You had no awareness about what death is, or that it even happened. For me it would be pretty terrifying, mainly because I see death as my escape, something I will always be able to look forward to and count on because it is inevitable and is […]
I’m starting to believe that even life doesn’t want me here. I find it funny how you can think you’ve hit the bottom and can’t go lower than that, but then you do. You sink further down into the abyss.
My family and my social life are falling apart. We’re economically fucked, I will get kicked out of school if we can’t pay the tuition (we owe like 3,000 dollars and that number will continue to go up if we don’t pay in time). The only place where I considered myself as “not so useless” (even though being good in school means nothing in real life; […]
In 2004, I was pondering about means to commit suicide during two months. I suffered from post natal depression after my second child’s birth. I lost ten pounds in a week, slept about two hours a night, I felt numb most of the times . Each time I felt the pain rising, I played with a knife, or pills, or I went out thinking about getting a gun. I wanted to die, but I was not sure I could succeed, and another failure was out of order.
So one night after the pain was so acute, I got drunk and afterwards, I felt so low that […]
Why do I have be afraid of my brothers whyyyy whyyyyyyyyy now I’m stuck having to do something I don’t want to do on mother’s day…… Asdfghjkl I hate my family (apart from my nephew) enough as it is but now it’s worse I have to go see my Nana… Now some of you think that’s not so bad why are you complaining just stop you’re ranting it’s annoying.
No I won’t because I need excuses because my brain isn’t working.
My Nana is the worse person everrrrr […]