Everyday it’s the same torture. I wake up not wanting to get out of bed. I leave my room to get on the scale seeing a number that makes me cry. I won’t eat but 100 cals a day. I weigh 99 pounds but my body looks like it’s 160 pounds. My parents worry. I clench my teeth trying not to cry all day. I ask myself why I let it get this far. I hate myself for who I am and the things I do. I start to believe I deserve all of this. I miss my boyfriend so much, he can’t be here […]
Tag:
Torture
I put a knife to my wrist i began to cut, i hid my scars so no one saw
i just wanted satisfaction of being in charge of something in life i just want to take my mind off of all this pain
all of my emotional pain, depression and stress. i popped pills i tried to overdose for some reason i only passed out
nothing works it’s like i’ve been denied by death , death wants me to be in this torture but i wont stop until this is all over
My past is a bad one  Â
I’ve learnt to hide
But some of you know itÂ
I can see in your eyes
So what do I doÂ
Where do I hideÂ
What are you thinkingÂ
With misunderstood eyes
I carry my shame Â
It’s all my faultÂ
 My life full of torture
I hide in my house
The silence not lasting
I am just the mouseÂ
The look in your eyesÂ
It drives me insaneÂ
 Maybe just a smileÂ
Can ease my painÂ
You don’t know my sideÂ
It’s story untoldÂ
With pen to paperÂ
All soon will be toldÂ
So as we reflectÂ
I know I’m going to get expelled again. But this time I’m not going to wait to see it happen. I’m having my first exam (in this new university) on Monday. I’ll take it. And then I’ll end it. Even just now, instead of getting myself ready for the upcoming exam, I’m just sitting here and staring straight before me. Every moment sucks. Every damn moment. I can’t get over the thought that I’ve chosen the cheapest way to die, and the most ridiculous. Drowning myself in a laundry basin, bullshit, huh? I’ve even been working hard on it, made a few trial runs, to […]
life seem to come to a stand still, do not know where to go, what to do, my husband cheated me for a girl, i tried to live with him,13 long years  waited and waited but no he has built a strong relationship with her, a friend approached me promised me to be a good friend but got into a relation, i thought my husband would feel jealous and would be by my side but no he and his girl friend has taken photos in private. my parents have brought me up with good habits, i somehow got over the relation becoz it didnt help […]
Sometimes all we really want to do is shut out the world. Crawl into our bed, pull the blankets over our heads, and blast some depressing songs. I can completely relate to this. My parents say that i need to get out more and i need to come out of my room more frequently but my room is my sanctuary. It’s where i feel the safest. My blades, my “Torture Toys”, my laptop, my phone.. these are all in my room.
My boyfriend used to wonder why i dont talk much or why i look sad all the time. he didnt understand that i had just […]
Tortured. Yet not. Why do I feel so alone. Why do I still want to die. Why. Why. I’m a why kind of girl. Why don’t you care? Why does everyone hate me? Why do people lie when I know the truth? I carry around that noose.. Waiting for something to set me off. Waiting for that perfect timing to set in. Wanting it to be now instead of later. When the time comes.. Will I do it? Will I jump? Will I fall? I mean.. I’ve already fallen. And hit the ground hard. I’m broken. And people say I have no fucking reason to hate myself. […]
My mental state is pure agony and torture. Â I need to end this suffering. Â But I continue on in hopes somehow I’ll get better. Â Knowing full well it won’t. Â I’m living in denial because my survival instinct is so strong.
I’m in a place where no one takes me as a human being. My parents are narrow minded and strict. My real friends are on the other side of the world but this is their exam time so they cant spend too much time on me. The so-called “friends” I have here talks to me only when they need something. I don’t have anyone who can support me. Some people say that ‘You don’t need support from others. Support yourself all the way!” Its true. After all, it’s reality too. But I’ve been trying to support myself for years. I always tend to feel weak […]
The title says it all. I can’t please anyone, no one really loves me, no one cares. I’m just a selfish, worthless piece of shit of a bastard with no brain. I also must pretend to be someone I’m not and it’s pure torture. I’ve been bullied and due to my chronic stress, the bullying I used to ignore is now haunting me, taunting me. I lock my feelings deep down and hide it with a smile but I’m so dead inside. Now I am considered mute and heartless. Yes, I don’t know how to love anymore. Therefore I do not deserve to live another moment, […]
i want to die soooo bad, i think about it all the time now. i’ve been thinking about shooting myself in the head, i’ll put the gun in my mouth to make sure i dont survive. yep, thats how i want to die, i have officially chosen my exit plan. im not sure on when im going to do it, but its probably going to be soon. hopefully before anyone suspects me of being suicidal again. right now, everyone thinks im fine, that im doing great, but on the inside, im despising every single minute of living. i have gotten used to being suicidal for […]
I am 26, male. Let me preface this by saying that I am relatively intelligent (B.S. Physics), relatively attractive, and from the outside, it appears that my life is going well. All is not well. I have struggled with depression for over a decade now and sometimes it feels like I am smart enough to out-think it, beat it, but it always comes back to haunt me.
I have thought of all the possibilities, I wish I could hand my life off to someone more deserving. I should be happy! I have a stable job, a great roommate, and vitality that […]
I’m such a hypocrite.
I talk big about staying positive and happy, yet I can’t find my own reasons for this. I’m literally so stressed out right now that I feel like I should just end my own life to end all this pain and torture.
Anything I ever do isn’t good enough. Whether it’s getting good grades, getting accepted to a good university, or to winning a sports tournament, nothing is good enough for my parents.
I’m a lazy person. That’s just who I am. A 17 year old girl that’s at the end of her senior year, who’s lazy and likes to lay in bed or […]
I don’t know. my parents were addicted to meth. To be honest my mom did meth through out the time I was in her stomach. I did not come out wrong I was never normal though. My parents loved me of course but they were always to busy doing drugs and stealing from the government to really take good care of me. My mom eventually went to prison for 5 year. I was sad of course but she left all the time anyways so it was normal. My dad quit meth. He started drinking. Most people would be happy but my dad was worse when […]
why? it’s a question I am always asking myself
why am I doing this?
why do I want to be perfect?
why me?
why am I different?
why do people treat me like this?
why do I harm myself?
why do I hate myself?
why do other people hate me?
and I don’t know how to answer any of them, but they’re always there haunting me, making me hate myself for what I do, make me hate everyone else for not caring enough to notice me, make me hate my life and causing me to inflict more self harm. It is a never ending circle, one I feel I will never escape, […]
I remember when i was what society called happy, like, genuinely happy. a time when I didn’t feel like the world was blurred, like I was just a ghost. I felt, normal i guess. I was nine. that was it. nine years old. and then i just…faded.
I recall how I’d walk into the doors, I’d hear everyone talking, everyone would be with their friends. And me? I’d struggle just to convince someone that they could talk to me. I wasn’t well liked for God knows why. I guess people just needed an outlet to put all their hate, sadness, anger, and shit in. They chose […]
I get these weird feelings. Sometimes I just want to cry, sometimes I just wat to punch something but it’s crazy because that’s not me. I like to drink, I like mint and whenever I drink I carry mint around with me. I just fucking hate everything and I’ve tried everything to just get rid of it. Everyone tells me I’m such a good singer but then everyone hates it when I sing. I can’t even jam with people because whenever I start to sing with them they think I’m showing off. It’s like I can’t even do what I love anymore. And then […]
I honestly don’t know where to begin. I know this isn’t where I thought I would be, at 34. Writing an anonymous blog about how the scope of my life suddenly seems meaningless.  I’m tired of smiling on the outside when I’m crying on the inside. I’m tired of helping people through all their misery and pain, yet they forget to help me when I’m in need. I’m tired of work, and the stress it has caused me — but I’ve gone too far. I’m too accomplished that leaving would cause all the would-be supporters to clamor, “you’re such an idiot for throwing away your career.” […]
My best friend stayed with me for 20 days, We were high the entire time laughing and listening to the radio, and watching cartoons, when he left it smashed my heart in half I was just coming down and the whole thing felt like I time warped through it all. My plan was to kill myself after my friend left, I made the most of the time but now the moment is on me, it warped so fast I cant believe it. Even seeing the names of any shows I watched with him makes my heart clench up, He doesnt expect it, I didnt realize […]
I can’t believe it.
I’ve survived this long.
I’ve waited all day.
Practicallly gave up on him showing up today. But not even five minutes in of slipping into my bed to sleep, I get a text.
“Hey you,” it says, “Get on.” It’s from a restricted number. I don’t know who it is but I decide to get on anyways. I type in the password to my laptop. The fan is on low and the lights are off. It’s a common bedtime setting for me. Something to listen to so I don’t get paranoid of every little bump in the night. And the blanket to help me dream […]