http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/intensify.mp3
So, here’s a little diddy I’ve composed. Just wanted to prove I can string together a coherent concept. I’ve titled it “Intensify” because it starts out with arpeggios, then chords, then power chords.
Again, this is a raw recording. I didn’t bother polishing it.
Life… a thing I undestood abt it is… its though… not only mine but everyones… b ut the thing is that.. I cnt handel it… I m m weak.. I cnt face it anymore…I show evryone hw strong I m .. but I m a coward… I cnt evn handel a small heart break. .. I m worthless…. lowest of the form… I shuld die.. but I m evn scared to die.. I m so pathetic… sory to waste you time… just wanted atlest one person to knw this.. dont knw why.. just wanted…
Ah, i never thought i would post on a site like this one. Still, i would like some advice.. I’m sorry if this is too long, i don’t really know what i’m going to say so thank you to all of you who actually read through all this nonsense..
I don’t know what’s happening to me, i never would have imagined i would slip this far away. At first i thought i was just being a little over dramatic. That’s normal for teenagers y’know? But these thoughts, these “what ifs”, these plans, I can see how much they are taking over and i don’t know what […]
I’m really sorry to anyone who wastes their time reading this, so I’ll try to make it short.
I am not a necessity, nor a nicety, so why do I continue to roam this bloody earth in hopes of finally being wanted. I’m not wanted now, I wasn’t wanted in the past, and I can’t help but think that I won’t be wanted in the future. I’ m a liar, an accident, an attention whore, a know-it-all, and just an all-around piece of shit. Why am I even still alive?
If it’s not a problem for anyone reading this, would you […]
I just got the message, from my ex, she want’s to go out for a drink with me tomorrow night!! I still love her, so that’s great right ? so why em I posting this crap here?
Well it is not great, this is not fucking great at all. And here is why :
we have been together for almost 5 years, and she have break up with me 2 months ago, 3 weeks ago she had told me she have meet someone and that they are dating for few days now. But 2 weeks ago I have found out she had been cheating with this guy […]
I’m sat here again staring at the ceiling with tears down my cheeks which have imbedded themselves into my pillow. Why am I the one who over attached to everything. My bffs have kindly told me they couldn’t care less if I killed myself apparently it’s like I’m invisible anyway. I don’t understand what I did wrong? I try my hardest in school, I try my hardest to be accepted for the real me and I try my hardest to be good enough but how ever hard I try it just gets thrown back in my face. I’m used to being a no one now. […]
It was almost magical, the way we met. We had talked online occasionally for a few months before, on and off. The day before she went back to school from spring break, she told me where her home was. Only a 30 minute drive from where I lived. We immediately decided to meet. When we met we exchanged stuffed animals. She thought I was going to take her to Taco Bell. I ended up sharing a plate of pasta with her in a restaurant, then brought her home where we watched a movie. Her head was in my lap, and looking deep in each others’ […]
So like every time I put on make up I end up crying it all off. Why am I crying today well it started off ok. The house was fliped the girl I live with refuses to clean the bathroom properly but whatever. Im crying because it my fucking husband mother fucking birthday and I have barely any money to buy him somthing . but keep in mind I the spouse that makes money. He buys me somthing with my money in his pocket. Or he brought what ever it is on a credit card which I pay …won it at the casino my […]
My stepdad’s been drinking all afternoon, and it took me 15 minutes to get him to leave me alone after my mum went to bed. I’m alone downstairs now. Left to dwell on the last few days.
I’m still insanely hyper, but at the same time I want to kill myself – not just having the thought pop into my head and then it leaves, I want to go out with my tools to somewhere remote and end it. And I think this is more serious than when I usually want to do it. I’m usually too depressed to move, which explains the lack of attempts […]
So, I already had my initial appointment with my new psychiatrist. He said he was familiar with existential depression but was not too familiar with existential psychotherapy. He asked about all the anti-depressants I’ve tried and I told him I’ve tried them all and I don’t respond except experiencing the horrible side effects. He wrote me a prescription for Remeron, which now I recall I was on before and had extreme fatigue and dizzy spells from so I am not taking the medication.
Today I had my first appointment with the therapist who the psychiatrist wanted me to see for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) even though […]
I’m going to start writing stories about suicide on here. And this is going to be my first one. (by the way, the reason why I used veil so much was because I had originally wrote this for one of my homework assignments, and oh well if some parts don’t make sense)
Every day she would walk the halls veiled. She would wear a big smile, but the smile was never real. She wouldn’t bother anybody; she would sit quietly. She would have her nose in a notebook she would draw or write in. If she wasn’t using her notebook, she would always get lost in […]
I lost my soulmate.
I loved her with all of my heart. We’ve known each other for five and a half years and we were best friends. It was an online relationship and we were young so we weren’t serious about it. But a few years ago we realized we could really make this work and so we tried. We stood by each other through thick and thin, through the stress of me having a job and graduating high school and everything. I felt like I had the perfect future because we promised each other we would go to the same college and work in the […]
Just a picture I threw together on my phone in like ten minutes. But a bunch of shit in my life right now just became more shitty. And my mom was confused why I reacted the way I did because my life is just so great, at least she thinks. 1. She’s only there for the good parts. 2. She doesn’t know anything I’m dealing with. 3. I don’t have god shitting his shiny gold turds into my life […]
Hey, just wanted to let you know here how much I appreciate everyone here. I think we all were looking for something unheard of in the real world when we joined up.
I also just wanted to let you know I read as many posts as I can and even though I don’t have the words to help most of the time, I do support you.
Thanks everyone who responds to my posts for putting up with my whining even though you clearly have your own trauma to deal with. I feel I don’t have a lot to offer in return. But sincerely, thank you.
Hello everyone, I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and support the last few years. I have hit a wall and I think this is it for me. The constant pain and suffering… I just can’t deal with it anymore. So tonight is the night. I have a cocktail of sorts arranged with a backup plastic bag, I know we aren’t supposed to talk about methods so I will leave it at that, I’m not sure if it will work but I am hoping it will. This site has been a source of inspiration and just a huge amount of support […]
sorry to post again put I’m too unstable I was fine the part of that wanted to left . But he went vacation because it’s back and I am not OK . The only thing I want to do is miraculously drop dead or cut myself honestly . I don’t know why I want to do that, but I have so much heaviness in my chest right now .that maybe if I cut it might let some of this black greasy feeling out. It feels like I’m in Mourning like someone die that’s how sad and hopeless I feel. I don’t know what to […]
Today someone was talking about suicide and he said no matter how bad it was it would get better. He then offered an anecdote of how he had a friend who had a friend who wanted to kill herself, and when she called up the friend and told him she wanted to kill herself and listed all the reasons why, he told her she was right but that she should wait a year, and then she did, and within a year her life had turned around, she was happy, etc. I want to know, where do people even come up with this bullsh*t?? do they just assume […]
I know
I know that my friends have other friends.
I know that I might be too busy sometimes or that I don’t always have a ride.
I know that I can be annoying, selfish, violent, moody, but I just want you to understand.
Understand that whenever I make a mistake, I think about what you would have done. That when people meet me, I think about how much better things would go if I were you. That even though I may seem fine, I just want to die.
I know that I’m awkward and don’t have as many friends as you. But it doesn’t help when you brag about what someone […]
Mood – Numb.
Conscienceless in thought – Extreme low.
Mental – Cognitive.
Physical – Certain areas of my back, neck, and face are screaming.
Emotional – Someone hold me and lie to me tell me it is going to be okay.
So I had an idea to write to my disease and see if it could respond. I want to know what it wants… I do not know. I am 31 or 32 years old I do not even know without thinking and I currently can’t really do that for the fear it will make me worse off. Get fired from every job I get because I have an “authority […]
So yesterday my husband told me that his mother is gonna pay for a vacation…greaaaaaat*sarcasm* something eles my mother inlaw will throw in my face. Do I care no I dont I’ll get vk,you’ll think you will have something to hold over me . when the young couple who lives with us said ….I wanna gi when dose her life began .
My mother in law has there nerve to say” let me set your’s facts straight ,your life starts when you have your own house your own income and children. ”
And she not paying for thr trip wich is a lie to make me feel […]
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