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A life changing experience

by Lsari
written by Lsari

So it has been a while since I last made a post on this site. Some of you may know that I was in a severely fucked up state. I came very close to trying to kill myself again but being on the edge of the abyss allowed me to do something I wouldn’t of been able to do: Lie with all I had.

Some of you may be confused by my last statement, let me try elaborate. I had completed my degree in IT, majoring in Software Development, over a year ago but in my final year of uni I suffered a mental breakdown and barely […]

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Afraid To Leave

by thehusk
written by thehusk

So I’m planning to quit my crappy retail job in the next couple of months. I’ve been thinking about it most of the 3+ years I’ve been there. I live with my folks, and they’re hoping to move within 6 months. I’m thinking I’ll go with them.

I figure I’ll have to quit then anyway, and if I do it before the move, I’ll have some time to sort my shit out a bit. If I wanted to carry on there, then I’d either have to travel 4 times as far from the new place (which would be ridiculous for the length of my shifts), or start renting my […]

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Do I want to live no but im still trying my best and proud of myself.

by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)
written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)

Am i perfect not at all. I wish i had more exciting imperfections besides bitterness and anger but it is what it is. If there was such thing as a sure suicide method I’d probably do it. Hanging doesn’t work well and the dam near me doesnt have a convenient way to the drop. Also its survivable imo. I had a gun once. I was scared of vegitating myself so i didn’t do it. I would have fucked up the shot. You get nervous with a gun. I’m mad i was ever born still. But do i always see a hopeless loser in the mirror? […]

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Old Entry Found

by JiminyCrispies
written by JiminyCrispies

IF YOU ACTUALLY READ THIS POST, READ THIS SECTION IN BOLD FIRST:

I found this in an old notebook dated May 27th 2015 and I decided to type it out to keep it documented since I need to destroy the notebook before my family see it and hand it to my psychiatrist.

It contradicts quite a lot, and it’s extremely confusing. I don’t remember writing any of this. I can only assume I wrote it during a time when I was too ‘in-tune’ with my hallucinations to understand what I was doing.  

The contradictions may be different voices and/or demons/figures arguing with one another, I don’t know […]

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My abridged story.

by theineffable
written by theineffable

Hello all, first time poster here, and I know not how long I’ll be around to post again.

I was born just as any other fortunate kid – to a loving family that deeply cared for me. When I was young, and growing up, I engaged in many of the same activities a kid from my time period engaged in: television, Nintendo, sports when the weather permitted, etc. I was never abused by my parents, and only received discipline when I stepped out of line (which I deserved). I was also a bit spoiled as I grew up – my mother brought in a salary of […]

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What Causes Depression?

by princeroxpa
written by princeroxpa

Depression is usually caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. My depression is often triggered by negative thoughts. When I have a bad ride or receive a low grade on an assignment/test, I often begin to think of myself as a failure. I have been working on this with my psychologist. Instead of saying I should have done something, I try to apply to the future. For example, I will spend more time studying a specific chapter or section or I will  work on keeping my horse’s attention. This way, I’m not beating myself up for the mistakes I have made. Instead, I’m learning from those […]

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mornings

by evildandelions
written by evildandelions

Mornings seem to be the worst.

At any rate I’m feeling upset, angry? that not just that my ex gave up on us, but that she (probably, I might be simply imagining that she feels that way) believes she had no choice.  That there was no chance for us.  That we (she?) wasn’t healthy enough.

I don’t believe this at all.  I do not believe my being depressed and anxious means I can’t be in a relationship, or have a healthy one.  My ex and I had this one issue, serious enough for her to leave me, but- even she said this- we were amazing in every other […]

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The Other Side

by Cordless
written by Cordless

despair41

A few decades ago, when I was still depressed but had more energy than I do now, before my health declined to the point where I became disabled…

I had a six-month internship in a mental hospital, working to become a music therapist.

I got to see all types of patients.  Schizophrenic, Depression, Bipolar, Alzheimer’s, Psychotic… everything.

I can’t go into details because of confidentiality, but I remember one moment more than anything else.

There was one day when a new patient was admitted.  He was […]

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Sad for no reason

by outinthedark
written by outinthedark

For some reason, these past few days, I’ve been really sad, but I don’t know why. My life’s been pretty ok these past few weeks. I mean I had a meltdown on Monday because I had to go apply to college and I don’t want to do college. But I have to because I can’t move out because I don’t have a car and I don’t make enough money to support myself which I learned last semester. And the only reason why I moved back in with my parents was because I hated it more at the last college I was at. But anyways, I […]

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House of awkward

by disgusting
written by disgusting

Yeah, I’m still around. Don’t want to go back to another week of work. ugh. Well, just musing a lot about the $1.3 Billion powerball. I truly think whoever wins will get killed, most likely by the government because they won’t let some average schmuck walk away with that kind of money! I truly don’t think they would have that much come into contact with someone who’s not already in the 1%. We’re all outsiders, even the everyday yuppies you see out and about. We’re not allowed to have that money.
Anyway, even if I did win the lotto and lived to tell about it, things […]

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Sorry

by beaubri
written by beaubri

I’m sorry I haven’t been here for a month. I wont get into detail.

But I’ve though a lot and it’s gotten me this far.

I miss sp though, I miss everyone here. I’ve been working a lot, and drinking. It’s been depressing me. And not to mention it’s that time of year again for my depression to settel in. My birthday is in a few days, january 11th. And I’m not looking forward to it.

I was depressed this week, I still am. But I hide it very well from the real world. I all usually winds up at the end of the night that I despise […]

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Self-image

by DaylightFades
written by DaylightFades

This is pretty different from my other posts (as I usually post poetry), but I was feeling it so I figured I might as well.

One of the things that can be found in my top-hat of issues is body dysmorphic disorder. Basically, this means that most of the time, I have a warped perception of myself.

I lost weight rather quickly in my senior year of high-school (250 lbs to 180 lbs), through exercise and healthy eating, and for some reason I thought that the weight-loss would solve all of my problems. It didn’t, and created new ones. My jeans said size 8, and my shirts […]

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just everything

by evildandelions
written by evildandelions

My doctor thinks I might have an endocrine disorder since my hormones are somewhat off and due to some “symptoms” that I have like hirsutism, excessive sweating, and slight edema in the face.  I just thought that I was a hairy person (although the facial hair is relatively new), that lamictal caused the sweating (and hot flashes), and that that was just how my face is genetically (somewhat “pudgy”).  I don’t see an endocrinologist until the 14th, but she went ahead and prescribed me metformin- supposed to help regulate my hormones.  When I see the endocrinologist I’ll probably have more blood work done to see if maybe […]

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Couple pills and no one to stop me

by red_river
written by red_river

I’ve been feeling like shit lately, turns out holidays and depression isn’t a good combination.Today was shittier than most, just one of those days you know? My parents know about my depression so they got me antidepressant and a roster of other goodies to turn those frowns around. Did you know if you take a lot all at once you feel shittier because they aren’t working and they just sort of numb you but it’s more depressing because you have to realize the only way to handle pain is popping useless pills.  So then you grab a razor or a gun and you hold it […]

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Just when I thought it was supposed to get better

by SecondSon
written by SecondSon

I’ve spent a year and a half helping my gf through her depression/anxiety/cutting/suicide thoughts, and I am supposed to start my master’s classes in March but somehow, my parents went from paying $50-60k a year to f-ing $150k!!! Like I get adding another person to the food bill makes it go up but adding my gf to food bill with my brother living off of his school loans, should not cost that fucking much. Like i’m glad i didn’t go to Hawaii or New York. I stayed and worked, but the company was nothing but sales and didn’t know consulting from their own assholes . […]

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Happy Xmas

by Nusu Nusu
written by Nusu Nusu

2015 wasn’t an easy year for me.  I didn’t attempt to kill myself but the thoughts at times to do so, were relentless.  Last couple of months I’ve been doing group therapy for the first time since I was a teenager, with people that share my particular label which is borderline personality disorder.  It feels good to be around people who are in the same boat.  It has helped me feel less alone.  I’m having to use my annual leave at work, to attend the appointments, which is a bit rough, because normally I’d use my annual leave as ‘sick days’ or as a day […]

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I’m worthless

by HenkWeg
written by HenkWeg

I’m worthless to society. There, I’ve said it. There’s absolutely no use for me and there is no way I’m ever going to be of use to anyone anymore.

I’m a 41 year old man, no relation, no proper education, no job, way too insecure to even handle anything remotely relating to success and having nothing of interest to anyone. When I open my mouth nothing of interest to anybody around me comes out of it. I really am of no merit to society.

It hurts a lot to see all the people around me have wonderful complete lives, with working careers, friends, hobbies and relations. Basically the […]

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Anger

by evildandelions
written by evildandelions

I’ve been so angry at my ex, sometimes to the point where I want to say or do mean things.  I’ve been able resist actually saying anything (although at one point I made my friend hold onto my phone so I couldn’t text her).

But in the last few day I’ve been feeling a little less angry, just so incredibly sad (although I expect the anger to return periodically).  I miss her and everything we had.  I miss the future I thought we’d have together.  I miss having someone who knew me as well as she did, someone who is my best friend, who I can trust […]

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NO worries it’s just my dead body

by alum
written by alum

So I got the job, I graduated, I did it. Throughout all the torture of having those really bad lows. And it just doesn’t get better, even if you get a good salary, even if you work in your field, able to pay back on loans and debts and are financially solvent, it just doesn’t get better. I lost my phone, I am still with the person that irritates my very being. My apartment looks like a hoarder’s, I have packed boxes from 6 months ago sprawled around. I’m starting a new job. I’m not even sure if it’s the right decision or if I […]

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