Something is wrong with my brain, life, the world around me.
March 2019
Every post i click on, i see you in the comments. Youre a very kind soul. Thank you for listening to and offering kind and supporting words to all of us.
A mentor of mine said something pretty revolutionary to me; “Learning is pain, one cannot exist without the other.”
It upset me at the time because of the intimate relationship that I have with pain, and my job is essentially to remove pain from people’s lives, or at least bring it down to manage-able. So why do we hate pain so much, and if we hate it so much why do humans expend effort seeking out situations that cause them pain?
It’s been bothering me for awhile about people who have toxic families. Beyond a certain point family is a chosen relationship the same as any other. […]
Hey,
Last 6 month were extremely stressful for my own experience, and a lot of fears or other worries of mine, have re-appeared.
I have started playing idiotic games on the computer in purpose of escaping reality. I have ditched my studies and fell down in the final exams.
In my own perspective the last experience was harsh enough to deduct my self esteem and many other aspects. Now I have to deal with the consequences and find solutions.
So what is my plan?
Well first – slowly accept the idea of harsh reality, and tough problems.
While doing the first step, I am also coping with my urges of “running […]
I have a friend who consistently wears long sleeves. Today during class her sleeve fell up to reveal cuts all up her arm. She quickly pulled up her sleeve and doesn’t think I noticed. I am very worried about her because I had a lot of self harm issues and I don’t want her to go down the same path as me.
Should I tell the school councillor? Should I talk to my friend? I don’t know what to do.
What do you think about people and souls? Do you have a soul? What is and what does a soul do in your opinion?
I think l have a soul because l have felt many negative and sometimes positive emotions in my chest area over the years.
I envy other people because they don’t struggle with their emotions like l do.
Hey, I wanna stop my ranting posts but I still love talking with yall. I really think there are some interesting, amazing people on here. So I just thought I would post something on a lighter note… I know this aint any regular chat forum but it isnt against the rules so fk it. I am really curious what kind of music do you guys like. I think it really reflects one´s personality. If you want post your favorite artists or songs in the comments and I will check em out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBUl_YtWuYA
Here is my current favorite song. It´s kinda sad but I love it. What do […]
One less suffering soul in the world. One more soul who found peace.
Why does society tell us to cry and shake our fists and donate money to “suicide prevention” when the act of suicide itself is an individual’s way of successfully ending their pain? Why do we glorify police officers when they wrestle a suicidal person to the ground and throw them in lockup for 3 days, thus “saving” them, even though after 3 days that person is going to go right back to suicidal agony? Why do we tell people to “be strong” and eke out 80 years of agonized life even though we […]
I have always felt unworthy of living. As I don’t deserve my life because I don’t know how to live. Hardly anyone accepts me. It is hard to make friends. Hard to find a good job. Hard to survive. I’m tired of being frustrated. I have tried ending it but could not. But its okay to try to live. To keep trying to change your life little steps at a time, trying to change your toxic and self destructive habits. I hate myself. But i’m going to make a attempt to live
I feel like my time is “near”.
I was doing my best to continue. To advance one day, followed by another day. I was grateful if I could pass another day.
But, it seems like such luxury will vanish soon. Enduring a single day is enough to make me suffocate. I even have trouble breathing as I writing this. (Note, I never have asthma.)
Right now, I’m anxious if I have enough strength (or luck) to reach tomorrow. I don’t know what I’m trying to accomplish with this post.
For now, I am doing my best to breathe deeply. Hoping my anxiety and fear would pass.
I guess I’m gonna keep saying it until it feels 100 p. cent real to me.
Last night, my brother molested me.
And why reveal this to some forum you may ask?
Because I’m not allowed to tell anyone else. And I want [need] to tell someone.
My parents are trying to steer me towards forgiveness. I’m not having it. I’m at my mom’s house and I haven’t seen him since the incident. I feel like my body isn’t mine. Like I will forever be marked by those cold hands on my breast.
I’m desperate for human contact just answer this stupid message I feel like I’m […]
I have trouble letting myself be happy. I have everything going good for me right now. So what do I do? I try to ruin everything because I can’t bring myself to believe that I’m allowed to be happy and have good things. I’d rather wallow in pain than be happy
You cant get drunk enough. You cant get high enough. Ive tried. And last night was just another fail at not feeling. Just…..a minute. Thats all i ask for. A minute where i dont feel anything. No pain. No fear. No anger. No sadness. Just completely numb.
Another issue that I have never addressed on this site is my romantic life. Mainly because this site is not the safest place to talk about personal things, as I have no idea who any of you are and things could get dangerous. If you have those intentions, just know that I am ready. However, my Mom always told me that I assume the best in people so here I am trusting a bunch of like-minded individuals on the internet.
I love women. I love talking to them, their soothing voices, their caring complex, and of course the other things that a man enjoys in the […]
There’s no way there is anyone in my face to face life that I can talk about this with, but it feels like it’s going to poison my heart if I don’t get it out.
I had a dream about being intimate with my best friend. In some ways it is expected, I used to be romantically attracted to her. On the other hand, it’s inappropriate. She’s living with me and my fiance for christ sake. I’ve been dealing with her being suicidal lately, being the shoulder to cry on and so on. I feel very responsible, and that seems like a positive thing.
I just can’t […]
Hi my name’s Olivia, at least I wish it was. I’m reluctantly mtf transgender. The reason I’m posting here is because I’m tired. All the time. No matter what. I’m a failure because I’m behind in college many years, im a failure because im a freak for being transgender, i have severe ocd, severe depression, and extreme gender dysphoria. Somedays I have good days but when i think about it i wouldn’t really mind if i were dead, i would prefer it most of the time. I’m 21 and have achieved basically nothing in life except i have a small local clothing brand that i […]
Why am I so terrified of it? and any intimacy in general… IDK. I was always proud of being a rational person. Like I am a bit afraid of spiders but if I knew it isnt venomous or smth I would be able to hold a tarantula or smth like that coz I would just tell myself there is nothing to afraid of. But when it comes to intimacy my rationality just goes out of the window… I am just paralyzed. I ´ve been going out with a girl I really like recently. She likes me too and gave me very obvious signs that she […]
What would it take to want to live?
For me, the answer feels pretty simple: a bit extra money. I know he’ll never win, but it has been a little nice watching the increased interest in Andrew Yang’s presidential candidacy and his UBI proposal. $1000 extra per month means I wouldn’t have to get a second job. I will never have the skills needed to earn a decent living (at least, enough to support my interests). I can’t manage stress, I can’t do things quickly and efficiently. I won’t be able to claw my way out of my hole. There’s no need for someone like me […]
It’s time to stop talking about it and make my way to the exit.
I think I’m going insane, I can’t think of anything but hurting other people and hurting myself. I have people I care about and I don’t want to disappoint them but I can’t get the thought of blood out of my brain.