For the past week, I am not feeling myself lately and this is not relatively a new feeling, but this past week has been more aggressive than its ever been and culminating today was the disaster i dont wanna think it is , but dismissing so , would not just be denial but also forthright i donno what, i am at a loss for flowery words, right now the only thought pulsing through my mind, is that i have to end this the quickest way possible i want to jump off a cliff,possibly a tavern, hack my heart with an axe, bleed till i die, […]
Category:
Chronic Pain
he is one of the most decent persons i know. the problem is that i’m a piece of shit who would rather run away from all my problems and leave no one with my burdens. i want to run away from everything, everything. i just wanna shut myself and play games and sleep in my room. i don’t want to interact with anyone in real life. there’s no point for me to participate in society anyway. i’m just a useless person who keeps giving out half-assed work because i’m so burned out and depressed.
he doesn’t deserve a piece of shit like me. at this […]
i have to make so many posters in 3 days. should’ve started over the break but my dumbass didn’t because i love to procrastinate. i am so stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid
i am incompetent. so incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
i am worthless. so worthless
worthless
worthless
worthless
worthless
worthless
worthless
worthless
worthless
worthless
worthless
worthless
i don’t deserve my happiness in this life. i deserve the worst kind of death. the worst kind of punishment
dear god please just kill me now i’m so sorry to my dog and my boyfriend and my family and […]
It’s been about 10 years since I last posted here. A lot can happen in that length of time, and a lot did happen. Little of it was any good, but there you go.
My dad, for whom I was a full-time live-in caregiver, died about 2-1/2 years ago, from cancer. Last year, both my cat and dog died. I’ve still got a mum around, but her health is sketchy. I’m finally employed, but in a very part-time capacity, and tenuously so. Turns out I missed a deadline (completely my fault) and that will play a significant role in determining whether I am rehired when the […]
It’s fucked, I know
Right when things go well, I go and fuck it all up
Like just now
I have a boyfriend, a new position in my workplace that doesn’t suck ASS. I’m away from an emotionally abusive mother and an apathetic brother.
But you had to start cutting again?
I wish I could just die, but I have too many connections right now. The most logical way for me to go is in a way that causes the least pain towards the people around me.
I’ve thought about ruining all my relationships. Just becoming belligerent and hateful for the sake that they see […]
I have depression since I can remember. As a kid went through all sorts of family violence and abuse (being sexual the only exception I think). an alcoholic father, 2 much bigger siblings that used to bull me and beat me real bad sometimes… (It’s ok, I Don’t blame them anymore. I feel like they had their own issues as well…) No one to talk to or ask me what was wrong… Alone at home. Alone at school… Running to uncles and neighbors whenever my dad freaked out and tried to kill my mom, sleeping on couches. Never having a place… feeling like total stranger […]
Today i cut myself 34 times on arms because i couldn’t handle the pain of not being loved by the person who i love the most in this world.She hates me the most in this world.i hadn’t done anything wrong to her i just said that i love her.She crucifies me each day by ignoring me.My time on this Earth will soon come to an End.”I’m lost and it kills me inside”.
Even my best friend doesn’t talk to me.My Family accusess me of everything going wrong inside the house.My whole family is troubled and my whole life is Fucked Up.
I just feel so alone and empty. It’s like no matter I do I’m just a ghost, a background character, irrelevant. Im so tired of it. Im tired of being alone and empty and crying all the time. It would just be better to end it then continue like this
I have been hurt by a lot of people. Abused, verbally, physically, sexually. I was made to remain silent because the one who did it to me was a medical student. The faculty said it was for the sake of inpatients in this medical school, I had to stay shut and allow myself to see him abusing more people. They made me fail a module as a threat, and as punishment for disturbing their peace. I lost all of the money I collected to retake the semester. I have no money to treat mg breast tumor
Then this year came. It rains, A LOT. Oh for […]
Hey.
So this is kind of a very belated response to my last post.
I wanted to say thank you to everyone that responded to it. I was in a very dark place. Still am, actually. But it helps to know that there are people who actually took the time to acknowledge someone who is quite literally facing their own mortality. I won’t say I have it as bad as other people on here, but I’ve never been an emotionally sound person to begin with, so I guess this just hit me harder than it should.
I’m still going through with the plan. I know a lot of […]
I’ve come so far yet learned nothing.
Took a risk in hope to better my confidence. Failed to understand the simplest of obstacles. Isolated long enough to meet the stranger I see in the mirror, it stands with no emotion. My world is full of confusion, more of the same shit everyday.
My life if you can call it that. The purpose is to evolve and participate in modern society. Work, Love and Raise children. Everyone must contribute. I on the other hand have been left to my own perception, which is dangerous given you need others opinions to know right and wrong, to trust […]
I don’t really know what to tell you. Your influence has permeated every state of my being. I have tasted many different flavors of your catalogue. Loneliness, isolation, pain. How could anyone even begin to understand? I walk a road that ends in death. No one connects; let alone has the ability to help. Maybe I should have taken that woman’s advice. Maybe I should have joined that group. How should I gauge my contribution to this pit inside of me? Either way, it’s become my home. I spend my day in pain, ready to say goodbye to Mother Nature and Father Time. I cry […]
You also must be ‘smart’ especially in terms of knowing how to make money. And often times, that also means you also have to be opportunistic, follow the system & rules (just like everybody else), even be cunning, sly, ruthless, brash, full of tricks, greedy, selfish, ready to step on other people who are ‘weaker’ (eg: poorer, etc).
Money is everything in our modern society today, unfortunately. It’s all about money nowadays. And if you can’t beat the system, then you have to join them. Everyday you are forced to survive, or for survival. And if you’re not strong enough to follow the system/rules, then too […]
I’ve managed to screw up everything good I had going and turn it all into a bunch of fucked up shit, like always. I’m shit at my job, and I accidentally fucked some shit up because I’m too fucking stupid and cowardly to ask for help. I’m too much of a coward to speak to my college advisor and schedule my classes for next semester. I’m going to fuck up my French final because I am too fucking stupid to understand which verb tense to use and I’m apparently fucking too incompetent to even understand the review. I’m too much for a close friend of […]
For some weeks now I have begun the steps to ask for my assisted suicide. It’s something permitted in my country for psychological reason. I guess that some of you will then guess what country it is. I don’t want any comments on my posts if possible.
I’m sorry my posts won’t certainly be very well written and it won’t be very… how can I say that… liquid in the way that ideas will come as they arrive in my head. So be nice please.
I just want to leave my trace. I don’t need any comments or anything alike. I don’t seek for empowerment […]
I like the feeling of it running across my skin.
I like the deep rich color.
I like the scars that it leaves behind, the look, the feel.
I like the stains it leaves.
I like the pain it brings.
I like everything about it.
But I hate myself because of everything I do to see it
I’m so happy.
Not about my life, nor that I found reasons to live longer now.
I’m just so happy and so proud about most of you.
I was so afraid sometimes that I wouldn’t find anyone among the commoners that think like me. I didn’t meet anyone, among 1 thousand people I might have met in my life until now, among friends, friends of friends, dating apps/websites, co-students, forums, … that actually thought like me or at least understand my suffering and how lonely I feel. How deeps is the abyss of my soul. Which result by having to fight every day, at least […]
I lost my youth.
I’m older now, while time eats away my energy soon it will consume my fate.
Life doesn’t teach anything. Only death speaks truth. Brings emotion that’s beyond life itself. I envy the dead. There is no righteousness or reason to abide by morals in this common Society.
Dont do this/dont say that, right and wrong, good and bad.
Let’s not censor the barbaric nature of humanity for it is, who we are. Always have always will. The only way to get you’re point across is to be violent.
Yet words can be just as dangerous, sadly it cant defend you […]
Yes EVERYONE. Including YOU. I don’t wanna hear “I don’t hate you” or “I don’t even know you” cause it’s all bs. I know you enjoy watching me suffer on the TV. Don’t think I haven’t caught on that my life is a TV show where whoever is running my show pushes to make me as miserable as possible, sometimes beyond the point of suicide. But of course I survive because if I died, you’d have nothing to watch.
Are you enjoying watching me suffer? Does the mere thought of everything that’s happened in my life turn you on? Obviously it does cause I’m still suffering. […]