So I will start off by saying that this might seem like I am looking for attention but I am not. This is what I deal with and I don’t know where else to express myself. Please don’t judge me. I’ve had enough of that.
Depression is hard. Its like being strapped to a table and left there in the dark with a chronic pain that just gets worse and someone constantly whispering in your ear:
“If you give up, I can make the pain stop”
I sit there wondering “Is it right? It hurts just to breathe, Why is it happening? I hate myself, I […]
I’m so messed up. My mind is messed up. I feel like I can’t see reality anymore. It’s like I’m stuck in my chaotic mind and It’s killing me. I don’t know the way out. I keep distracting myself and doing some stuffs but then I feel like I’m caged inside my mind. It’s like I’m here but I’m not here. I’m tearing up because of frustration. I don’t know how to fix myself anymore. I don’t know what to do and it’s fucking killing me inside. I’m going mad!
I feel like I don’t really exist. I feel like an asshole everytime I do anything, whether it is right or wrong. I can’t do anything. I don’t want to do anything. I want to do something. I have to do something. Is living that something? No, it couldn’t be. I don’t deserve to live. I don’t deserve to die. I don’t deserve anything. Everyone always gives advice, but it’s shitty and never works. I can’t believe that I actually trusted them. I can’t believe that I trust myself. I can’t […]
I’ve realized something of late, something that fucks me over every time I even think about it. I never realized how much of a bloody nihilist I am. It’s disgusting. Some people have a real reason to become a nihilist (though it’s never a good thing), but there is no reason for me to be this much a a bloody misanthrope and cynic. I disgust myself by simply living, I disgust myself by thinking of suicide. I can’t win against myself, and I am not sure I want to.
Of late, I findmyself wanting to read, wanting to write, […]
I don’t have anyone to talk with, as i have not had anyone in almost 6 months, so i just want to put these thoughts here and see if maybe someone can help me understand. I’m sorry if it’s long.
Before i was alone, i had a wonderful relationship with my best and only friend. We were each other’s best and only friend and neither of us wanted any more/other friends at all. We were almost the same, except my friend was often buried in their own negativity. No one in their life was supportive, understanding or positive, except for me but right now i don’t […]
Hey everyone, just me- Im 19 right now and I really hate my life . I see people complaining back and forth about trivial things and the truth is I always believed they didn’t know what true pain was. But I know it isn’t right or fair because I’m just comparing their pain to mine andy oroblems aren’t anyone elses. I was molested by my cousin when I was about 8 in 4th grade. the earliest time I can honestly remember this, I was experimented on and I was penetrated my older cousin. Both my cousins fondled me though. That may not […]
I want to forget this house and these people i want to forget the life im leading i know if i continue on this path it’ll lead me straight to the darkness within myself that im so afraid of i move in just a few short weeks i haven’t continued with packing or clearing my room despite my needing to I’m honestly afraid this won’t change anything i need something I’m being torn apart by the two people who tried to raise me my father who beat me and tried so hard to forge me into someone with no feelings no emotions no regret he […]
posted this a few months ago, made a few edits. Feeling alone and misunderstood.
Where is the sunshine?
The end of the pain?
Because I am damaged,
I can’t stand in the rain.
The skies have been dark.
The wind is still whipping.
How am I standing?
What keeps me from tipping?
Because i am damaged,
My limbs tatered and broken,
The life that lived in me
Is now slowly chokin (g).
The storm pushes on with violence and fury.
My leaves are all falling,
Like the snow in […]
The same problems from my family are the same , problems with my in laws are the same . I want to cut but I want to cut so deep I bleed out I know my wrist won’t work I want to slit my throat. my phone is a jinx and broke again so my husband went to get me a new one he asked me if I want to go I can’t my in laws are coming back in town so I have to clean . while he walked out my head said no don’t go if you do I will kill my self […]
Thinking about suicide? Ok! Now let’s talk about it. Help each other out.
España/Spain:
www.telefonodelaesperanza.org
Atención en Crisis: 902 500 002
USA
1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
En Español:
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp/spanish.aspx
UK
0800 068 41 41
PAPYRUS
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting-help.aspx
México
01800- 290- 00- 24
Línea de Intervención en crisis
suicidologia.org.mx/podemos-ayudarte/
Australia
13 11 14
Lifeline Australia
www.lifeline.org.au
Why do you cause me pain?
why do nothing when I cry?
Why do you break my heart?
Am I not good enough for you?
I search for you throughout my day, I work hard so I can come home to see you, I strive for your love but you don’t see, you don’t care, you just yell, I finally have the courage to tell you what I’m feeling and you scream at me an to what I feel, I get thrown back down, then you get angry because I don’t tell you what’s wrong. You say you struggle everyday but when I say, you yell at […]
I lost my only child to “sudden unexpected infant death” at 9 months old. I fed her a bottle, laid with her till she fell asleep, laid her in her crib and then found her an hour later blue, cold and unresponsive. My husband did CPR until EMS arrived. They worked on her for over an hour and never could bring her back. My life ended that day. I’m simply an empty shell wandering around trying to be what doctors percieve as “normal/healthy”, considering. The only reason I’m still here is because I can’t bring myself to inflict this pain on my own mother. I […]
Spent most of my day crying today.
I’m pregnant so I’m sure I’m doing terrible things to my unborn son by merely having depression.
I’m currently in therapy and under the care of a psychiatrist. I lie to them because if I don’t I’m 100% positive Child protective services will take my other child back out of my custody and the other once they’re born.
Just an FYI the government can take your children just because you have mental illness. My advice is to lie. You might not get the help you need but let me tell you it’s better than losing a child.
I […]
Hi. So, I’m just posting not because I have anything important to say, I never really do, but just because I wanted to post, and for me, as well as like every other day of the weak and of my life, Monday’s are shit, too. You happy, sane people don’t relate to me on this and couldn’t care less what I have to say, and I don’t know why I’m here sometimes I just, like writing. So today sucked. Spoiler alert, it was another shitty day, none of my days seem to be any better than the rest, usually only worse. But some days I […]
Oh God SP friends I am in a major crisis. I am ready to find anyway I can’t to commit suicide. I have just had it up to my eyeballs with this chronic pain and the bullshit of life. I just want to die. tell me why I shouldn’t do it. I’m so desperate to be done and gone.
Reality is boring
real-life is boring
real-world is boring
not like movies, comics, novels, anime manga, video games !
also,
I hate Humans , Humans suck
I hate Human , Human suck
I hate Humanity, Humanity suck
I hate people , people suck
Most humans / people only think about Money ,
and this reality is boring !
reallife is boring !
realworld is boring !
people / humans are so shallow, superficial, stupid, ignorant
Humanity is hopeless
if there is God , then God is boring !
even Science is boring too !
Science fiction (Sci-fi) is much more interesting than real Science facts !
why […]
Its been a while since ive been on here. I was feeling more positive for a while then it all went to shit. There is something really wrong with me. I subatage my life on purpose. Maybe im looking for rock bottom. Since the last time i posted i took a little trip back to jail. My dad likes to call it summer camp in polite conversation. Lol. I was fighting a serious charge for class x home invasion in illinois which gives you 6-30 years in jail. Last time i couldn’t tell the truth. Not when what i wanted to say could have been […]
So I am a senior male in high school. I’m 17 going on 18 at the end of June. There’s this one kid Zack who is a freshman at my school and I fucking hate him. I haven’t really talked to him but knowing what he does makes me sick. He dates a girl and makes out with her and everything, he is all sweet and charming and everything (little does anybody know he’s really a ***** and extremely aggressive and violent with guys) but the catch about the girls he dates is that they all self-harm (usually cutting). Sounds like a sweet boy right? […]
Hello SP: I am having a really difficult day and need help/encouragement. My body hurts so much today. Just can hardly move. I am so tired of being tired all the time. I’m tired of not getting restful sleep no matter how long i stay in bed. I am tired of not being able to type because my hands hurt so much (I am dictating this.)
I am so tired of it hurting to cook and clean and do laundry and even work in my garden.
I have so much to do this weekend and I am so overwhelmed and so tired.
I really need help tonight. Thank […]