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Family & Friends Effects

The effects of suicide on family and friends.

Pathetic Start Of 2021

by Virus.Found
written by Virus.Found

I’m so very empty… For 4 years you had been my best friend. But I didn’t feel important to you for a long while. I’ve cried out, for more time with you, more affection, but no matter how often I did, you didn’t care.. you didn’t care enough.

I’m not a happy person and I need more than other people do. I’m sorry, I’m like this.. I really am. Telling you goodbye, was one of the most painful things I did this year already. Great start of 2021.. Now I see you removing everything around me, that had anything to do with you. It hurts. But […]

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Happy new… Anything

by Virus.Found
written by Virus.Found

I’m so tired of holding in 80% of my pain. Somehow others don’t notice the 20% I do show. And if I show more, no one wants anything to do with me. I mean, I get it. Nobody wants to hang out with a sourpuss, who ruins their happy mood. I’ve really tried my best. I did, lovelies. I can’t keep upsetting everyone for being too busy to give a fly.

So the solution is simple. I have to go away. I have to leave everything behind. Everything I’ve ever owned, been gifted or bought myself. And most importantly, the people I’ve constantly upset with my […]

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thoughts

by plasticflower
written by plasticflower

All i want is to stop being a nobody in my own family, the last priority. Is it too much to ask for people to thank me from time to time?

I feel quite hopeless today.

I can be an asshole sometimes, and even though I don’t ever misbehave on purpose, sometimes i just can’t stop myself on time. Every single day i try my best to act accordingly, to do everything that must be done and what is, now, expected of me. However, sometimes i simply lose it, and act out. I don’t know why i do that, i really don’t. But it hurts others […]

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Hi Stranger, Be Safe On Christmas

by Virus.Found
written by Virus.Found

It’s the time of year, where many have to sit in a living room with long lost family members together and listen to their BS. You won’t like what judgemental thing they’ve meant to say all year. If it’s about your career or lack of career, LGBTQIA+ related or you’ve picked the wrong partner. And you came to vent here, because it’s your last resort to somehow not lose it right over the cranberry plate. It’s alright, this holiday can be stressful to some, while some really enjoy their time. You don’t have to feel guilty of not finding it a magical time or listen […]

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Too Kind For This Planet

by Virus.Found
written by Virus.Found

The title is, what I’ve used as the first line for a ‘matchmaking’ profile on a chat portal. I’ve had 8 matches that day, excitingly hitting everyone up, in expectation of finding fun people to hang around with. Well… Not even that little tool filters out all of those braindead morons.

 

Some didn’t know what to say at all, I had to pluck it out of their noses and some gave me not only ONE but TWO emojis as replies all the time. It’s cool, that apparently you’re laughing but I didn’t open an open mic show, I wanted an actual nice conversation about anything really. […]

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Debriefing

by mustardteagirl
written by mustardteagirl

Forewarning: this post may contain triggers for victims of sexual assault, drug addiction, homelessness, domestic violence, self harm.

Resilience has always been my ally. I first posted to this forum for help when I was 12. To be completely honest , I’m a little surprised to be writing this right now.

Unfortunately, although my resilience got me this far (I’m to turn 23 on January, the 5th), I’m struggling to see beyond the current moment, unless I want to feed the intrusive thoughts and disgust that I feel. I can’t fake positivity and I don’t have the energy to pursue real happiness. I feel like some sick […]

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A dugout in the mountains

by Sbilko
written by Sbilko

The world is getting worse and worse. I don’t think it’ll get better. Floods will come, more politics s**t. The world isn’t going to unify to combat floods, it’s bs, it’s everyone on their own and every country for itself.

I don’t want to be around during all this turmoil in the next decade. All I want is to have a small, nice house with solar panel roof and a small garden, in a pleasant suburb. No technology, no internet, no politics, no bs, but peace, just peace. A stable wife who’s my best friend, and free time to spend with our children.

I don’t want to […]

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96lbs is too fat

by BlueHell
written by BlueHell

Hi! This is something I want to tell someone but I don’t exactly have people that I trust enough to tell. Or maybe I’m looking for advice? I don’t know— But I’m kinda conflicted with my body image. I think that I look just fine with my stretch marks and all that. Then there’s society’s image and I’m afraid of people seeing my stomach or notice how my thighs are a lot thicker than the other girls my height. I don’t cook either, I rarely step into the kitchen because I’m a mess in there. My mom is the only one who cooks and basically […]

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<3 VIRUS LIKED YOUR POST

by Virus.Found
written by Virus.Found

This day was a rollercoaster of good and bad. In me trying to find sense in other people’s actions. I did okay. But you know what.? It took me the whole day, but there’s no fucking sense to be found. People are just assholes, end of story.!

“You should totally get that app or social media, I’ll love you for it, but secretly I just want you to like my posts and share my own mind in my staged-as-fuck stories. Oh, did you see my many gifts I wrapped for aaaaall of my many friends, look how fortunate I am. Oooh, what did you get […]

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Mountains Be My Resting Place

by Space-Cadet
written by Space-Cadet

I’m not sure what to do, I just want to die.

I’m being kicked out from the last family I have left. I escaped a four year, extremely abusive relationship, and begged to the last blood relatives I have for shelter. It’s been nearly a year since February, and they’ve decided I don’t “fit in with the family” and am “not getting better,” so they want me out. I have no health insurance, I’m on disability for major depression, BPD, and a myriad of physical health problems. I’m not able to navigate Medicare or anything, I honestly just have panic attacks when trying to do anything […]

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Don’t know what I’m doing wrong

by ShatteredStarlight45
written by ShatteredStarlight45

I’m friendly, I smile, I act interested in and welcoming towards people. I ask them questions about themselves, laugh at their jokes, agree with them, just generally try to be pleasant to be around.

I try to be extroverted and zany and funny, since that’s what people seem to like and respond well to, but it never, ever lands; people just look at me weird, then go back to what they were doing like I never spoke.

If I’m my quiet, introverted actual self, people quite literally don’t notice me, let alone talk to me or include me or invite me to things. It’s […]

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9 Email

How do I know when its time.

by itistimeformetogoyet
written by itistimeformetogoyet

I am just so tired. I do not want to hurt my family or my friends, I do not want to become more of a burden dead than I am alive. But I do not want to be here anymore. No part of me wants to live and the only reason I am is to protect others. I can’t keep living just to make others happy. I haven’t wanted to live since I was in 3rd grade, I am now a sophomore in college. Yes, look at how far I have come. You can tell me to keep going. I don’t want to. I want […]

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Depressed City Boy

by Virus.Found
written by Virus.Found

I was trying so immensely to have ONE positive day once in a while. It worked for like 5 hours and then my head started to make up the worst possible scenarios again. And I overspilled with my words AGAIN. Nobody wants to hear my thoughts.

I’m starting to think I have mania, I’m going crazy man. I could pick up a school bus with this overflow of energy. And I can’t sleep. I could not f@cking sleep for days. I’m a sound sleeper, that’s extremely unusual to me.

I thought I was okay for today, I really did think so. But then there was […]

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the universe is against me

by anastasia1040
written by anastasia1040

Nothing ever works in my favor. I started losing friends one by one every fucking year and blamed myself for not being good enough, barely getting through my childhood with once used-to-be abusive father. I’m glad he’s changed now but the effects never really went away. Nothing in my life works in my way. I am desperately clinging on to the job that I am suffering in because I have to support my family, my mom is really sick but I cant go back because of the pandemic, and every fucking day I have to go through a whole anxiety attack before I start work. […]

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Show your care

by Virus.Found
written by Virus.Found

Who else is actually not cruel at all, but wants somebody to feel the pain, that you’re feeling yourself.? Yeah. Me. I bet if people would know, they wouldn’t be so f@cking disgusting towards each other.

My posts here are most often about how hurt I am by the actions of others. Can somebody tell me, how I can start being more ignorant like them and be less affectionate.? I can’t see anything but cruelty. What have I said wrong AGAIN.? Most often, I don’t get an answer. I’ve stopped asking this a while ago and turns out people are fine with that.

Also when […]

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Tortured… I know it well , Terry A Davis.

by TorturedAndExiled
written by TorturedAndExiled

Ive been betrayed, abused, mentally fucked, cheated, lied to , spied on, stolen from, robbed of happyness and all my belongings, caged in psych wards, my entire life… But it occured to me, a few years ago… That I too, live in some kind of floating box CIA prison , the same as Terry A Davis claimed he did, and explained… For over 20 years. Even in my youth, people shit on me, talk down to me, betray me. .. fuck me over… The suicide attempts, the depression, the pain i went through, the betrayals…. I never knew I lived in some kind of prison […]

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I said a lot, they said nothing

by Virus.Found
written by Virus.Found

Fact: Nobody likes a downer.

There’s just so much I don’t share with people. I could do way worse, than budging every once in a while and sound like a total pessimist, especially badmouthing myself. And if I ever do, people probably think, I’m being dramatic. Well, if only you could look into my head, you’d know that it’s just an inch of what I’m feeling daily.

I can’t pull these ridiculous jokes anymore and act, like everything is alright. I just can’t. Do you ever send something depressing to your ‘friends’ and go to bed and think: Shit, I’ll probably regret this tomorrow. And […]

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People always tell me that I’m privileged, spoiled, and have a good life, that I should be grateful. But what if that is still not enough? What if I want so much more in life?

by niki
written by niki

I’m an idealist. I have big dreams, and even visions to change the world. But sadly, in reality, there are still so many factors that limit me from achieving all my dreams. Instead, here I am just being another normal, ordinary, average Joe on the street that just only do mundane, boring, & meaningless job everyday. Even worse now, this all has led me to experience an existential crisis (or existential depression), that honestly, now I don’t even have any motivation, or basically zero energy to wake up every morning, because what’s the point? What is the point of living, and what is the purpose […]

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I’m tired

by fadedobscurity2
written by fadedobscurity2

It seems to go in a bitter, vicious cycle. I take meds. I get better. I run out of meds. I don’t have financial resources to pay for the meds. I find the resources but not before I’ve “detoxed” off of paxil, buspar and doxepin. Not pleasant. Then the cycle starts over. During the time I am “detoxing”, I usually try to call it quits. I push my family further away. I retreat into myself. I haven’t worked outside my house in 3 years. The cycle starts over. I’m tired of this cycle. I want out, I want it to end. I am […]

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