Family & Friends Effects

The effects of suicide on family and friends.

9

When I was Gay…

  December 14th, 2017 by lunachild

When I was four

My mom would squeeze me into a suffocating dress

With ruffles that would make me itch

Like pins and needles jabbing from every stitch

Until I ripped it off without a sigh

While a tear rolled down my eye

 

When I was seven

My mom would paint my nails

Colors of a blooming flower

And for that hour

She would restrain my small hand

Becoming as rough as the sand

Until it became dislocated limb

One I could never put back in

 …

Processing your request, Please wait....
2

That time of year

  December 14th, 2017 by dietcigarette

I feel like I’m going to implode if I don’t get this out somewhere. Here feels like the safest place. It’s gonna be kinda long, and a heads up for mentions of self harm and disordered eating, I guess.

Lately I’ve been preparing myself for what I’m calling my families own civil war. It’s been creeping up on us the past few years and this year is the year when everything is going to go to shit. My brother is likely being placed into foster care, my dad needs to move but everywhere is far too expensive, my grandma is dying and her medical bills are …

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

I was already bad, and then he died

  December 14th, 2017 by SunshinesBlackhole

So, I first wrote on here in 2013 talking about my budding depression.

I’ve had lifelong issues: chronic illnesses, abusive parents, bullying, many sexual assaults, death of family members, panic attacks, self-harm, suicide attempts.

I wrote in here when I was fourteen. I’m nineteen now, a sophomore at a good college. Decent GPA. I haven’t cut myself in years, I was seeing a therapist, on some helpful medication. I was better, never good, but better.

I had a bad breakup a few months prior. I was getting diagnosed with yet another a new chronic illness. I was estranged from my friend group because of said breakup, and my …

Processing your request, Please wait....
2

there might be hope

  December 13th, 2017 by lovvely

note: This is very important. I want to share this and show that hope does exist.

 

so, hi.

Again, all of the sweet comments, were as my name says, lovely.

Thanks to the people who were concerned about how I’m being treated by others, and also the people who said they had also experienced depression or anxiety. It was very reassuring.

 

Today was shockingly a decent day, it’s not yet finished, and the night is yet to come, but maybe it’ll all turn out okay. Night is always the worst time for me, and probably the most difficult to get through. I try to sleep it off, but it almost …

Processing your request, Please wait....
7

What are you doing Chloé?

  December 12th, 2017 by chloe17

Its 12.30pm on a Tuesday morning, people my age are at work or school doing something meaningful with their lives yet here am I: Lying on my bed with no intention to make today worth it. I don’ t even know how I found the strength to type this. I have a job interview in a couple of hours yet I am wondering if I should go. I feel like doing nothing. Nothing interests me anymore. I have lost my appetite, my eyes are swollen from crying everyday.

2017 was one hell of a year. I graduated from college, I turned 24, got my first car, …

Processing your request, Please wait....
1

being your illness

  December 12th, 2017 by onemorehour

 

 

i lost my grip about 5 years ago, i started thinking that everyone i loved hated me, that they would leave me, and so i pushed them away.

 

i had been through a lot of trauma with the people i loved, people we loved had killed themselves and as we always took life as it was a little harder than the rest, i thought they would understand, that they would stay by me as i had stayed by them, that they might help me out. they could not handle it and i manifested the abandonment through my paranoia and dramatic cries for help that no one …

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

who am I

  December 12th, 2017 by Drained-Blast

I’ve been around this project for a while but I did never have the energy to post, today’s am feeling bit better and that’s why I grabbed the opportunity to write.

I feel like having a whole population in my head, each person trying to make it theirs, looking from outside I have the best family and a prosperous future, but no one ever asked if I am really happy about it.

my parents ruined my life with their fucking ideal principles, : you should not do this, school before friends, school before hanging out, shcool school school and then school, ok I secured my future but …

Processing your request, Please wait....
25

Empty Promises

  December 10th, 2017 by AZSAM

If you believe in God, I want to know why.  I’ve tried, hard.  It all seems like lies and empty promises.  I’ve done what was asked.  I followed the rules.  Nothing good ever happens.  The love of my life just walked away after 2 years.  I’ll never get over her.  She’s not perfect but sure as hell was perfect for me.  In every way.  For 2 years, I prayed, cried, kicked and screamed.  I begged God to find a way to put us together for forever.  Ultimately she decided God didn’t want us to be together.  What!?!?  He never talked to me about it.  Church …

Processing your request, Please wait....
0

Disorganized thoughts

Disorganized thoughts

  December 6th, 2017 by RiloMor

 

  • It’s not like I haven’t tried to speak my mind to, tell someone. In fact I have been hospitalized for my depression, 7 day lock up with medication and a councilor to ‘talk about it.’ But why did they believe me when I told them it was because of some random girl making fun of me for being gay and trans-masculine. I don’t know why I’m depressed, or why I panic when I’m near people or feel the need to just scream for no reason. Why did they think it was another person hating me when I was hating myself for not knowing why

Processing your request, Please wait....
1

Expectation

  December 3rd, 2017 by My Name Is

I have a 4.2 GPA. I am on the varsity swim team. I am an honors student right now and there’s not a single class that I’m taking that isn’t advanced. I have a good amount of friends and my teachers like me. I live in a good stable family it looks like with two parents that are still together along with a brother and a sister. My family can afford to go to the beach in the summer for the weekend and allow me and my siblings to have out own rooms. I have a seasonal job that paid really good this year and …

Processing your request, Please wait....
11

Anxiety

  November 29th, 2017 by firefly11291998

I have  social anxiety as well severe depression and bipolar disorder. I was raised in a very christian family where any mental problem is made up. My dad does not accept it as a problem, but as a way for me to be trying to get attention. I have told him many times that if i was trying to get attention, he would not have spent days and nights in the ICU and the ER with me. Just waiting and hoping for me to wake up after another overdose. idk what to do bc he will never understand no matter how much i try to …

Processing your request, Please wait....
11

Everything in one post (Almost everything)

  November 29th, 2017 by Fuckedupworld

Well, uh I don’t know where to begin really. Here goes nothing.

I’m 17 years old, male by the way. I’ve not gone through much but that small, meaningless actions I went through shifted me into who I am today and brought me up to wander along the idea of suicide.
Now let’s get to the very beginning, ever since the first grade I had this cousin of mine who was the same age of mine, and our families decided to set us up on the same class.
She, yup I know, well she’s been a pain in ass ever since the first grade, hell I think she’s …

Processing your request, Please wait....
5

My story if anyone cares

  November 28th, 2017 by Max

1

My story of depression and sadness.

  November 26th, 2017 by Stacyissad

Um hi guys,i don’t know how to start this,but i will try.So im 13 and this is my story.My parents are strict.When i was 8 years old my mom was cheating on my dad.My dad found out and every night they were arguing and yelling,my brother was just standing there and i was trying to stop them from fighting,sometimes they stopped.But then one night they were arguing and my dad had enough and grabbed his gun(yes gun,he was a policeman) and thank god i took all the bullets out,because he tried to kill himself.Then everything changed when i was at school everything was

2

Violently Stressed

  November 25th, 2017 by GerbzBaby

As I’m typing this I feel like having a meltdown at work. Every call, every person that I talk to gets me angry. I feel like taking my fist to a wall. I’ve become very moody and violent as of late because of family and friends. They don’t listen and my friends either replace me with someone else or obsess the fuck over my sister. I feel unwanted and I want to run from it. Hanging out with my shit ass friend didn’t help me becaus he just kept trying to get my sisters attention as I tried to make a conversation with him. …

2

I found hope, some things are unexpected

  November 24th, 2017 by Jombo

Hello guys! I haven’t used this website in 2 years and seeing my older posts are quite a strange experience. I came here in 2014 because isolation and depression pushed me to the edge, rock bottom, or whatever. Started feeling depressed 10 years ago! It’s my Sadniversary and I thew up my birthday cake. My birthday was wednesday and I had a violent indigestion, because why the hell not.  Well this feeling persists, yet again. The reason I’m here today is because even if I do feel this pain, this need to die, this very heavy weight of self shame and being worthless, it is …

5

I feel miserable, help

  November 23rd, 2017 by Mkayyy

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Frankly speaking  I know. I live in a country where it’s very hard to become independent, especially for a woman.. Independent mentally and financially from your parents, where others opinion is the most important.. where woman are compelled to live according to traditions, that  include virginity before  marriage and if you disobey this then they won’t stone you, but you’re compelled  to get  married  forcely because otherwise your family turns back on you. I tried  to live up to my parents  expectations.. tried to.. but their  expectations were  too high, they thought I would be too smart, too …

1

A year has

  November 22nd, 2017 by DepressedFilipina

A year has passed and I still have the same problem as I was a year ago.

The only thing different is now is that it’s not just emotional pain but also physical pain. There are times where I can’t breath. Sometimes I have back pains, body ache, dizziness and head ache. I’m not saying its about my depression but the thing is, this sickness adds up to I’m feeling.

I thought I could escape this through some people entering my life but unfortunately I can’t. They made me felt special, yes but it was just a glimpse. I felt it but just for a moment.

 

 

7

Making it look accidental. Indecision

  November 21st, 2017 by whatshouldmynamebe

Part of me wants to make my death look like an accident, not like a suicide. To make it easier on my loved ones, friends, family and girlfriend. The only problem with that is not saying goodbye really bothers me, and generally these methods are more risky( but i’m not trying to discuss methods)

Another part of me wants to leave a suicide note, to try and explain my rational and hope they can understand and don’t think that they weren’t enough. Because truly, the only reason i’m killing myself is because of myself.

What are your thoughts?

7

giving up someone who loves me. Help with grief (advice wanted)

  November 21st, 2017 by whatshouldmynamebe

I can not function in this world, this has been a long time in the making.

The only reason I am having trouble killing myself is because I have an amazing girlfriend. she deserves the absolute best in this world. She showed me what its like to be human. She loves me beyond my own comprehension. The selfish part of me loves how much she loves me, but the loving part of me hates it because it will break her heart when i’m gone.

The only thing that causes me more pain than myself, is the thought of her reaction to my death. Im afraid it would …