General

Most of my suicidal thoughts or tendencies come from the fact that I constantly feel an overwhelming feeling of loneliness no matter what i do, no matter who im with, and no matter where i am. it follows me like my shadow and is always constantly there no matter how much i shake it off. but recently (as in the past two years or so) i’ve started struggling with the lost of a purpose in life.

im a college sophomore, and i know i should be grateful and think of myself as lucky because im able to get a higher education. but i actually dreaded going […]

If someone has something I want, I become resentful of them and talk shit about them. I hide my insecurities with unwarranted hatred, just like my mum. I never wanted to be like her, but I am. I’m brash, I talk shit constantly about people that I’m jealous of, and I drink.  (im a minor but my mum doesn’t care) I love that little buzz I get even after just a beer or two and it’s like nothing can bother me. And if I have more than two? I’m on top of the fucking world, baby.

It’s up to you but i would like to get to know your situations. Share whatever you are comfortable with.

1.What is it that you are facing, can’t surmount, can’t deal with. What happened to you, what is going to happen to you, what have you suffered or are suffering from.

2.What do you do to cope?

3.What are/were your dreams?

4.If you would like to add me on instagram so we can have a chat? I would really like some friends though it may sound weird because im forming a bond with a stranger with a high chance of losing them (Venus Hope/ Venushpoa, with the nice looking […]

I saw you post a picture of you smiling… I hate it. I hate it because while you smile in your posts I… I still remember how you hurt me. How you made my life so miserable for so many years but here you are smiling, smiling while I still feel like a loser today because of you. How can people just forget what they’ve done to others so easily? While the one they tortured for so long still feels the same until they decided to stop? How can they just go on and continue with their life when all I want is to […]

I want someone to love. So much. I’m young so I could find someone one day, maybe. Love would bring me true hapinness, not just the pleasure that goes with video games, coffee, youtube, whatever.

Anyway, thats it. People here complain of having had a good life before which then got ruined. Well know that I always had a horrible life. Since as far as I can remember.

let’s see how long i last before i go back at looking useless shit to find something to do

All I want is sleep yet I can’t seem to get enough of it. I lie here, wondering when I’ll get tired enough to close my eyes. But come morning and I’m actually tired. Stupid cycle. I’m getting so tired.

I really wish I could end my life tonight. But doing that would be overreacting and too dramatic lol!!!!!!!!!

Does anyone (in their mind when they think something is unfair/stupid) use their fucked up past/ traumatizing experiences as an excuse to do fuck all and rationalize every bad choice they make?

Nobody gave a shit about me when I was struggling. I feel like I have the right to not do schoolwork and be apathetic towards everything related to school, I have the right to treat my mom like shit because she did the same thing to me and my brothers when we were younger, I have the right to take a fucking break with everything because I never got one when I was younger. But, […]

I promised you my last week, but im not sure i can do it. A week to think about things. A week to let you talk me out of it. A week of what!? You know what the last day brings. is that really something you want weighing on your heart? just sitting there the whole week acting like everything is fine. hoping and praying i dont go through with it. so you can blame yourself once im gone. “why didnt i stop her? i had more than enough chances”

i know what i promised however im sorry but i feel nothing good can come […]

i almost died. but i didn’t. i put myself in a safe space and accepted the fact that i wanted to die. i invited the fact that i wanted my life to end. i sat, drinking a glass of water and thinking what would happen if this was the end. it wouldn’t be fair, not at all.

I dont want to be the reason someone hates life, but I dont know how to will myself to be happy. I’m not self sacriicial, I dont pretend to be happy, when my depression hits idc about putting on a smile. People dont ask, I dont tell. But if I could be happy and help someone else find hope and smile, maybe I suffer with a smile. I love you all.

I wish I would stop lashing out at my boyfriend, well it’s never really going to get any better. I’ll probably end up driving him away in the end. Yeah imagine that, a fucked up person driving away another fucked up person. :O
I was mad because I wanted to meet 1st August but there’s only like 11 or 12 days away and he still hasn’t found accommodation. Not sure if he’s that BUSY with work, if I’m an asshole, or he’s just lazy. Or I didn’t give him enough notice. Or he doesn’t really want to meet me.
Now I’ll apologise yet again. Don’t […]

Send me a quick message via kik at Kalmahavak. I’ll gladly talk to any of you or be a friend to anyone who needs it. 🙂 Let’s get through this shitty world together!

So I knew this girl K, we were together for more than a year and I really loved her, actually I could imagine spending my whole life with her. We broke up in February, at first it has been more tough for her, but she moved on in like three weeks when she started dating this asshole D who has been around her since we met, she annoyed her all the time adressed her “honey”, “sweetheart” e.g., if there is someone I hate to death it is this guy. When I found out, I just lost it and attempted a suicide by knife, but I […]

I wish l had an easy exit at da momnt

I don’t understand what is going on with me, I just don’t feel joy anymore. Okay I feel some sort of joy momentarily, for example when I see something super interesting or very funny, but these just last a couple of seconds. I don’t have interest in pretty much anything. And when I have the interest I cannot find the energy to pursue it, I’m indifferent to so many things. I’m looking back and seeing that the last time I was happy was back in 2011 or something. And one day in 2015 when I bought myself something that I wasn’t expecting to find. I […]

I feel like if i could love someone. save them from what im feeling right now. i could be ok.
every second of the day i wish i had someone to hug. im not lonely, im just upset that i cant love someone.
i have so much love to give, the only time im happy is when i make other people happy.
but nobody wants to let me love them because im a freak.
life is like the movie taxi driver. im in a constant dreamstate trying to choose between proving my masculinity with violence or heroic compassion towards a someone who needs me.
i […]