I look like a spoiled brat keep flinging throwing paper, punching on the table and burst into tears, my mom asked me “What happened? Fill her in.” I said because my TSI reading score is appalling and I cannot pass the TSI reading test. I don’t like the TSI reading test because it keeps bugging me some sesquipedalian to describe a word that’s very long humongous and multisyllabic words I don’t even know like ravenous, sanguine, prominent, upholding, vigilance, … My mom said let settle down, get over it, look on the bright side, and put that test behind me. I gulped down some water […]
Category:
My Suicide Note
When I was younger I attempted suicide many times, I obviously failed. But when I got better I read that people who try are more likely to try again and be more successful and I used to cry cause I was so scared I would try again and die. At the time I didn’t want to die and I was scared to return to how i used to be. But now I’m in this place where I’m not going to commit suicide but if somehing were to happen to me I don’t know if I would stop it or if I would try and help […]
Im really struggling to understand how/why my husband chose not only to blame me but to make a campaign out of it in his suicide. His note blames a threat I made (I kept threatening to have him arrested for his violence, I was referring to historical violence but he was paranoid and thought I’d lie and say it was ongoing) but also makes reference to needing the kids to be saved from me, calling me a monster. He left a list of alleged domestic abuse I’d done which ranges from true, to lie, to downright bizarre, to deliberately calculated to sound like something bad […]
It’s been a long time. A lot has happened. I started having pain in Jan-Feb this year and found out I’ve got arthritis on the level of an 80-90 year old and I need my knees replaced within this year. Of course I can’t get that because I’m on state care. It’s rapidly degenerating and I face being in a wheelchair unable to do anything for myself. The nerve damage has gotten worse and I can’t feel anything but PAIN in my hands and feet and it makes it hard to wipe my ass just because it’s so painful to hold on to the toilet […]
Karla destroyed my heart, hopes, dreams & confidence so badly that I started working a song:
You told me you wanted to grow old with me,
You threw me a way like yesterday’s garbage,
You crushed my heart,
You destroyed all my dreams,
Now I cut with a knife and
it makes everything all right
You caused so much distress in my head that I can’t sleep,
Now I cut with a knife to make everything all right
I cut with a knife and it makes everything all right,
You’ve hurt me so much,
I can cut with a knife
and not feel any pain.
I’ve come to […]
So this is my life long sob story. Here you’ll find stupid thing that I’ve done and really stupid reasons behind it. -you probably will encounter spelling errors and poor grammar-
So starting off , i grew up as a kid with little. We weren’t poor but we barely survived. My parents got divorced when i was very young. My mother married an asshole who was abusive towards me (bare in mind they never drank alcohol or used drugs) they had 2 children after they got married and they were everything, i was nothing.
Moving on a few years after some abuse and shit.
My dad comes back into […]
I receive no justice for my rape, no friends to comfort or care about me, failed hopes and dreams, a family who have no understanding or provide no solace for the pain I have been through and no love to somehow be my hero and rescue me form hellish existence. Somehow I’m suppose to live and persevere through the misery and turmoil I suffer through now for some false pretense of a better future. FUCK THAT!!! I’m tired of seeing life as precious as they do. I’m tired of living by their rules. I’m getting my escape and I don’t give a fuck whose fake […]
So much for trying to be assertive. I just made things worse. He won’t listen because he knows that I am the problem; he knows I know I am the problem. I just wanted to make things better for everyone. I just wanted to help make some people’s lives less miserable and I fucked up and ruined his instead.
I have to see him EVERY FUCKING DAY. I fucking stood up to him, to his condescension, because it drove me fucking insane and it hurt those that I care about very dearly. But you know what? I STILL FUCKED UP. I STILL FUCKING RUINED EVERYTHING.
I […]
I let this happen. I deserve the consequences.
Why do I feel like I want to die all the time? Because I deserve it. You know that. I know that.
I don’t deserve that escape, though. I don’t deserve that escape.
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
No.
I hate me.
I brought this on myself. I did this to myself. I forced this on myself.
This is hell. I cannot escape. I deserve this. I fucked up and I deserve it.
At the very least, I hope this scatter-brained post will give you a laugh. Just kidding, I don’t hope for anything, save for what I mention in the following. Well, maybe some sections of this post will resonate with anyone who might read it some day.
Once I become financially stable and relatively successful, I might want to kill myself in complete sobriety so that I can prove this point to my dad: Not all suicides are a result of drug-ingestion or addiction. I’ve always wanted to die since I was a child. I even told my mom that “I want to go to Heaven already,” […]
there were so many times when suicide seems so tempting
numerous times i was pondering on ending my life,
ending all of my misery
but i’m too scared of the pain.
there were times..
i was thinking,
what would happen if i crash myself across a passing car or truck?
would i die?
would it hurt?
what would happen if i cut my wrist with a razor?
was it gonna hurt?
would i die from the blood loss??
what would happen if i hung myself in a tree using a rope?
will the rope choking me to death?
what would happen if i jump from the rooftop?
would i […]
Here is my note, purposefully vague or else it would be a novel.
This is not a suicide note. This is simply my documentation that I purposefully and willfully decided to put a permanent end to my physical and emotional pain.
I weighed all my options carefully, choosing the one that would ultimately be beneficial to all involved. I must admit I went so far as to insure that everyone was angry at me to make it that much easier.
My girls are grown independent women that no longer need the likes of a clingy father in their lives. Therefore, without me around,they will be able to enjoy […]
I have always been a failure despite achieving a lot early in life. Sounds odd, but trouble followed me since I was a teen, leading to the bottom I hit, yet again. I have attempted to take my life several times in 20 years. the first time I saw the light and was given a choice to live which I stupidly accepted. The second time I saw the darkness, an empty void of loneliness and despair. Again, out of the darkness came a light that gave me yet another chance. Now here I am 10 years on, and again I realize I do not belong […]
Every single minute
Every single hour
Is too late, devoured
Her time had come
Her time had gone
The lyrics are missing, to my song
Every single minute
Every single hour
Was supposed to be ours
Her deed was done
Under a hurting fire
Not only hers to take, expire
She had done much more.
Every single minute
Every single hour
Is too late
3 year
2 year
Of Obligations devoured
All will be finished
All will be done.
“I’m sorry mother”-
Biting my tongue-,
You’ll be missing YOUR heart-,
-missing YOUR son.
WARNING: It is not enough if you have read these techniques. You must put actually put the techniques into practice! Everyday we are expected talk softly to suicidal people and treat them as though they are rational and understand how the brain works. They don’t. If you don’t understand that you REALLY don’t know about mental illness and you better read carefully to the end. You are the only one who can fix this and unfortunately you have no training, education or experience to do so, and the disease you have actually tries to stop you from fixing it. I was depressed until the age […]
One thing i´ve always thought of is that it´s so scary when someone mentally ill and suicidal (me) falls in love. We start feeling whole again. Like we´ve got a purpose, a reason to be here and a reason to start and try.
But one thing that really scares me and hurts me inside to think of is that; what happens when the person who´s saved me leaves? What happens when the person takes away all the hope and love and beauty and rip out all the stitches they used to put in their partner together again and the broken soul is left worse than they […]
I want to end my life, But i want to end it in a way that doesnt hurt the people around me. I’ve come to learn that this life really aint for me, i tried for so many years to stay strong and fight the pain Im feeling, But its absolutely impossible and Nobody really understands the mental illness Im going through. I dont really like to talk about my depression to a lot of people, Cause they think that Im calling for attention or that its no big of a deal. But i really wish They knew What Im going through
My biggest problem is […]
i am considering suicide strongly today and i need to know what is the best way to do it. What would you recommend and do i need to leave a note behind?
Please excuse my ramblings if they don’t make any sense, I don’t really sleep anymore. This isn’t the root of my problems I’m just saying maybe the things I say won’t make sense because I’m bad at communicating when I am this tired.
I don’t really know what I want to say actually, I am just very lonely and lost. My world view is very dark, from what I have seen of the world, it is very ugly to me. I don’t see people in a good way anymore. Lots of things went wrong with me, I hate myself so much.
For the past five years, I […]
I can’t get out of bed. And that’s one of the main reasons why i hate myself so, so much.
I hate myself for doing nothing, for being unproductive, for being a worthless failure. I hate myself for being so fat and ugly and not trying to do anything about it.
My whole body feels numb and heavy, and my eyelids droop, yet at night i can never sleep.
Why am i like this? Why can’t i be like the girls at my school who have their lives together; who are on the school teams, have friends and significant others, who have no serious physical ailments, and who […]