just one more day i tell myself, then ill do it. i…….. no one cares about me, no one. i have no friends…i cut myself all the time, i have about 20 deep cuts on my legs right now. ive told ppl and they dont care, they just yell at me. i used to drink alot but i dont so much anymore but  i think im gonna start again now, i ………its an escape, i dont remember how bad things were the morning after, i feel happy and warm and fuzzy and i love it, the taste is good, it helps, stupid psychiatrist told me […]
Rants
i am so sick off people telling me to keep strong and stay brave maybe i dont want to maybe i’ve had enough off being strong and fighting all the time for hings to get better for….. it all to go wrong again…
a year a go i tried to kill myself with a massive overdose and if i was found like 20 mins later i wouldnt be writteing this i still hve the scars where i had to be shocked because my heart had stopped why couldnt they just leave it that way… 🙁 i had to face my family and friends yeah but now.. […]
Just got out of bed, it was the phone ringing that forced me to it today. A call from some volunteer organization I registered to join approximately three weeks ago. To tell me they were past their capacity and couldn’t have me. Of course. They are just flooded with people just itching to work in homeless shelters or accompany the sick and dying in hospitals. Someone do something to stem the endless horde of volunteers….please.
Oh man rejected from volunteer work. I’m really too tired to get depressed about this today. Sometimes you can only revel in the absurdity of it all.
Besides what better start […]
You know how you hear about deadbeat husbands who let their wives do all the work and planning and don’t help much around the house? Â The ones who can’t get jobs, who play video games most days?
I’m that guy.  I’m in my mid-20’s and have been married a couple of years.  My wife is in a master’s program, and I am still trying to finish up my undergraduate degree.  I was once a star student, getting 4.0 almost every semester while holding down two part-time jobs.  Now, I fail most of my classes, don’t make money for us.  I will be graduating a lot later than […]
Everyone told me things would get better, they even promised, said I will start to laugh again and eventually find myself. I think I did for a lil while but as soon as my confidence came back, and I started to feel strong, he came back ripping my heart out again. Not as bad this time bc my guards r up. U C when u leave domineering after 12 yrs, a month before there 30th birthday , when they r having health issues, well it hurts; bad!! I felt like my life was ending. It was bad news everyday for months, from the Doctors or […]
So, I cry all morning till afternoon when I have to somewhat rein it in a little to go out get something to eat and once outside I get fearful looks from at least 3 different people that I remember clearly, probably a lot more. So there I am torn by loss, regret and the inevitability of dying alone and afraid in a forest and they have nothing better to do than give me dirty looks fearing I will attack them!?? Me?? I’ve been in maybe 3 fights in my whole life and I’ve always treated people with a lot more respect that they damn […]
I often think about finally ending it all…the only thing that’s keeping me from doing it is my family. I feel numb. I can’t express my feelings. I love this boy but I can’t tell him…I don’t know if it’s because I’m embarrassed to be seen with him because he’s not apart of “my crowd” or if I’m just too scared to try because I care about him so much…maybe it’s both. I just think that it’s impossible for me to achieve the success and happiness and love that I long for….so what’s the point in trying, right?
I’m so confused about what I want. Â I’m a 23 year old female and yet I have these strange, conflicting cravings about sex. My boyfriend utterly destroyed my sanity when he left about eight months ago, a grand feat as I was the most stable, sane and normal person I knew. I knew myself so well then… I was a smart, strong, career driven, straight feminist. I had a normal to low sex drive, but I blamed it on the fact that we didn’t live together and it was more difficult to be romantic while my roomates were in the next room. Then, after we […]
i dont know what i feel anymore. theres pain because i still cry at times, but a lot of the time im just too tired to feel. im starting to think that feeling tired will eventually take over all other feelings, and i dont know what will happen then. ive been thinking about suicide for years, but im always too scared to do it. i dont care about pain or anything that could happen while im alive, im just afraid that once i die, something awful can/will happen because i killed myself.
i dont really wish to be dead, i just wish to put an end […]
So i actually wrote a suicide note and drove to the middle of nowhere but i didn’t go through with it. i love my children too much to leave them alone in this horrible world so maybe after I’ve raised them i can finally bring myself to end all of my suffering. or maybe not i don’t want to really end my life but to search through it, i don’t find anything good enough to keep slave driving myself for any of my dreams because everyone i love interferes with any and every dream hope and aspiration i have had it like if I’m […]
My best friend shot herself almost six months ago. Ever since her death, nothing in my life has been the same, no matter how much I try. She was the best friend I ever had and the only one who I could talk to about anything and tell all my secrets too. I don’t have anyone like that anymore. In fact, I don’t have any friends anymore. After my friend committed suicide, all my other friends at college (who didn’t know her), started pulling away from me. I felt like I had some kind of contagious disease that everyone was trying not to catch. The […]
And, beyond deciding the method I STILL haven’t lifted a finger to make it happen. If I don’t decide things by halfway through November I’ll have no choice but to wait it out till January, pointlessly losing money and reducing my mobility, having to spend another Christmas alone even worse than last year’s. Damn brutish beastly atavistic body, witless blind hoping for a miracle that will never come. I can see very clearly how it will all play out, sometime no farther than 3 days before a theoretical departure date I’ll buy the ticket to somewhere weeping all the way through endless sleepless nights. […]
So, despite the body having all these little neat tricks preventing you from dying suicide is supposedly the most easy thing in the world. Yeah, well I’m not only stupid but I’m poor as well. Need a gun? Too bad can’t buy it. Nembutual? Nope! Meds so I can not feel suicidal? Again nope!
Its not easy drowning in a bathtub nor is it easy to hang yourself when the ceiling fan collapses on its own with no weight.
To make things even better, there is no way for me to gain meaningful employment. Not only is the economy bad, but I lack even the basic funds […]
Being a ‘goth’ is never easy. 18 and hated by the neighbours,. perhaps its not a fashion statement, its a deathwish? everywhere i go, dirty looks the shouting, and why is this? whats so ‘wrong’ about me? its just the way i dress. im sure they’d complain more if i was naked? well who knows. i live in constant fear that someone is always near. breathing down my spine ready to strike. of course this is all exagerated but its still what i sometimes think. living next to the local school in which i had the misfortune of spending 5 years there, and […]
I hate how I’m forced to go to religion school every Saturday. I’ve been an atheist for years, but my mom and siblings threw me in this school so I can ” become a true Christian”.
The only reason I stopped believing in God, was because I was ignored.
I used to pray and pray for help; help to stop cutting, help for my mom, help to become a normal functioning human being, not the piece of shit I am today.
But no, no matter how much I prayed, cried, begged: nothing. Everything got worse.
Maybe I was doing it wrong. I don’t know.
Every time I go to church […]
Turned to bitter sweet memories, tales of days gone past.
Open minds and empty hearts, for love it seldom lasts.
Hopes get washed away by tides and dreams fade fast to dust.
Empty promises, long lost trust.
How many times has it all been tried?
We see, we reach, we stumble, we fall.
But somehow we always survive through it all.
And as each night turns into a new day, I hope you’ll find it in your heart to stay.
just wanna say hey im here and hi!
The door to my balcony is only five feet away. I’m on the 19th floor. I’ve tried killing myself four times. Why can’t I jump? Just thinking about going over the rail makes me cringe, yet it wouldn’t be a bad death. I’d have a beautiful view going down, it’d be quick and certain and quiet. I sat out there for two hours yesterday, wearing only a t shirt and shorts in 6 degree weather. I tried to psych myself into jumping, hoping that the cold would numb my fear. Â Eventually I gave up when I heard my next door neighbour come into the cold […]
This is my first time posting on Suicide Project. I’ve been reading through quite a few posts and I don’t know if I fit in here- I’m not a kid or a poet, but I’ll give it a shot. What do I have to lose, right?
I’ve been suicidal for seven months now. I’ve tried killing myself four times. Once cutting my wrists, twice with pills and once with a sleeping pill/bag over head combo. Obviously they didn’t take.  I’ve been researching different methods, I read Final Exit and I’ve begun getting rid of my possessions and saving up enough money so my roommate can pay rent until […]
I can’t wait to be done with my life. Every day is another day I have to face people and pretend I’m not devoured by the insides, where I have to be there for them and be their rock, their support. I don’t own a gun and where I reside it is quite the process to acquire one. I don’t have a garage so passing out in my car isn’t gonna happen. I have meds, but I’m too scared they won’t do the job. I don’t want to cut my wrists open because I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to cut the second one […]