The coin expressed that the time for waiting is over. I have not decided whether I will die today, but regardless a sign of the end finally arrived; I find that to be slightly more comforting than the thought alone of bleeding out. At least Hell won’t await me on the other side: I will finally be leaving it. I just hope a worse Hell doesn’t await me beyond this one. As for the rest of you, I hate all of you honestly; I really don’t want anybody to reply to this, and I hope it is deleted alongside this worthless throwaway account: This website itself is […]
Category:
Rants
Today you save me again
Why you always come and save me when im at my limit
Why you always give me hope and light
Why I cant let you go
Even tho I always try to forget you
Even tho I try to suppress this feeling
At the end I always end up reaching you
Sometimes you look like you dont care about me
Sometimes you chat and ask about me
You keep gping back and forth
Why we have different principal and life
But why we like each other
Why I just lke you more and more
Why you like me
And we know if we are […]
you know when you just don’t feel anything, nothing feels good, no one is important and you sit in the middle of 200 people and no one knows you want to slit your wrists and die. i wanna stab myself but i don’t have my blade, i at some point changed to smoke instead of cut but now smoking doesn’t feel satisfying enough, i can’t rant more than i already do, somehow as if ranting will make things better but not really. it’s just when you truly understand how much of a nothing you are, average at best, maybe not really average but then you […]
Last night my boyfriend and I got into a fight. It was stupid. And he hurt me so bad, that I am now trying, heeding to find ways to change how I look, and who I am.
It all started on Tuesday. He asked me if I was busy Thursday night, I said yes I am. He all of a sudden started acting upset/mad. I’m thinking it is probably because he can’t hang with me. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t wanna fight with him. Wednesday, he started ignoring me. Thursday, last night, he still ignored me. He knew I was pissed and […]
My life is falling apart. I lost a partner for no reason, there is so much crap going on in my friend group and I got involved on the wrong side by mistake. Now if I tell anyone about it my social life will go down the drain. I lasted 4 years with minimal self harm, and then it was only bites. Recently though, I’ve started cutting myself. My arm is already slit up and I cant tell anyone about it. I know it’s wrong but somehow knowing the physical pain will heal and go away makes better sense and gives me a kind of […]
Hey, i want my page to be a safe place. I can help you, and give you advice, i can help you in someway. I want to be positive because trust me, my life is negative and i want to feel like i’m not alone in this world battling depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, suicidal thoughts.
In the comment section, say something that has been on your mind a lot. If you want advice tell me your situation and ill help as much as possible.
Love you all! XOXO -AJ
Between the line of fear and blame you begin to wonder why you came…
A lyrics from The Fray, How to save a life.
I’ve been bullied when i was in grade school and it was the scariest thing a little girl have to go through.
Highschool was a lot of fun, except things from family starts to jump out.
I started to appreciate the songs Perfect and Welcome to my life by Simple Plan… Its really the lyrics that made me close to the music. It embrace me to bed.
Boulevard of broken dreams by Green day came in my playlist, That’s when i realize my friends don’t understand […]
I’m shackled to it. I find it cruel.
I’m bound to every breath I take; it’s pain. How do I make it stop?
The walls are closing in, and if I am to deal with this alone, there is only one way out for me.
Alone?
I challenge, I dare, anyone to tell me differently. I have been begging for help for months— No, my whole life?
Cherished people I’ve loved are dead. People I once called friends, are gone. My despairing, tormented existence was too much to tolerate. It is easier for them to deny the problem exists (that I exist), than to offer their hand to me […]
i don’t know what to do anymore, so, i met this friend of mine last semester of my senior year. somehow we became close very close, however, she had to go forever to another country. we stayed in touch and we kept on talking every single day. she is now my best best friend, the best one i have ever had. At even sometimes thought i liked her even more but it’s not m topic. we both had our shit and every time we are there for each other she’d comfort me and calm me and id do the same for her. it’s been two […]
Smile that looks innocent and happy
Its so pretty..
So pretty..
So I save it
Wondering when will I smile like that
Its so happy..
So happy..
So I save it
I just realize this when I see my gallery full of people smiling,m how I admire that smile and how I love the idol
I was doing fine up until last week when I ran out of my anti-psychotic medication, risperidone. It was treating my suicidal and homicidal thoughts. I was even looking for a job and got an interview But now, I ran out and can’t do any of that because my thoughts have come back again. It only costs €14 but my parents can’t give me that money as they’re abroad and left me for a month. Damn, life’s hard.
So yeah, fell in love, another bullshit story of a broken heart, yadda yadda yadda.
To keep things short, what I know think I must do is to get away from this person for a little while at least, so I can get a little better and whatnot. After all, I think it would be great to take care of myself for once in a lifetime. Right now, the only thing I want to do is to go on with my life. I’ve grown too apathetic to really care about most things that could happen next.
But, is it the correct thing to do? I wouldn’t wanna […]
If I am writing here right now, I guess it means I have come to a breaking point. I just can’t take this crap so I will get it off my chest. Second, sorry for my English, it’s just too bad.
I have been trying to beat all this crap for 15 years already. 15 years of sadness and tiredness with some anger. But during the last month, something has changed. All I feel is pure blind anger because there is no way out of this.
You can get the picture. Ignored, alone, everyone treats you like shit, no money, more and more tired, more and more […]
Hello again. Third times the charm I guess.
Since the last post I have tried all my efforts to recover and improve myself mentally and career wise. I got two jobs that I’m excited for (or maybe was, I’ll explain in a bit) and I finally was taking steps towards going to see a gender therapist to make a realistic transition timeline. So nothing can go wrong to where I can keep on living through even the toughest times right? (Spoiler alert: it all went wrong.)
Let me take you back about two years ago. At a new environment with no one I was familiar with, I […]
Have you ever thought about doing something so unforgettable?
Something that you cannot fix after pulling the trigger.
This isn’t the kind of thing you can say “I’m sorry” afterwards because if you do it there won’t be nobody to say these words.
Well, what is it? You will have to figure it out since I can’t say those words out loud.
Sometimes I feel that my life is like a graveyard of buried hopes since that’s where all my dreams like to go.
It is getting harder to breath
Harder to sleep
Harder to think
Harder to live
It´s hard for me to explain […]
Im not okay these days.. its been 3 days..
Too much thing triggering me..
These things.. the reason why Im being like this
Im still walking my days and work as always
But inside I feel not okay.. really not okay
I pretend to be okay and I cant say anything to anyone
Its just I become lazy again and getting pissed off easily
But even if Im geting pissed off.. I dont show it because im too lazy to quarrel about that
Ughh
Ughhhhhh
Ughhhhhhhhh
I need to get back…
Who am I?
currently in the bathroom, holding the razor in my hand trying not to cut, i’m eighty-something days clean and i can’t do it anymore. i’m not who i am anymore, i don’t even know myself anymore. it hurs, it really does, the pain i cause myself is more painful than the pain this razor causes. i’m. a. monster. and i can’t help but think of it every single day, think of how much i’ve changed and how much everyone i know hates it, hates ME, hates who i became. i want the old me back, please. i’ll do anything, but please don’t let […]
Wonder what spectacular, momentous events are taking place right now in places out of human reach. As I go about my days fretting over my sorry lot – lack of money, poor health, sucky job, low social status, zero relationships, no dreams and pathetic desires, there is something grand happening far out above, unconscious of me. Planets are floating, comets zipping by, stars exploding, molten lava furiously churning, gas clouds sparkling with the birth of stars, chaos amidst silence. Eternal unlike my time on earth and infinite unlike the ground I amble upon.
Sure they’re just dead matter whereas I’m a sentient Human of the 21st […]
Hi, I’m new here. I’ve been reading the post and all of you are so brave, I don’t even think I’ll post this on here. And I am sorry for the cursing, if I don’t remember to fix them, I am just too overwhelmed today, and I just want to die now! I fucked up, I truly fucked up, and all of you would tell me that it’s okay, but I don’t think it is okay. I messed up very badly. I have something wrong with me, I can feel it in my bones, and in my mind. I have something wrong with me. I […]
I just turned 29. I’ve accomplished nothing with my life. Because I’m a useless piece of shit. I have Borderline PD. I just got diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I have PTSD due to an abusive mother who never loved me. I am facing imminent homelessness. no job, no where to go. Will probably die on the streets this winter. I have a friend who is also facing homelessness. I love him dearly, but I feel like I can’t help him and that i’ll let him down. Or that I’m just a liability to his success. I just don’t see or feel any hope anymore. […]