To climb out of the wreckage of lies, deception and willful betrayal and duplicity. To perceive who someone really is under their ingenuous disguise of innocent princess playing the victim. Covert narcissism runs deep in a traumatized mind. I’ll burn the whole world down to achieve my success and realize my nocturnal dreams to reality. I’ll be damned if I let the insidious lies of a miserably trapped, cognitively dissonant, neurotically insipid, and untreated psychotic disassemble my life. The fire inside of me rages with flames of pride, dignity, and truth of self. The distinctive I. I, Ryze. And I know the Creator. My I […]
Category:
Stories of Hope
Title: AI in the future / A.I in the future / Artificial Intelligence in the future ; VR in the future / V.R in the future / Virtual Reality in the future ; Transhumanism in the future ; technology in the future ; Life is boring ; Life sucks ; escape from reality
The more detailed post:
AI is the future
A.I is the future
Artificial Intelligence is the future
because Life is boring / reality is boring / real life is boring / real world is boring
VR is the future
V.R is the future
Virtual Reality is the future
because Life is boring […]
I wanna see it happening. To see that I’m not just a sad story. That it’s real. I want to feel alive. I want to feel that there’s something for me out there. Something that will make me keep on going, keep on moving forward. Like Charlie did. I want to have someone to love and to be loved back. I want to have someone that will like the real me. That can see me, see through my eyes without even asking what’s wrong with me. I want to feel that I can live. To live with much love and hope like Charlie did. Like […]
Back in High School, there was this girl that i like, like A LOT or should i say I LOVE HER. She’s pretty good looking, athletic and the coolest girl that i know but she was out of my league, that’s the problem. I’m this skinny not good looking guy. Like I’m the complete definition of a NERD. But i didn’t care. I had to gather all this guts to prove to her that I can be the GUY for her. I want her to like me. I heard she had a boyfriend and then they broke up. I know it was a good opportunity […]
Been thinking a lot lately. It’s like I’m a stranger in my own mind and my thoughts are just flowing and i can’t control it. I can’t even sleep till it’s 4 am. Why? Cos I’m not okay. I guess I’ve never been okay. I just pretend to be okay to feel that I’m okay. Fake it till you make it as they say. But how long? Cos no one dared to notice. No one sees me like really see me. But it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m okay.
It’s been 2 years since I broke free from the cage where depression and anxiety lingers that would make me want to be dead. Life was never been so carefree and easy for me. Imagine living in a home where everybody treats you like a lowly one. I was never everybody’s favorite. Even in just a petty thing like a fresh wound gotten from playing around with some of my friends in neighborhood, my mom could give me beating and then, pulls a butcher’s knife in her hands ready to kill my innocent self. It never came to my mind that it was a trauma […]
I’ve been a fan of so many idols and never, have I ever, encountered one who communicates to fans like his fans are his closest friends. Especially last night, he said something like “When you’re feeling depressed or anything, just come to us anytime. Stray Kids would listen. We’ll fix you.” and those tears that I never knew existed for so long just kept on gushing down on my face. The way he said “We’ll fix you.” ignited some hope in me that I could become a better person, but can I really do that? Can I really be fixed when no one else can? […]
..two months into antidepressants and I am feeling so much better. I having a really good and fun time meeting new people and readjusting things I wasn’t comfortable with before. I am planning a trip overseas and I am genuinely EXCITED but….when is the other shoe going to drop?
I still have all of you at the back of my mind. I think of each person who is going through a struggle and posts here hoping someone will notice. I wish you all find the right combination of therapy and medication and get better.
I miss my friend Unknownsoldier. I haven’t heard from him in a while. […]
I told my psychologist how I get suicidal thoughts every night. She told me to keep busy but it’s a little more complicated than that. I can’t concentrate on anything I do even playing video games. I’m almost 18, I’m broke and lonely. But I do want to change. I want to start either flipping phones or an e-commerce business in a couple of months. I just need enough capital that’s why I’m waiting. I want to be a strong entrepreneur but my mental health is taking over. I have so many goals that I need to work on ASAP.
I’ve been lurking on this blog for some time but felt compelled to post today for several reasons. I hope that writing it out will clear up some of my thoughts.
Two days ago, someone at school died. I hesitate to call it a suicide, as the information has not been published yet, but regardless of the fact it was a loss to our community. I was in class when I heard the announcement and can remember vaguely stumbling through the first two periods numb to the fact. I had not known him well, but we had interacted somewhat and I would play board games with […]
The night before March 15, I was so down to the point that negative thoughts have devoured me. It was painful, to be torn by two sides of which to choose. A part of me—the wounded one—have whispered me to go to the kitchen, took out a knife, and just end it all! The other one was crying, begging for me to stop. In the middle of the night, a potpourri of emotions swirled within me that I was left in a deep turmoil. Maybe that’s why I went to the kitchen and stood in front of the counter where the knives were hidden. I […]
I just wanted to write something.
Let off my thoughts. I grew up without a father and had to learn my place as a male in society. It took me a lot of failures to get anywhere beyond my starting point.
I guess it was easier for me to say I don’t belong, or to let go whenever I didn’t solve my problems
with the time passing, I’ve learned to accept more and more responsibility for my actions and, much more, for my dealing with struggles.
I had few traumatic events along my life, that left me to feel alone, and perhaps alienated from other social beings.
I had […]
Once upon a time…
I had lived experiences.
I had a story in which I wanted to tell.
I had a message that I wished to share.
I had created a posting about that experience here, on this very site, some time ago.
… then, one day…
I had chosen to remove myself (via the form of time/energy) and my postings from this service.
I had stated In my ‘final’ message post (which still lives somewhere within the dust-laden stacks of this site): “I came to share a story and ended up staying a few days longer than expected. I am proud to have encountered each […]
According to this website, it’s been 2 years since I had last written here. Reading my old posts here make me feel some strange type of way. I’m no longer living in the conditions I was, and I’m 19 turning 20 this year and a full-time university student at the university I almost killed myself over. I’m still alive.
I’m not better, but things improve slowly I made friends at university, my social anxiety improved a lot, but it’s not gone and it still cripples me occasionally. But I got help. For a while. I need to get it back again. I […]
I’ve tried to avoid posting for a while now. I’ve been dealing with quite a lot, mentally and physically. I felt that posting would make me feel even worse and paranoid. But here I am again.
2018 was quite slow. There were good things and a lot of painful experiences but I must admit that I wouldn’t have made it without my friends and community. The support they have given me is immense and I can in no way give back enough love to them. For a while I felt guilty, I still do. This feeling comes from the fact that even with all this love, […]
It’s the name of a YouTube series by the channel “Cracked” i randomly found weeks ago. I find myself keep rewatching both seasons on a playlist. It covers topics like dating, depression, death/life, etc. through the eyes of a few random young adults animated. It just makes me feel like i’m not going through some of my issues alone, and i don’t mean that as in theres noone around to help me if I actually asked, but that there are other people with the same mindset as me about certain topics(even pass my depression/suicidal thoughts I’d never actually admit to to anyone I know(including myself)). […]
not every person in your life is meant to stay.
when the newness fades and everything turns gray
and it seems as if everything is going astray,
sometimes you just have to let it go, let it fray.
sometimes you just have to part ways.
it may feel as if this departure is a delay
of your life- like you have wasted your days.
do not think of it that way.
do not think you are nothing, that is a downplay.
new, better people are coming, so make way.
I feel so lost right now: one of my few close friends- a girl- made me feel…………..special. We had just gone to see a marvel movie, and we were in the car, just chatting. I had previously mentioned to her passingly in the last week or so that I thought that I was going to being moving away soon, and she had reacted in a semi-sad, but mostly just bummed out way. But I brought the subject up again in the car, because I wanted to get her opinion on the whole thing. She started tearing up and sad that she’d really miss me. I […]
dislocated self-awareness. declination of the past. dispersion from freedom. unpleasant emersive thoughts. respective immersive social relational trust fond. disability of detachment.
this just keeps me awake what I read. who makes funerals, I would be death inside but I want to express it privately and have trust in coping skills, and issues.
I wished it in a bad prediction for the future to die, and I relapsed from hate to love which is something strong to me. I am unable to remember this, but the development of the relapse took my commiseration which used to consume me out in view of my desire and which had me […]
It’s tough when your going through changes. It seems everyone wants to hold you back. As somebody with social anxiety it can get exhausting when others hate on you for breaking your shell. Many of these people are not even the social ones but rather the other quiet ones. They give me dirty looks that seem to be saying “You’re a loner, don’t even try!”. They may have given up hope but I still haven’t. I know i can overcome i Social anxiety. These days i just embrace all the weird feelings that come along with getting out of my comfort zone. And although I’ve […]