If a plant starts dying due to lack of sunlight, no one blames the plant or tells it to go on walks etc.

That’s what happened to me. I honestly would be fine if I just had a few people I was SUPPOSED to be able to trust actually be there for me. I’ve actually received some good advice on this site but I can’t act on it you could say because I lack the discipline or focus and while sure that’s true the truth is I just shut down because I wasn’t nurtured enough. I’m like a wilted plant that simply doesnt have the strength, […]

There used to be an option where if we post, we can choose to not allow any key words or search words (or something to that effect). While our post would still be visible to the public, it was hard to find our posts in the past.

I want that option. Anyhow know how to do it in the settings?

I am back here again. Been a year+ I was gone from SP. Not that the past year+ was good mind you. Just not enough to push me to come back to SP I guess -_-

And no, it’s never a good thing to be back, to feel so miserable that we run back to the only solace of commiserating with others who feel the same rotting despair and hell we do.

Anyhow, idk if anyone remembers me. For those who do, Hiya! How’s everyone doing? I know, a funny question. If we’re here, it usually means we’re doing terrible.

How’s […]

So here I am at rock bottom again, not a coincidence 1 year ago on this exact day , I thought of trying to kill my self too. So here I am , what do to do. It’s not like I haven’t tried before. I just wish it got me somewhere better than here. I don’t belong here, alive I mean , here with all of you. I’m a mistake that was never supposed to be , but no one understands. All they want is me to continue living for their sake. What about mine?!? It is not selfish to die if you […]

I am 85% sure tonight is the night. My name is Jack and I want my last words to be to my teddy bear, Teddy. Dear teddy, I love u you’re my only true best friend and I know I can tell you all this your sitting on my chest but I want to write this down for people to see because u deserve the world. I’m sorry for leaving u but I’m sure ur soul will follow me wherever I go at least I hope so. For all the 17 years we’ve been together, you’ve never hurt me, made me upset, insulted me. You’re […]

i feel like its just a constant back-and-forth between a life that’s tolerable and one that is absolute misery. i’ve gone this entire day speaking to nobody in-person, just stewing in my own thoughts as i try to get things finished around the house. i’m doing everything right, i’m practicing healthy coping skills and eating better and exercising and i have people in this world to live for but i just want to wipe it all away so i can disappear without it hurting anyone

it’s been this way for years, and i just don’t get the point anymore of enduring this constant psychache. i didn’t […]

another semester has begun and i’m already miserable. i hate all of my classes and my professors so far. i live on campus but i have a hard time making friends in the dorms. it’s my second year and i have no one. i know it’s my fault but i every time i get the chance to make friends my anxiety takes over and i begin to spiral into thinking they hate me. i feel like i can never build a close relationship with anyone anymore.

I know that I’ve missed being here, which is why I found a way even though I’m on my travel laptop and on local wifi. I’m on an 8 day out of state vacation with some of my friends. Really I’ve just come along, but they’re working hard to make me feel like it is my vacation.

The point is, out here, far away from all the things I’ve learned to hate, I feel lighter. I feel closer to being free. Some part is just that opportunities not to be in the state I live in are rare. So having all these different things feels liberating […]

“Accept what you cannot change.”

I definitely can’t change the past. So I have to accept that I’ve done so many unacceptable things.

And pretty much no matter what I do from this point on, I won’t be able to change people’s perceptions of me for doing those unacceptable things. I will always be a terrible person, and I have to accept that. I have to accept that I will always be alone, psychologically isolated from other people. That I will always have to hide the truth about myself in order to just keep existing in the world.

I obviously can’t change how old I am, or all […]

Honestly I don’t think I have much room to talk seeing as everyone is so tired these days, but I really am tired. Worn out. Exhausted.
I wont kill myself though, I can’t. I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with it, but If I were to die I wouldn’t be upset.
Whenever a topic like suicide is brought up, my mother often makes comments or tells me how much of a coward that person is. That it’s not brave. I don’t know if I agree or not. I never have known, I’m too indecisive. Even with small things like […]

Let it go. Go ahead. You don’t deserve what’s happening to you but that doesn’t mean you should stop being nice. You can find joy in spreading it to others, and while some may find it fun to bring you down, it slowly destroys their soul. I don’t have anyone to tell my feelings to. Talk with your consciousness. It’s okay, Trust this struggle is part of the process. And trust that as long as you don’t give up and keep pushing forward, no matter how hopeless things seem… you will make it.

Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that […]

I get attached easily and I hold on to things tightly so please don’t let my mind want things that I can’t handle dont let my mind trick me into wanting things I don’t need or things that are not good for me, please don’t let my heart miss people who don’t miss me. Don’t let my heart long for the ones who left. Don’t let my heart fall in love with someone who doesn’t want to stay.

I know you’re plan is un, known but until you reveal it to me. PLEASE make it easier. Don’t let me hold on to what I need to […]

I never knew how much you mean to me when we first started talking. Until today I still love you as, much as I did since you came and confronted I felt like I was the happiest. I just want to let you know how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate you. You never failed to make me smile, Things aren’t getting better ever since your behavior changed, I miss you so much. Having random breakdowns with you on my mind wondering if you’re doing fine. I’m sorry, I wasn’t what you wanted, I’m sorry, I wasn’t the best, I’m sorry […]

I feel like there will never be another day as bright as I want, one that I want to wake up to. I’m overthinking everything in my life as I have always done, and it’s getting a bit tiring. I’m not feeling enough, I figured out. I’ve never been good at recognising emotions, now I’m really good at avoiding them. I have a lot of distractions. They don’t help me when everything’s over and I have to sleep.

Anyway, what I figured out is, I have no hobbies outside of drugs and alcohol. There’s nothing else that motivates me or can seem to possibly ever in […]

It has been 6 weeks since the last time I self harmed, usually at this stage I would be shaking uncontrollably and digging for a release. But I don’t feel like that, I feel good. The thing that’s different this time is I am no longer in a relationship. It makes me feel so guilty because my ex knew about my self harm and tried to help the best he could but now that he’s gone I’m finally okay. I know why too, he was so jealous and I would isolate myself in attempt to reassure him but it destroyed my friendships and I would […]

never realized how much that word describes me. i’m remembering bits of my childhood that i don’t even know how i forgot. i had no friends. parents would go days without talking to me. i wanted to run away and get away from it all even when i was young. i don’t belong anywhere. i’m just in the way when i’m with people. especially family.

i guess it’s my own fault, like literally everything else at this point. it’s just difficult to even want to keep going when you’re constantly alone or pushed away or never taken seriously. when you feel like a constant burden of […]

I know you’re still following me here and there, even after so many years, and even though you’ve been avoiding any interaction with me. I may pop up in your life sometime.

Recently I’ve accepted and begun to better understand that the road to recovery has ups and downs, but relapses suck. Like, really, really suck.

I was having a terrible day. The worst one I’d had in a while, and that’s saying something. I guess I got overwhelmed with the assignment in front of me so I decided to go to the bathroom and just as I arrived, the old friends I used to do things with practically materialized out of thin air like an awful calling card.

Now, i’m a fairly neutral person. I don’t make very many friends, but I don’t make enemies either. Needless to […]

When I was in school at the age of 14 I caused the following bizarre chain of events to materialize. I could never say why, suicidal thoughts had grabbed me at 14 so that might be the best explanation for my behaviour.

This was circa late 90’s so before the days of instant language translations, effective internet etc. One day without rhyme or reason I decided to write ‘ the green hand gang’ a nonsensical term I had concocted on the spot in various languages except English on school property. I consulted 2 schoolyard chums, fluent in French and Irish respectively about the proper translations. In […]

It’s so hard to force yourself to do things to improve your life, when a large part of you doesn’t want to be alive. It’s a constant “what the fuck am I doing this for?” And the only answer you can tell yourself is: “so things might be marginally less shitty at some unspecified point in the future.” Cool. Or I could just curl up in a ball and try to forget the world exists for a few hours. The end result will be be more or less the same.

I have no motivation, no drive to do anything, no energy.