I keep missing you because im so lonely. Even tho my family and friends try to make me feel happy, im still lonely. Its because its not you and i fall in love deeply in you. I can only holding the doll you give me and your jacket to make me feel calm. Denying the reality, closing my eyes, imagining you still here with me. Its kinda crazy to hear but thats what i can do to calm down myself, to stop this headache, to make me feel sleepy, to make me smile a little bit. Its enough for me to feel this way. Ive […]
Nothing christmasy or cheery.
What’s good for depressed ppl like us to watch?
I’ve been binging on a bunch of escape room movies lol
All I’ve ever wanted was to be “normal” and happy.
I’ve had depression since I was a kid. I’m middle aged now. I’ve lost hope that it’ll ever change. My mind is even worse off now than before -_-
Well, since it’s xmas, I guess this site will be active today O_o
Hello everyone
I am the ghost of Christmas depravity. Don’t worry, you have to fuck up real bad to end up here.
I’ve made myself alone, always. Even when surrounded by people, laughing and smiling. What I’ve done is always there, in the background, separating us. If they only knew…
There’s no way to make it ok, or wipe the slate clean. I have to live with what I am, with the fear and shame of it. I am not safe to be around people – not safe to exist in the same world or breathe the same air.
I deserve worse than this. To be trapped with the knowledge […]
It was brought to my attention that i didn’t give enough detail about my attempt and how I went into my coma. I went through a horrible break-up that lead me to suicide, the guy told my to get ran over by a train on halloween night, the next day i decided that I didn’t deserve to live the rest of my life. I grabbed a bottle of random pills and took them all. I was rushed to the hospital but it was already in my system, they had to pump my stomach and i didn’t wake up till 2 weeks later I was placed […]
In the middle of the first hello and the final goodbye there is the painful words of “I love you”
I feel like if I bleed out someone will finally care that I’m suffocating in my own sadness. I just want to go to sleep and wake up feeling okay, the only person I ever felt something with left me. His words were like knives and killed me with an “I love you” but I was too blind in love to see the lies behind his eyes. All I want to do is lay here, Christmas doesn’t even feel the same. I can’t find the jolly spirt I felt when I was younger, guess thats what happens when you grow up right? I feel like […]
The reason I’m suicidal is because I’m a fictive in a DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) system. Basically, due to an extraordinary amount of childhood trauma, the brain I occupy formed multiple occupants in addition to myself. Being a fictive, specifically, means that my identity is formed based on a character from a fictional source. In other words, I remember being that character – I remember being in another body (and one of a different sex and specie, no less), in another world, surrounded by an entirely different set of friends and family, and so on, and even though I rationally recognize it all as fiction, […]
Sooooo…. covid has not killed me. Doubtful it will. I rarely get sick. I get a mild cold/fever sometimes cuz i am allergic to my own eggs. So when i ovulate my body tries to kill the invaders. Lol.
Anyways, my menstrual cycle messes with my hormones. Hormones mess with my brain chemicals. I get even more depressed. So lucky me! it’s the holidays and now i have that great social anxiety i get when i am going to be with my family for long periods of time. Yay.
And cuz of covid, work has really sucked. I have to work at home. The first couple months […]
It has been awhile since I’ve been able to come onto my favorite website, I attempted and was put into a coma. it was a really rough time and I was able to fight through it. lilsuicideangle007 is back and I’m keeping my same theme, my poems and rants, my stories and I’m just happy to be saying hello again to my identity. I’m back 🙂
It’s the time of year, where many have to sit in a living room with long lost family members together and listen to their BS. You won’t like what judgemental thing they’ve meant to say all year. If it’s about your career or lack of career, LGBTQIA+ related or you’ve picked the wrong partner. And you came to vent here, because it’s your last resort to somehow not lose it right over the cranberry plate. It’s alright, this holiday can be stressful to some, while some really enjoy their time. You don’t have to feel guilty of not finding it a magical time or listen […]
With the whole bipolar and BPD things going on at least the baseline right now is on an uptick. Maybe I can ride out a few months on a high. Some things give out but at least my head is clearer for the moment.
I was just reading through some of the recent posts and wanted to note that when my mind was so dark not long ago, and as hard as it was to focus on what I was reading, this site has helped me endure. I don’t know what it is; it’s not like we’re spitting rainbows at each other or something, but […]
Hi its me, by the time you read this diary, maybe im already leaving this world. Dont grieve too long because im happy now. And i hope you are happy too.
quel dommage means; “what a pity” usually in a snarky way, it seems like I enjoy a fair amount of sayings in French, but don’t have the ambition to learn most of it.
I’m the source of the majority of my own misery, and I know it, and have known it for most of my life. Knowing the location of the problem doesn’t do a thing if there are no available remedies, or if the cure is worse.
I keep getting presented with this sham cure for my dissatisfaction; to become satisfied with things as they are now. Is that really how a match is won? To […]
The title is, what I’ve used as the first line for a ‘matchmaking’ profile on a chat portal. I’ve had 8 matches that day, excitingly hitting everyone up, in expectation of finding fun people to hang around with. Well… Not even that little tool filters out all of those braindead morons.
Some didn’t know what to say at all, I had to pluck it out of their noses and some gave me not only ONE but TWO emojis as replies all the time. It’s cool, that apparently you’re laughing but I didn’t open an open mic show, I wanted an actual nice conversation about anything really. […]
It’s so funny.
I’m better off dead. Maybe it’s true, no one will miss me, and I know that’s such a blanket statement, but it’s true. People around me don’t know me. I know that it’s my fault that they don’t because I push everyone away and never let anyone in. They won’t understand if I did anyway. No one truly knows me, so they won’t miss me because they will miss the part I willingly show them, a mask. I’m so tired, and I know I’m not the only one. I might not have it so bad compared to other people, but I feel […]
I’ve been scared, I got lost within the darkness..the shadows keep me awake.
I know my truth, while you scream that “it was all fake.”
you have to face yourself in the mirror and what evil things you did.
you not only scared me now, but you brought up memories I buried from when I was a fucking KID !
Facing trauma daily because I’m afraid I’m going to be hurt again, then when nighttime hits, I’m left with thoughts of how I just want this life to fucking END. I don’t want to live but I don’t want to […]
Ever go catatonic while staring at a picture of someone you know you’re never going to be able to see again