Three years.

That’s how long I’ve been away from home. Part of me will always remain in NZ – but right here, across the ditch, I’m right where I should be.

As a person, my emotions no longer dictate how I carry myself. Logic is what guides me in all that I do, yet what I feel in the world around me is what helps me stay true to myself. In my line of work there’s a severe shortage of empathy – of people who do give two hoots about those we support and the work that we perform. Rather than end up like the rest of […]

Emptiness

Last week after hurricane Zeta come through Alabama and fucked everything up I was cleaning up the house. As per usual.  Anyway I was taking out the trash to the trash pile to be burnt when I threw away a brown bag on the floor. Anyway later my **** mom storms into my room and asks me if I’ve seen the bag I said I thought it was trash and burned it then she starts yelling at me and slapping me. Then she goes into my room and throws my stuff out the backdoor.  Now my money is gone, the xmas gifts I had are […]

random rant pt2289249

check out my previous post for the backstory. so the girl i was crushing on? i got drunk and confessed to her on 6th october. we’re together now. it’s a long distance relationship and we haven’t met each other yet, but something about this feels right. hope it lasts, wish me luck y’all :”) *fingers crossed*

i’m grateful to have around 9-10 friends that’re really fucking supportive. but on the other hand, i have a toxic, conservative,  religious and an extremely strict family. also i met some people online, they turned out to be toxic af and my energy gets drained every time i’m […]

I have really lost faith in the world. People are just so hateful. I just dont want to be a part of it any more. Yet here I frickin sit. Only one option if I want out.
Why do people feel it is ok to be as cruel and hateful as they want to others.. But I dont want to hurt others by just ending it? WTH
I hate this place and I dont belong here. I have lost faith in all of… well… everything. Except my husband. Hurting him and my adult children would be my ONLY regret.
Damn it. I want out!!!!! I […]

get out of my head…….just make it stop :'(

What that annoying person who left the site wrote came back to me today after I had an encounter with my “friend” with Asperger’s. He went on and on about how “people’s faces change when..” (insert scenario here) and/or “when you kill someone, it’s a burden on your SOUL” etc..

No. I had an encounter with an old drunk guy who kept on insisting my abusive mom loved me and asked if I could forgive her. Bro. Forgiveness ain’t got anything to do with it. You can’t forgive someone who has no remorse and hasn’t changed. And there is no love in fear.

These people, are just too […]

i have to stay away this time……ive ruined everything. i cant fucking do anything right. not even for a guy that forgives everything i do. i still fuck up again and again without fail. ill never get it right. im just going to keep hurting us….but….if im dead i cant message him to fuck shit up again. if im not here and he has nothing to turn back to….he will be free.

please understand i just want it to stop…..and….no matter how empty the words feel at this point…..im still sorry for everything.

i hate me. im worthless. i should have jumped a year ago when i […]

hello everyone, my name is hannah and i am fucking lonely. and id like to tell everyone a little story of how i was reminded by everyone today! i currently reside with my parents, my sister, her husband and their kids. and then theres me and my son. well today at dinner everyone suddenly wanted to go on a date tomorrow. well i guess you can imagine how that went. i just decided to just excuse myself since i will not be going on any dates tomorrow. one of them decided to emphasize this by looking at me and saying, “youre going to be all […]

I am so tired and burned out. The stress is becoming unbearable. I am disappointed in my self. I have nothing to offer and there is nothing that I want. I feel like letting it collapse.

Who else is actually not cruel at all, but wants somebody to feel the pain, that you’re feeling yourself.? Yeah. Me. I bet if people would know, they wouldn’t be so f@cking disgusting towards each other.

My posts here are most often about how hurt I am by the actions of others. Can somebody tell me, how I can start being more ignorant like them and be less affectionate.? I can’t see anything but cruelty. What have I said wrong AGAIN.? Most often, I don’t get an answer. I’ve stopped asking this a while ago and turns out people are fine with that.

Also when […]

Ive been betrayed, abused, mentally fucked, cheated, lied to , spied on, stolen from, robbed of happyness and all my belongings, caged in psych wards, my entire life… But it occured to me, a few years ago… That I too, live in some kind of floating box CIA prison , the same as Terry A Davis claimed he did, and explained… For over 20 years. Even in my youth, people shit on me, talk down to me, betray me. .. fuck me over… The suicide attempts, the depression, the pain i went through, the betrayals…. I never knew I lived in some kind of prison […]