Red and yellow
Red and yellow
Red and yellow
Red and yellow
The colors so warm
The colors of our bodies
Red and yellow
Red and yellow
Red and yellow
The colors so warm
The colors so mellow
My dear fellow
Why so fearful?
I gave up already. That’s what I said. But I can’t help but want to try and talk to her. I haven’t, but the thought is still there. The hardest part about our friendship was that I always felt like she wasn’t telling me the truth 100%. Like when I would ask her “Are you bothered when I call a lot?”, she would always say “No, it doesn’t bother me.”. But I always felt like she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, so she wouldn’t be straight with me. I remember one time asking “Are you annoyed by […]
Ik you’re trying but you gon’ve to try harder. Just keep going and one day you’ll be there. Stop thinking about the past. Forget it and move ahead. Once you reach there, you can reminisce about the past as much as you want. Just have patience and faith in yourself and you’re gonna get through this, alone and alive. You are brave and I love you. And I trust you.
Me at 3:00 am talking in the mirror, with wet eyes. After saying all this to myself, the first thing that is coming to my mind is a picture of my dead body. It’s a picture […]
It sucks to be the weakest link, to be the most stupid human. I’ve been so bad, so stupid at life, I wanna change this. So much suffering I did it’s crazy. Why did I have to let everyone get ahead, I’ve always respected others, I’ve been afraid of other people. I’m 30 years old, still living with my mother and a grandmother, they make my life hard but I also have a problem with other things and people.
I’m fat, I’m over weight and I’m Juliet. Oh Romeo is a fuck boy thats a stoner. He brakes me to piece and i love it. I can’t live without him anymore. Taking 30 pills is not a fantasy yet a reality. Oh Romeo using me poor Juliet for sex. The one thing I can say that is very normal for the very young age of 5 that if he touch you, you can’t say anything so fuck it. Fall for Romeo because he gives you attention. Fuck you Juliet because Romeo hurt you so badly and you went back. Romeo, Romeo where are thou […]
This feeling can stop anytime now. Maybe I will be rescued from myself but that seems like a long shot. I wish for the peace of nothingness without the wake of destruction that follows behind it. How can that be possible?
Anyways, this little Disney treasure has been in my head a few days so thought I might share.
I haven’t been here in a while. Today is tough for some strange illogical and unknown reasons. I’m depressed today but I’m experienced enough to know that not every day will be like this. Just keep breathing and existing.
If only my heart wasn’t my own
If only my heart wasn’t so soft
If only my heart was a sapphire stone
I can walk everyday
Without fear of losing my way
I won’t be afraid of anything going away
I won’t ever scream
I won’t ever suffer
I won’t ever suffocate
From the cigarettes
From the coiling tendrils of the snake
If only my heart was made of stone
HEEEEERE I AM IIIIIM DRRRRRUNK AAAAGAIN!!!! LOL
its the weekend and until tomorrow morning my emotions and stuff can take a hike.
Whenever I find myself uncertain about something I flip a coin. It can be about anything. Should I go ahead and say something, should I go get something to eat, should I study now or later etc.. However I don’t just flip coins to make a decision. I also flip coins when something is out of my control. Will I pass this test, am I going to make it through the week, will I ever hear from her again etc. I don’t really believe in a higher power nor do I not believe in one. I’m indifferent to […]
This morning I went for a dawn walk in local woodland. The sun was rising, glinting through the trees, streams gurgling, birds singing, bluebells everywhere. You couldn’t imagine a more perfect scene. It felt pretty great. While I’m appreciating this, I’m listening to a podcast. And one of the hosts recounts an experience they had once in an animal market. They came across a rabbit that had been skinned. Except it was still alive. Someone had removed it’s skin while it was still conscious, and left it there, twitching.
My initial reaction was shock at the extreme cruelty of this. But beyond that, it provoked what […]
And Anyone else wish we as individuals didn’t need validation?
i never mess with my hair or try anything new
because whenever i do
…
…
…
so its better not to
but then i see you so carefree
i want to be, too
for the time-being, i try a little something new
and when times up, i hide
but sometimes, im too late
and they find out
…
…
Why cant they understand that!? Im not worth it anymore. Im not the same person they loved. Im someone different now. Im not the me that they loved.
Update because thank you radio for reminding me.
Mothers day is coming up. I have 3 mothers yet none. My biomother who is a f*cking c*nt that started all this bs in my life. My stepmother who swears up and down that she loves me but i almost never hear from her and my mother-in-law, which just isnt the same as im sure some of you understand or maybe you all understand idk. Point is i f*cking […]
I saw you post, but couldn’t comment. I remeber you. You’ve been around for a while. I’m sorry you’re hurting.
for the past month i’ve been feeling a lot better i cut 3 weeks ago but besides that nothing super major. but then a wave of depression and suicidal thoughts and thoughts to hurt myself come running in and just don’t leave. so my weak mind gave in and i don’t know what to do anymore. how do i continue to live like this. i hate the ups and downs. i hate this world i hate this life i hate myself. i’ll never get better and i hair have to fucking accept that.
I’ve been suicidal since I was twelve years old, the first time I was hospitalized for an attempt. Maybe it started when I was eleven or ten; it gets fuzzy as the years pass. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I and CPTSD – the double whammy of extreme proportions. I thought that when I stopped doing drugs, started taking medication, started exercising, left my abusive relationship, started my transfer to a prestigious university, etc. etc. a million.. I thought these feelings would leave me. I thought that the traumatic memories, the extremes of mood, I thought that they would all disappear. Here I am, the […]
So here we are in this stupid quarantine. Everyone is whining about how horrible it is to be forced to stay at home. I personally see no difference in my life. I have no friends. My sister is my only family and she hates my guts. I never go out, I never do anything with other people. The only difference is that I am working at home instead of at my “perch” in the office.
The place I work does not actually give people like me a real desk. No. It is just a very small table that is just barely big enough for a laptop […]
This sounds so stupid but a couple of weeks ago, I was bitten by a dog and it’s really affecting me. Quarantine has been hard for me because it has exacerbated my feelings of loneliness and compulsions to self-harm and my one comfort was taking time for myself to go for walks. Ever since the dog bite, however, I jump at every little thing when I go for a walk and can’t relax. I can barely go for walks. I have to massively avoid areas where I think I’ll encounter dogs. I sit outside and jump when I hear a dog barking. I used to […]
Just passing the time.