by literally everything. but let me explain my reality differently. i am stuck between life and death. melting. the place i find myself in is evil, and against me. but i created this for myself.. am i still in control? i can feel the friction as these walls slowly crush me. i am afraid of myself. have i really sold my soul?
I want to die. I’m not depressed, mentally destressed, stressed in general, etcetera I’m general an average person. But. I just don’t like existing. I’d rather not. It’s my opinion, like apples to oranges. I like apples more than oranges. I’d like to die more than I’d like to live. I don’t hate my life (other than the simple fact of being alive), I don’t hate myself, people don’t hate me, for the most part, I mean you can’t be friends with anyone, y’know. I’ve been depressed, but when I’m depressed I’m not suicidal. I mostly just want attention and comfort, someone to talk to […]
It’s inevitable now, I’m going to drink antifreeze, about 5oz of it like 200ml, it just sucks it’s so bitter or I think I’d be able to down more, I know “no methods” but I wonder what mixer would make it more bearable. Then immediately after down a bunch of hydroxyzine, Xanax, klonopin (since glycol takes almost up to 3 days to be fatal I wanted to be out for the first half) Whatever I wake up to (I hope not a hospital) the “what if” urge I’ve been having for the last three months will be gone, I’ve never tried this much poisoning. I’m […]
i told him i was painting so i couldnt answer. i lied. i was going to hangout with my cousin and try a new drug. my cousin got into a car accident and we ended up not doing it. hes fine no one was even scratched. but it happened. i told him i wouldnt throw anything. that i would calm down. i ended up throwing something then cutting myself deeper then i think ive ever cut before. everything is getting worse. my drinking. my drug use. im sneaking behind peoples backs. i never lied to my friend before and not it seems thats all i […]
Is it just me or whenever you try to be transparent about what you’re feeling to someone it always ends up being about them like
“I feel like shit” and they be like “Sorry I’m useless”
“I want to die” and they be like “It’s upsetting me, stop”
Lol.
So in the end you just have to say sorry
Apologize for trying to be real with your feelings
Apologize for not being considerate enough to think about them
Fucking crabs
I end up here a lot. In this place where my mind races and then slows and either way I feel like I’m not breathing already.
The story of the stars fascinate me. That their light shines on for so long after they themselves have died out. And I’m only wondering if that is because I feel like that too.
My life has had so many tragic lows mixed with all sorts of positive highs. This true explosion of light. Some days I feel the contentment and peace that comes with being surrounded by the blues and purples of the galaxy. Others I think I might explode […]
Hello
Im going to kill myself tonight. Currently, its almost 4 pm. When everyone is asleep tonight, I plan on grabbing Tylenol and overdosing. Hopefully nobody will be awake to take me to the hospital. Im scared of the outcome. Im not anxious, im not afraid of what Ill see/what’ll happen to me. Im scared of what my friends and family will do. Im scared my ex will just laugh it off. Im scared that i wont be able to see the love of my life’s face.. will he continue dating his new girlfriend? am i doing this just to get him back? do i really want to […]
I hate my mother for leaving me. i got molested when i was a kid because of her.
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Trang web https://sv388-games.com không ch? là m?t n?n t?ng game ??n thu?n mà còn […]
An open letter.
I miss you.
I know you probably won’t see this. I know we’re over. I know there’s no more pieces left for me to pick up. I never got to say these words but here I’am now.
This is for you. This is for the unsaid feelings that I’ve left behind along with the memory of you.
You don’t deserve someone who breaks your heart every now and then. I could’ve been better. We could’ve been more. We could’ve. But we chose not to. I’ve had my reasons and you’ve had yours. I’m sorry. For the times that things were […]
half of me fights with everything it has to destroy me. it drinks. and does drugs. it lets my disorders eat me alive.
half of me fights with everything it has to get better. to stop drinking. to stop smoking up. to heal my disorders.
i wonder who will win in the end
..cause to be a “winner” implies causing another to become a “loser”. I don’t want to create any losers. It’s a hard piece of real estate to take up in this world.
im hanging out with my cousin tomorrow. this is the first time ive ever hung out with him. i was too young before and then we stopped talking for a while. im going to be trying shatter for the first time. not only that but he sent me a couple messages im not sure what to think about. hes not actually my cousin. we were both married into the family through our mothers but still. im a little bit worried about going tomorrow. being alone. my husband having no idea what im doing. what if my gut is right and its a bad idea. i […]
so much has changed, yet so much has not changed. i thought i had made strides in life, setting goals and finally trying to move forward and embrace a future where i live, but i was wrong. i am still so weak and in so much pain, even with the professional help i’ve obtained. i still wish to die. i do not think i will ever be good enough to exist in this world. i certainly will never be able to stand on my own two feet. i am still a colossal disappointment to my loved ones. i am a burden and a waste of […]
I’ve been considering ending it all. The first girl I ever opened myself to has left me. She helped me through abuse and sexual assault. I’m a male and never talked about it to anyone. To keep her I broke my family and my relationship with them. I had three mentors, all in February took their lives one after another. My girl left me on Christmas eve, right after I came home from MEPS to join the army. I passed but now I wished I didn’t. It’s difficult when shaving to not just slice my neck. I shave with a straight razor. I may stop […]
I’ve been thinking about sitting in the garage with my car on. Buying melatonin and falling asleep to never wake up again. I feel like it would be a peaceful way to die.
Thoughts of suicide have always consumed my mind. I realized life is not for me at a young age. Nothing makes me happy. Nothing in this world is good enough to make me want to stay. I can’t relate to other people. I don’t understand how people can be happy or motivated or excited. I only feel anger and depression.
I’m sorry, but this is not a sad post. Instead, I wanted to share with you an update. A long time ago I discovered this website through some random google searches. I typed in “suicide” and just kept surfing the web, I landed on this page. I remembered leaving a post here about how sad, empty, and lonely my life is, and wish I wasn’t here.
Long story short, here I am, 10 years later, still alive, but instead, very happy. I have a very successful career, a very loving husband, an adorable son, and I am happy. I didn’t give up. And so shouldn’t you. […]
whens it needed?
currently im not high or drunk but once i decided i want it i get it. ive tried to not but i want it so fucking bad. to just leave this world temporarily. ive gone as far as hiding it from my husband so he doesnt know.
ill be honest im not even sure why im posting this. i wont go until im forced to. but others opinion on when it becomes an addiction is nice i guess
speaking of which i need more. i only have a shot of whiskey left which im about to drink thankfully tomorrows payday