i’ve never been so angry… i was the one bringing her down.. until i started to really care. i wanted things to work like she wanted them. i realized that i really love her. and then this fucking bullshit happen.. we fought. we broke up. i was sad that she was gone, but still she was scared of me. then i find out she fucked him.. and it devastates me.. i’ve never been so messed up in the mind. idk what to think. my heart is gone, my feelings with it. only two stay behind. to make things worse.. anger consumes me. i get so fucking mad […]

I can’t remember the las time I hadn’t cried myself to sleep. I feel pain, a painful deep stab in my heart. I don’t understand why. I wish we had suicide help lines here. I even tried calling one of the help lines at the US, but they hung up when I said I wasn’t from there. I really don’t know what to do. The only thing stopping me from doing anything is my family. My family is very important to me, I love them very much. They haven’t done anything to deserve the pain that would result from me killing myself. I’m a disappointment […]

Why would God allow people to suffer so much without any glimmer of hope? It seems cruel.

what is wrong with me??

I’d like to make it all stop, even though i know its not the right thing. I wouldn’t have to guts to do it, i wouldn’t be that stupid becuase i know it’s not the right thing for me. There is so much more out there. But i dont feel like going on with what i’m doing in my life. I at some point want to die, and want to disappear. I don’t give a shit about many of the people who seems to care for me, and i’m so tired of it all. I wanna go, but i dont want the action to take […]

At the age of 19, in November of 2008, I hung myself and lived.  There are wooden dowels caddy-cornered in my room.  I tied a towel around one and put my head through until I passed out.  When I woke up, my head was still hung in such a way that I shouldn’t have.

I was involuntarily baker-acted.  For about a year I was on Lexapro.  Now, I’m on a drug called Pristiq.  I take vitamin B12 on top of that.

Still, I am seeing a psychiatrist.  It doesn’t help.  I have nightmares every single night and no one really cares about them, but to me they feel […]

My life hasn’t ever been easy, but nor has anyones really. When I was really young, my drug addicted mother attempted to sell me for heroine. My Great Grandmother found me and then took to raising me untill she died when I was eleven. She was the closest thing to a mother I’ve ever had and at the time I took to self destructive behavour. I moved in with my father, who I never really had a connection with and didn’t trust. It just got worse. He also used to abuse me, and that didn’t help my own mental health at all.

Eventually, he stopped when […]

  

Most 13 and 14 year olds would be asleep by now, or at least sneaking around having fun. But not me. I’m awake, and dancing with the devil.
I know staying up all night gain won’t make the bags under my eyes any better than dreaming. Trying is pointless anyway, it will always end the same.
My dreams are never actual dreams, only inescapable nightmares. Just another form of torture God decided that I deserved. The big problem with the dreams, is that they are actually my worst memories made even more gory and traumatizing by my overactive imgination. These dreams are the elite of […]

So i got a new boyfriend and i love him alot. I kissed him good luck as he got ready for his band preformance im just scared that the girl i got in a fight will ruin it because i wont be her friend anymore. Since i blocked her from everything. But she was littarly killing me with every punch i took every time i got beat up and everything she said just got me closer to the feeling of death i just want to be happy to make a recovery from my depression i just dont think this girl is gonna let me do […]

I never thought I would want to remember this year.

So many bad things have happened to me this year that I just don’t want too ever look back on; my suicide attempt, my lack of firends, my parents divorce, my dog dying, people at school treating me like a complete freak, and now my best friend Drake is graduating and leaving me in the dust that still remains in high school.

But you know what, I want to remember, because of him.

Drake and I haven’t been friends for very long, but it feels like I’ve known him forever. We have done everything together this school year, […]

A recent post has been made concerning the song ‘Gloomy Sunday’; a song originally by a Hungarian composer which has been covered many times by various artists and has been linked to numerous suicides.

I realise completely that my last few posts have been largely music-related; whether they be comments or posts themselves, and I fear this shall be no different. But recently the desire to die has subsided somewhat, and has been replaced by simple contemplation of death. My scheduled death date still exists within the pages of my diary, but I currently feel little desire to commit suicide at this very moment in time; […]

The moment I met you,

it didn’t take much.

We fell in love,

now my heart you clutch.

In your beautiful hand,

on your beautiful arm.

You shied away,

I turned on my charm.

A little blue pill with molly and glass

put our relationship on turbo,

we were going fast.

I ran from home,

left all that I knew.

To be with my love.

To be with you.

I sit here alone,

wishing and wanting

you to be by my side.

This feeling is haunting

my thoughts day and night.

I lie awake hoping

the words you said were true,

we will soon be eloping.

I pray while I’m here,

your feelings don’t alter.

Last night I had a dream

of you at the alter.

Before I finish this poem,

I want you to […]

Not from a suicide attempt- from a slight accident, staining the carpet of my rented accomodation, which, upon moving out of in a matter of weeks, they will charge me for.

Any suggestions?

I’m quite aware of the fact that I’m more then one person, somewhere inside of me there is someone else, or something else controlling me.

I call this the monster.

It has always been there, threatening to gnaw my stomach to shreds whenever I would feed it, making me feel like less and less of a person, every day i thought I was just going to fade into oblivion, never to even have existed in the first place.

When I was a child I used to play be afraid that that a monster was going to come out from under my bed and snatch me. Too bad I […]

Well, i felt the need to tell you people about myself a little because ive only been posting my stories. so here it goes:

im a male. First found out i was suicidal at the age of 14. looked up more about it later on and found out i suffer from major depression and suicidal thoughts. ever since 14 its been a steady decline in my positive mo0d and happiness. i now am 16 and very depressed and extreamly suicidal. i know im going to commit suicide. there is no doubt about that. the only question is to either do it at 16 or 17. lately […]

Gloomy Sunday is a song 50 years ago that drove hundreds of people into suicide without apparent cause.
The original song, Hungarian version, is only a song made up of monotonous and repeatedly notes, just a depressing song born in the Great Depression. Melody that rises to the top and down abruptly.
Actually not a well-made song and plainly crude. The scariest part is only the photo of the dead composer, suicide in 1968.

Here a refined and beautified piece by Heather Nova I’d like to share.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2fGWQKbX68
with movie and mtv extract

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkjuuGlcG7M
pure for better sound quality

How one can turn the odds, even a […]

You stood there and said nothing,

when i asked why you just smiled

i cried…

you laughed and walked away

i just stood there and stared.

i remembered then..

this is your hell.

you can make my life hell

taunt me, tease me,

hurt me…i cant stop you.

everyones says your different but

no one knows you till they have given there life to you

then they see the truth behind the smile,

the stories you spin.

and now they cant back out.

you might be dead but

you walk amoung us.. not letting us forget

this is your world

your hell

and we cant control what happen.

You play a game, a game i know so well

so many have lost,

they dont know how lucky […]

I think I’m here hoping that venting out some of my feelings might help me make it through. Maybe make me feel better. I won’t say happy just better.

I’m 37 years old and I’m a screw up. I’m finally the end of  horrible 10 year marriage, with a mentally ill person.

In the past few weeks I’ve seem to have lost just about everything.  The worst being the most perfect person I’ve ever met. She made me feel happy and content in ways I can’t explain, and I thought it was the same for her. Our only problem was distance. And in truth me, I screwed up […]

Do you think a second before committing suicide, the person regrets it and doesn’t want to go through with it anymore..but it’s too late?

The first time I had suicidal thoughts was when I was 8 years old.  At the same time I lost all faith in God that I may have had.  I knew something was wrong, but being so young I didn’t know exactly what it was.  In those days child abuse wasn’t talked about and I never said anything.  It was my brother that protected me and kept me safe.  I hung in there.  3 years later:  my parents “Legally” disowned my brother and sent him to a foster home.  My whole world was shattered.  I had a mental breakdown, or my bi-polar disorder kicked into high gear…   […]