I cant sleep
My head hurts
Today
Again…
A set of people overwhelmed by accumulated frustation, living in a collective suffering, not in an empathetic way, but in the form of mutual agression, that often assumes subtle and disguised features.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
My life is so silent. After I gave up school by mental disorder, It’s been 4 months. I was great at school. I studied really hard so i could be in the fourth entire school. but i should keep myself in gloomy mood,i literally attacked myself.
Anyway, i tolerated it and was almost ok until 5 months ago.
I couldn’t endure anymore at the school. At the new school, I was maybe Not just a depression, with actual mentally broken symptoms sort of seizures..
So im 17 years old i cannost see any expectations of my life. Can i go through the BLACKFUTURE? Im totally broken. I dont […]
Does anyone here also feel that life is boring? Because life is not like in the movies, games, comic books, novels, anime / manga, basically real life / real world / reality is not like fantasy & imagination?
I mostly really enjoy life with my boyfriend but it will inevitably only be temporary (we are in an LDR)… as in, we can only see each other in real life temporarily…
He’s rather intense and overwhelming. He’s very affectionate towards me… as I am with him. But I don’t want to sugar coat it. He already broke up with me once before…
The only Asian (I’m part white too) that he is actually close with is me. His other friends are pretty much a similar racial background to him, even if my boyfriend is more mixed. He told me about a girlfriend of one of his […]
I miss you. I hope you are doing alright. I can’t say the same for myself. I’m lonely. I’m hurting. And I don’t have anyone who actually matters that can relate and understand. It’s better if they don’t understand. No one knows how to deal with me at all, let alone well, but myself. And I don’t want it coming from me… that isn’t… So I don’t let them. I won’t ever put them in the position to help me, to see it all. I am not strong enough to handle the damage and neither are they. They will get hurt. Badly… I know I’m […]
So for the last 7 years ive been slowly withdrawing from everyone and everything. Legit have 0 friends. Havent gone out. Havent done anything. Psychosis has really done a number on me. The voices became just painful perspective on life that has pretty much destroyed all my social skills. I’m mostly fragments of what I think will keep the illusion of peace together. Lost all will power to attempt to control anything in my life. I barely eat. I stopped gyming. Falling away everyday. Still (hopelessly) desiring a better life for what reason i dont know cause i cant even imagine it.
Final blows came in […]
..is to abandon delusion. It’s probably ok. We just don’t know what’s next. No frame of reference for what may exist outside one’s life, mainly driven and maintained by delusion. Not trying to sound dour, on the contrary..Maybe there’s some kind of bravery, there in the willingness to examine hard, those delusions, which keep pretty much every human being going
When people ask me about, I say that I don’t really remember.
And yes, that is partly true.
A lot of it is blurred
Because of the intensity of the trauma.
But there are some things I remember,
Things I wish I could forget.
I remember people always walking behind me,
Making sure I wouldn’t run.
I remember being forced to strip naked,
So that they could analyze every scar,
And check to see that I didn’t have anything that could give me more.
I remember everyone’s eyes.
They were all different colors and shapes
Yet somehow all looked the same.
I remember the lines,
For somebody who loves to think deeply about things, I’m incredibly superficial. On some level the attractiveness of others is all that really has meaning to me. Craving for beauty makes up a vast part of my subconscious.
It’s not that I don’t value personality, or intelligence, or kindness. But it’s always secondary to how I view others. Someone who is visually appealing but stupid or cruel is to be desired or envied in my mind, whereas someone who is strong, wise, compassionate, or entertaining is nevertheless pitiable if they’re plain looking.
Of course, we’re visual creatures, but I think this is a particular pathology of my […]
i really really kinda wanna not be alive right now… i don’t mind dying… for once I don’t mind even killing myself
it’s about time anyways
This world shouldn’t even exist
I joined a single moms online group in hopes someone would understand, but they all said, “it’ll get better, I went through it and so can you.” No shit I am. No one has any idea the pain, struggle, and sadness anyone else feels. I’m envious of people who have best friends, some one who even through your complaints and speaking from your pain will see your real spark and encourage your growth through it. Its all so sickening to me to watch the world go by while I struggle to make it every day taking shitty spiritually sucking hard labor jobs to keep my […]
Why not try stronger drugs? I can get them if i want. Why not sell them? A few bucks would be nice. Why not sleep with a bunch of people? It could be fun. Why not…? We’re all gonna die anyway. Every single human. Either by our own hand, naturally, an accident or by another human (i put animal under naturally becuase its a hunger thing where human is because they hate you or an accident). Why not? Why does it all matter? Who cares what others think? On day we’re all going to be gone. And no ones going to care.
(I know i typically […]
I wanted to be happy, so I wasted money…. The thing was lost before I could even enjoy the thing…. It was a consumable thing, but it fell and that’s $10 gone, with no value to be gained…. I now feel worse than I was feeling earlier today, which wouldn’t even let me sleep, this could have helped instead it hurt. I cut again because of it, I can’t have sharp things, but I need these hobby knives because they are another thing that I’ve tried to help me feel better…. and I guess they did help me just not in the intended way. It’s […]
i have a condition in which i compulsively pick my skin. ugly brown scars are everywhere in my body. on my shoulders, thighs, belly, butt, on my back, on my neck… everywhere. i’m in shape (just been a tiny bit fat in summer lately, which i know i can fix quickly) and i’m not that ugly, but the skin of my body is awful. whenever i see some girl wearing tops or even t-shirts and have normal skin, i get this very bad feeling in my stomach and a voice goes in my head: “if only others knew you’re such a freak that doesn’t have […]
If people got along there would be heaven on earth
I don’t know where to post this, so I decided general was my best bet. Sorry if its wrong 🙁
Hello, first I would like to say a few things about myself :
I am a 15 year old female from the United States. I was diagnosed with some basic stuff like Depression, a psychotic disorder, general anxiety (Doesn’t everyone pretty much have that?) and ptsd (Which I don’t really agree with. At the time I had a psychiatrist with a degree from the Caribbean who was only practicing for 2 years and I don’t think I have it or I have a very mild case of […]
I feel like every day is the same. Every task feels the same. Whether it’s work or friends or gaming it all feels… well, the same. Except the self destructive things. Because wallowing in my despair is better than what I normally feel (I don’t even know how that is possible), and over eating distracts me from the sameness. I haven’t self harmed in years but it’s been on my mind a lot recently, and I feel like I might break that promise to myself again. I just want the sameness to end, the emptyness to end. The pain to end. I don’t […]