Let me start off by saying I’m not new on this forum and that I have been suffering for a while now and I can’t take it anymore. I’m almost 17 years old and I have been fighting severe depression for several years now. This will be my last year of being in high school and I don’t even know if i’m going to graduate on stage with my class. I’m to stupid to even pass some of my classes as my anxiety and depression kicks in and I can’t focus or concentrate in any of my classes. There is this one test that my […]
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fake
I feel like a half person. I feel totally incomplete and fake. I am living life, waiting for the next day, waiting for happiness. I feel so fake. I am at a job that hasnt really started yet, all we’re doing is training. And i feel like everyone there feels things, has energy. I want that. And im in a relationship where i feel selfish because im not sure i actually want him, i think maybe i just want a person to listen to me or to talk to. Im in love with my buddy who i hook up with sometimes and who loves me […]
I like to write so I wrote a fake verse to Stan by Eminem. It’s stupid, I know but it’s way to release how I feel because I have no one to talk too.
by Dusty96
written by Dusty96
As I wake up in the morning, I see the world that I’m in.
And how I’m not the carefree Jeremy that I used to have been.
I hate seeing life sober that’s why I take these hallucinogens.
As I put the knife to the skin I’m beginning to grin.
And my patience with this life has become paper thin.
I feel like I’m broken like poor little nemo’s fin.
Now the gun’s to my temple and im counting down from ten.
They make me feel better émotions-wise but it’s fake, it’s all fake feelings made by some white fucking pill; escitalopram. It doesn’t stopy my suicidal thoughts either, they’re not based on emotion. I don’t want them gone though, they comfort me in times of need. I want to explode. I will explode. I’m fucked.
For the first time in a while, I was smiling. It wasn’t fake. I was okay. I had found some form of peace. Then I made one crucial mistake. I went to see my father. Of course. I couldn’t just leave well enough alone, could I? Now I’m right back where I started. Like all of the progress I’ve worked so hard to make has shattered in front of me. It was only a matter of time, but damn.. So soon?
Fuck it.
I have drugs and alcohol. They’re like my fake friends. They are something that will never judge me, order me around, harass me. They are fake stimulation for this fake fucking world. Give me my beer and xanax and leave me the fuck alone.
I am 39 years old today. I always hoped and prayed i would never get this far, that something would happen or I would have the courage to end it. I never did. With each passing year more and more hope just dissipated that i would find someone and i am pretty sure that i am empty of what little hope there was. That really sucks because i still dont have the courage to end it.
So here i am, a shell of a human being, trying to fake being a person. There is just nothing left of me but genuine dispair. That is getting to […]
It all started with an urge to play the ouija board.So three days ago I started reading stories about playing with the board & that’s when It started.It started off with a scary dream but that’s It till today.I was smoking some fake weed & then I started choking on my tongue piercing.This happens often but this time It felt different.An hour later me & my friend are driving & smoking.Suddenly I started to trip out.I promise you Its not cause of the fake weed.It felt like someone,something was trying to possess me.Its like I was there but then It felt like I left my […]
I’m keeping all these feelings locked up inside of me, and they are beginning to eat at my soul, inside I feel like my heart has turned into a black hole sucking every ounce of happiness I can manage to obtain. The smile I wear each day is as fake as each person that says they care for me. I’m looking to obtain eternal happiness, and the only way it seems like I’m going to get it is in death. Because in life you can’t depend on anyone else but yourself, but what happens when even you give up on yourself.?
I hate living here. When my aunt’s family comes over to stay for a few days I swear she becomes so fake. She only talks to me when she wants me to do something or when I say something they stop to listen and then carry on with their conversations like I don’t even exist. I fucking hate that. She is so fucking fake when people come over. I can’t deal. It makes me feel like shit. Well, it’s not like she cares. Either way no one does. What’s the point of giving a crap about people when they don’t give a shit about you. […]
I don’t know if I can handle this anymore… I’m tired of the way I’m living right now; I have so much on my chest right now, I want to let it all out.
when I was 5, I went to a Christmas Eve party at my cousins house. I was very bored so my mother told me to go find my brother that was with my cousin in his room. so I went over there and they were playing video games. I felt sleepy so I decided to go on the bed to rest. As I was laying down, I didn’t realized what my cousin would try […]
I cant sleep. I feel more alive in my dreams then i do in real life. When i wake up i sit and cry before putting on a fake smile and going to school. Im a pretty shy kid, i guess you could call me a nerd. got good grades but there not the best and i spend most of my time reading blocking out the real world. Anyways, back to the sleeping problem. I fall asleep around 12 at night and the problem is i cant stay asleep. i dream, wake up and cry, and go back to sleep. most of my nights are […]
I wonder how far in desperation I’ve fallen to resort to this online community to vent my feelings.
I’ve looked up many ways to cope with depression and anxiety, but everything just sounds so fake and cliche..
Things like “don’t give up hope”, “relax your mind”, etc.. Am I the only one who thinks this way?
I can never take advice like this.. it’s sooooooo cliche and shows no compassion whatsoever.. well what do I expect.. I was just one WebMD for this shit.
How do I even cope with this misery? And why can I never like myself and forgive myself?…
I’m just to tired to go on. I’ve been fighting depression for about 5 years now, and seen tons of shrinks and been on every kind of anti-depressant
there is…and nothing has worked. Hell has be to better than this. It’s hard being alone with these dark thoughts, but even harder to be around
people and have to fake it. I actually get angry now when I hear people say that there is help out there, bullshit! If I could even see a tiny tiny glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel, I might have some hope, but nothing but blackness for five long years […]
But even if they understood, it wouldn’t make a difference. The damage is done.
They want to know what’s wrong. When I tell them, they don’t get it.
They offer concern, but it is really just curiosity and discomfort. I don’t know how to fake it.
Hey, I don’t care what you’ve done, what you’ve failed, or why you browse this website. I don’t know why you’re hurting, why you’re hollow, why you’re crumbling, why you’re going to snap out of this fake world.
Have a good day. Haha, that’s an empty phrase. I know a lot of you aren’t having good days. A lot of you can’t remember what a good day exactly is. World’s in grey-scale, numb, dull ache.
You people are wonderful and strong. I’ll probably never meet you guys, but I wish you the best. Love from a random troubled stranger on a random computer in a random world.
Yay, end of […]
If i put on a fake smile and pull down my sleeves, they wont know and they wont get mad at me… they still dont know what happened that day… or the other days… im ashamed and scared to tell them the whole story…
We are all doomed to die sooner rather than later, why not just end it now? Seems to save the hassle of spending every day feeling nothing but loathing yourself. Saves the daily heartbreak of knowing no one could ever love you. With the pull of a trigger or a step off a building it could all end. Yet for some reason I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m that much of a coward. And its not the pain that scares me, its surviving. What could be worse than surviving such a traumatic event? The possibility of actually being able to see your family […]
I don’t have the faith, nor self esteem. But the ability to try, the potential. I can, but i feel mentally weak and doubt myself. What is it that pulls me down every time? maybe its the opposite of what pushes me up every time; you know tao and all that. Perhaps the question is not how to move up but how to keep stable. It’s the attraction in degradation that pulls me down. I need to avoid/prevent that while remaining true with myself.
I need to be above things. i need to distinguish between what is utility and what is me. I have experienced such states when […]
Funny how everyone in this world even the ones you think are “close” to you can never read the fake smile… Funny how everyone thinks everything is peachy when really it’s all a living hell!!