I always feel as if my chest is empty.
So I’ve decided that since I’ll never fill it, I shall make the rest of me feel empty.
Tag:
feel
So a few months ago I left university for the day, half way through, because I couldn’t take the overwhelming nervous feelings of being with my classmates, and lecturers, who are the type of people that make you feel on edge, never good enough. Leaving my coat, bag and items sprawled out across the desk to look as if I was just leaving for lunch, I escaped and walked home as fast as I could, heavily breathing because of the stress of the day.
I don’t know what it was, maybe the fact that my lecturer is quite harsh and makes me feel my work is […]
A psychiatrist was pacing side to side in the room while giving a conference on dealing with stress.
When she suddenly raised a glass of water, everyone thought she was going to ask if the glass was half full or half empty.
Nevertheless, she asked instead with a smile:
“How heavy is this glass of water?”
The answers varied. From 100 grams to 500 grams.
She replied:
“Its absolute weight in fact is of no importance whatsoever.”
“It simply depends on how long I hold the glass for. If I hold it for a minute, there is not a problem at all.
If I hold it for one hour, my arm […]
No matter how much sleep im always tired, i constantly feel very very sad, its visable on my face, i dont see the point of going to work, i hate waking, i hate sleeping it seems like thats all i ever do, food has very little appeal anymore, i feel invisble, i dont want to end my life but I dont want to feel like this anymore, i derserve to be happy i never did anything to anyone to have my life turn out like this, ending my life is a relaxing thought but then im overcome by the feeling of jealousy and envy, of […]
Title says all. I’m becoming an idiot… My minds always in a blur to the point of forgetting. I’ve forgotten words, memories and plenty of other things like how to communicate with others. When I try to act smart I always turn out dumb, my friends make sure of it. They make me feel as though I’m an embarrassment. A shame. Not to long ago I had a hard time understanding the tv show I was watching. It took me a whole 10 seconds to process what they had said as well as what was going on. I don’t know what’s going on with me. […]
Don’t cry or feel too bad. Not all martyrs see divinity.But at least you tried.
written by retrospectivesuicidalepiphany
I’m gonna clean the house.
I’m gonna fix that fence.
In my final hours,
I’m gonna tie up these loose ends.
I won’t leave a note
For anyone to find.
Cause tomorrow they’ll know
Just what I’ve done tonight.
I have a good bottle of whiskey next to me. A glass to pour into. A pack of Marlboro reds. Listening to the sound of silence creep behind me. I remember calmly, the sidearm I was issued. I remember the one I purchased.
The chair is a blatant discomfort to my body. The air around me is becoming harder to feel in my lungs. The decadent ways of the reaper appeal to me. Swift. Sure. Calculated. An indifference rises in my mind, but I am quick to cast it. I can’t live like this anymore.
So familiar and overwhelmingly warm.
Spiral out
Well I still hate this monday. From the moment I awoke I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
The feeling of constant pressure on my chest has lifted somewhat but the feeling of tightness in my throat is still there. Much like choking. Only cried once more before days end. this day reminded me of a song by fear factory called dog day sunrise. ( not the movie.. dog day afternoon). Not sure why, just kept thinking it over and over.
I worry that its sick that it makes me feel better when I realise other people here feel like […]
I’m not doing well tonight. Got in a fight with my boyfriend. It wasn’t a huge fight or anything but it just left me feeling so bad. We had a nice dinner planned. Well, he did. Then one little thing I didn’t do set him off and now he’s sleeping but he made himself something to eat. It’s absolutely stupid really. He was mad because didn’t have a beer for him when he got home from work. Nevermind the fact I was on my way back from the store when he happened to get home an hour early. No use explaining. I really didn’t feel […]
Last night my husband and I fought again over something trivial since I can’t remember what it was. He had to go work with his parents today since I’m not providing anymore. He said I’m forcing him and I should feel bad for him. He’s doing landscaping and I know it’s a hard job and I do feel bed for him. But back to last night, I took my pups out and stayed downstairs for a while. When I came up he got pissed at me saying “you know I can’t sleep alone and I have an important day tomorrow but I guess I should […]
I don’t know why I keep trusting people. I just feel like people don’t care. I told a ‘friend’ of mine what was going on with me and he was going through the same thing and I thought that this time its gonna be different. I didn’t even feel awkward or angry about people invading my private and emotional side. I really don’t know why I expected something different this time. No one really cares and I think he’s just like the rest of the people. Just hangs around you when he wants and leaves you hanging when you thought you were friends.
I was smart […]
Hey everyone, new and old SP members. I know its hard for you guys right now. But do me a favor and keep fighting. Im fighting too.
I’ve recently been into reading much more than I usually am. There’s this author, Paulo Coelho who seems to understand everything its crazy and be able to express exactly what i think and feel in his work. I don’t know what your situations are, but I really want you guys to consider no read these books. Im not saying they will change your life immediately. but they will definitely have you thinking, and acknowledging and growing.
I know a lot […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I think I have the flu. Last night at work which was a horrible night in itself I started to feel weak tired headachy and sore. Kept having to sit down. Felt like I was burning up, later on found a thermometer and at 100.7 I definitely confirmed my suspicions. My mood took a hard crash in the meanwhile, feeling overly hopeless. I slept on and off for most of the past day, about to go back to sleep again. I am too tired to feel much of anything right now. I’ve only been awake because the animals gotta eat and I finally felt hungry […]
Here’s my suicide story
Last year was the most difficult and sad time of my entire life not only for me but for my family and friends. Having struggled for many months with severe depression and for many years with self injury, I decided to try and take my own life and overdosed on my antidepressants. I just wanted a relief from the pain I had to deal with on a day to day basis that consumed every aspect of my life. I had never felt so desperate in my entire life. 2015 would be the start of a series of suicide attempts and hospital admissions […]
so I don’t know but I think I’m going insane.
I can’t sleep well at night; I have terrors and wake up tired.
And today I got and F on my test; which is so so weird because I studied hard and when I took it I felt really good about it. I thought I aced it.
And on top of that my ex is sending me horrible emails. ( I’ve been not responding because I just don’t want him in my life). He’s saying horrible mean things to me. Which is really random and just plain mean. Idk why he’s doing that.
I don’t […]
I’m 32, I failed at life. I suffer from PTSD because of sexual abuse during my childhood. I’m seeing a therapist, I’ve had lots of therapy in the past and I just can’t seem to get myself together. I hate it, I feel lonely. I know I don’t want to die but this is not living either. Ptsd symptoms started showing about 10 years ago when I fell in love, we broke up 1,5 years ago. I just felt like I was getting worse and worse. It’s hard to come by financially and I’m just tired of fighting of feeling like this . I’m done […]
Recently, I’ve began to feel entirely empty.
Even the one thing that I once loved to do and helped me not feel like a freak… I don’t feel different when doing said thing.
I’ve felt that I should die even more intensely, even to the point where from my last suicide attempt, I barely felt anything. Just vast emptiness.
I’ve also experienced even more self-hate for my body. I don’t like seeing my own face anymore. I’m beginning to not even like my own hair, the only thing that I was actually proud of about my body.
Well, I guess I shall end this post.
can someone help me? if you come across this post, please read the whole thing. i feel really stuck.
theres a lot of reasons why i finally accepted I’m suicidal. I’ve tried to kill myself before but i was too weak to do it. i was scared and i couldn’t stop thinking about my mom finding me. i feel like it would be the easiest way to deal with life, i honestly feel like if i was dead everything would be so much better and specially i wouldn’t have to worry about anything. if i died i don’t care what happens i just hope that i […]
https://youtu.be/n-cD4oLk_D0
I’m not doing anything being alive im tired of being alone. I actually went on a 2nd date today. Im supposed to have another one this coming week. That said i feel very little connection with her. Im grateful as i haven’t had a date before last week in years and very few in my entire life. I guess give it time but i just feel its always a matter of time until i get rejected again. Ive become unover someone i haven’t talked to in a year and will never see again anyway. I don’t want to live anymore in perpetual loneliness. There have […]