I’m working on a series of paintings of the gulf. I have a friend who has been supplying me with a steady diet of gulf pics. He is down there for a fresh start, having made so many fresh starts in his life.
He sends me birds, water. Night, day. Sun, clouds. Amazing stuff really.
This is typically where I come up with some colloquial witticism. I’m fresh out of platitudes tonight, be them empty or full. Time for bed. Enjoy the night friends.
Today was a good day, got to pick up that special lady in my life. My 11 year old daughter, what a complete and wonderful BLESSING she is, and she can always bring me outta my funks. Nothing beats the pure and innocent love of a child, and it truly humbles me to know that there is still a love like that in the world. She doesn’t look at me like the guy who works all the time, or the guy in the Motorcycle Club, or the guy that used to be married to her momma, NOPE !!!!!!!! I’m […]
To do list:
Write a book.
Buy a new package of blades.
Consider seeing a therapist.
Buy vitiams
Go insane.
The blade is finally too dull to do damage. No matter how much you press it does little damage. And I don’t want to get stitches, so best not to press full force. I can’t wait to be re-united with a fresh blade.
(“The kit”
Open Pandoras box
I dare you
Tripple dog dare
I’m laughing
Clueles
Even you
Maybe I’ll turn blue
Screaming thank you
Pathetic
That’s what they are
Trying to save you
When they have […]
Dearest, dearest MC,
April 1, a year ago, it all changed.
One year ago you felt the fresh air again after 3 agonizing months. And I was there for you in spirit, as I had been all along. But I soon, sadly, discovered “we” were gone.
But on this anniversary I still send you all my love my friend; I send you best wishes. I wish things were different, but I try to trust this is where we should be right now.
Maybe someday… Maybe someday you’ll remember that feeling we shared and have the courage to want to try again.
I hold onto hope; I hold you in love; […]
yet i still didn’t want to get out of bed. I’m pretty impressed i managed to one step at a time. taking of my clothes from yesterday one article at a time. convinced myself to throw on some nice smelling spray deodorant and put on fresh clothes. I shoulda stayed in bed though.
Today I feel worthless. like a waste. I resigned form my job because I got another job offer at another place. I feel kinda awful, like I’m abandoning them. Like this new job won’t work out. Like I’ll be a failure and lose everything. I know this is what life is like but […]
Hi folks… I am still pretty new here and really enjoying getting to know all of you! I have a hard time sharing all the hard things in life or dealing with them. I tend to make life one big diversion. I get relief from watching sports. love almost all of them. I also like watching British comedy on YouTube, like fresh meat or peep show. what are some things you folks enjoy as diversions?
Alright, fellow depressed ones, back again to give y’all an update on my pathetic, miserable life. Last I posted, I went over a chunk of my life story and left off at my homeless predicament. As of now, I quit my job with a really abusive, corrupt oxygen company and I’m currently enrolled in college. I just had my first day of college today. As is typical of my life, nothing can go right. After two years out of state and a total shift in my appearance and personality, I ended up in class with bullies I’ve known since I was four years old. They […]
Half of me is happy to start a new year, starting fresh and a new start.
… The other half of me just wants to die so I don’t have to live another fucking year.
So I was considering uploading a picture of some severe scarring I have. It’s not to show off or glorify cutting. I actually wanted to ask if anyone knew how to heal them (or if they could be healed) because like I said they are very severe and ask if people think it will majorly interfere with my life. I haven’t cut for four months but the scars still look fresh. I just didn’t want to upset anyone or encourage or give people the idea of cutting. Would this be acceptable? I’m not interested in causing problems, they are just a major source of stress […]
Starving myself all day (I don’t have a natural appetite so it happens whether I want it to or not)
and then getting stoned at the end of the day and gorging on Mcdonalds and candy. I finished eating the other night and was laying in bed watching the absolute worst movie, Deep Blue Sea. I used to love it when I was a teen, but now that I’m older, the plot holes are a lot more apparent. Well anyway, I was watching this stinker, and I didn’t really want to be, but I was in such a state of zen and relaxation after eating so […]
I need new people with a fresh perspective in my life specifically to do with transgender issues. I’m so headfucked over this obviously it’s almost driving me to suicide once again. I’m in a dead end in Victoria with nothing but despair and self hatred. No money (which is fine), no friends (cool), no dreams (the kicker). All my dreams died with my old self dying. I don’t want anything anymore. I don’t care about anything anymore. The only person I care about I have intense love hate cycles towards and she knows this. So every little thing she does triggers rage attacks.
I want to […]
moving from Ohio alone was something I had to do. I was going through a horrible depression and needed a fresh start. Living in Virginia with no family is hard sometimes but it’s something I feel is right for me At this time. My grandma lived here so I came to visit her in November of last year. It started as just a vist and I’m still here! She’s not though, she moved arcoss the country.. Now I’m with her sister whom I met when I got here. I’m 20, and alone basically. I’ve made a few friends here! Trying to find myself and who […]
I’m empty, but deep down I feel a very distinct emotion of hate, and sorrow. My mind is very confusing, to say the least. There are trap doors that hide behind old memories collecting dust, and I don’t have a flash light to rummage through broken dreams without being cut. Too bad my scars are not able to completely fade away, I can not hide everything from everyone and I seem to do a shit job at it anyway. But what I find is that the people who notice are the people who really care. I mean, if you “care”, that’s fine, but don’t hang […]
I had the most beautiful dream – in it, I sat somewhere.. under a tree or on a bench – I’m not sure
A man sat next to me – I don’t think I knew him, or maybe I did – he slowly leaned over and kissed me ever so gently on the lips. The feeling that came over me was absolute love… there were no expectations, no sexual innuendos, nothing but pure, unconditional love. When I awoke – that kiss fresh on my lips – and found that it was a dream, my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. It was only a dream […]
I’m choking on the familiar cold in the air.. My lungs are beginning to shrink with every new breath I take.. I feel the tingling of the frost beginning in my fingers.. And I’m afraid.. Something I know so much of.., yet not enough knowledge could jump start my mind into the painful realization that I’m drowning.. Drowning in the sea and sun.. The water is suffocating but I see nothing but ice above me.. Preventing me from taking another fresh breath of a beautiful nothing called air.. And at that moment I begin to sink.. But I know the sun will melt the ice […]
Every since I found this site it was like a breath of fresh air.. I was finally able to say what was on my mind without scaring people away lol And I would read other peoples post and think did they actually go through with it.?? I really appreciate everyone that commented with words or encouragement and understanding. But its my time. This will be my last post I give up. I’m tired and this time ima make sure I succeed I wish everyone luck in life
Bye
I have to get out of this state. I need a fresh start. I need something new. Something stable. I want to find love again and I’m not going to find that if I’m misserable. I need to love myself before I can love anyone else and I’m trying so hard to make that happen. I Have to find a way to support myself before I can leave. That’s the fun part. Right? Wrong. Getting a job in a new state isn’t easy. But I have to. I need this. Am I wrong for moving so far away from my mom after all she’s done […]
Can i just disappear and start out fresh somewhere?
Can i have second chance at happiness?
Feeling alone again, far beyond the feelings of yesterday
Insanity creeping in gently like a swift blowing wind
Looking for ways to lessen the pain without needles in veins
“Stay sane,” Is what I tell the voices in my head.
Little whispers, “Embrace the pain.”
I think, “Cutting again?” no I’ll refrain
There should be a better way, there always is
Maybe a stare back from the mirror, a slight admiration of self
Maybe the girl across the street a little kiss
Maybe an inspiration from the deceased
As the thoughts rang, it came.
Like an answered prayer
A thought, a pen and paper
I wrote it as I felt it I described it like a painter
I felt […]
is it okey to feel like you dont belong to this earth?
Is it ok to not love your kids?
Is it ok to want to leave your family?
Is it ok to feel like it is your wife that is the source of the problem?
Is it ok to want to just leave and start fresh somewhere else? Is that possible?
Am i the only one that feel like this?
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