my husband asked me last night if I wanna go home ….when I said yes he did something really shocking and said OK he will talk to his mother and he will try to go home …good right …BUT…..wait for it………I will have to see what mom says OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS he can’t just tell hiss mother were going home after his birthday can’t do it….OHHHH and here’s another good one we might have to go back to FLORIDA because his car is there and its a hassle to get a shipper what dose he wan’t to do drive home in his two person […]
good
Fist things first. Since this is a tale of redemption it needs a soundtrack. What better than Cordless’s ode to HDS:
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Hyper-Haze.mp3
Now for the tale…
Last May I was at the pet store buying kibble or something related to cats when I found myself staring at the feeder tank. For those folks unfamiliar with feeders they are these little goldfish that are sold to feed to other fish. They are considered throw away fish. I stood there for fifteen minutes watching these little fish swim around, crowded, frantic. They didn’t know their own fate, they only knew the tank they resided […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Yesterday I went to my adult end center and my teacher says if I get a good score on the GED and SAT I could probably go to a university in the fall
As sick as it may sounds I may have to dich my whole family (siblings, cousins, parents) They never really cared anyhow.
My childhood dream is becoming a reality.
I think that I’m past the point of being depressed. Feeling has gotten old and I’m tired of it.
I was doing good for a little while, after I had attempted and survived my first suicide attempt in high school. I found things that helped, like meditation and mindfulness.
I read some self help books that really changed the way I think (I’m only mentioning this incase someone reads this, I HIGHLY recommend you read some books by Eckhart Tolle: A New Earth & The Power Of Now)
I used to be a good person. I don’t know if I am anymore. It’s been a while since anyone […]
This is just the same old post, made because I’m feeling lost and lonely and don’t know what else to do.
My life is probably not worth living. I don’t anticipate much in the way of happiness or meaningful events down the road. Generally speaking, anything involving human relationships is a non-starter. I’m not particularly artistic or creative. I don’t really believe in anything strongly, or care about anything that much. In other words, I am a void. My life is a big fat zero. And that feels terrible. All the things that you could’ve been, that you were supposed to be. And you’re not. You’re this. […]
Ive been thinking about suicide for a few months now. I’m at that age where everybody I knew is getting their corporate jobs, getting married and moving away. I’ve been thinking about suicide because I’m such a piece of shit. Social anxiety makes it hard to get/keep a job. I sit on my couch all day wondering how nice it would be having a good job, a loving family and friends. My mom thinks I’m a failure and I believe it. The only thing that’s kept me from ending it all in the past was wondering if she’d be able to take the shock, but […]
i’m new. to the site, at least, not to being suicidal. but i like writing and i was told once i should get more people to read it, so thought maybe this would be a good place to put this?
I breathe with the beating of my heart and lose it all so easily,
something of some significance slipping through my fingers.
Farewell, goodbye, good riddance, freedom and fear follow suit;
I’m gone, I’m gone, I’m gone.
it’s short but it’s here.
I want it and I would use it in a mila sec …..I am absolutely emotionally confused ..numb sad hopless … .worthless….with constant fear of things my parents might do and how quickly I will use I that perfume if I had it .
I hate every one… my parents are playing good cop bad cop when there both psychos…inculeding my in laws my husband is still asleep sooo helpfull…(my mother just texted me do trust anyone )
Got it momma my life is shit […]
So it seems like every time things seem okay then they just go to shit. Today I was driving my car when the engine died, but the car was still going because the speed I was already traveling at. Since the engine died the brakes and power steering went out right before a curve in the road so I had to try and get the car around the curve. I did and I got it stopped. I wish I would have been going faster when it happened so I could have just let the car go and let it kill me.
My job has stopped giving […]
i don’t know what to write here. i just feel bad. angry, bitter, the works. nothing makes me happy these days. i’ve fallen back on a lot of old, terrible habits. i’ve gained more weight from binge eating. i’m stressed because the weather is getting warmer, but i have new scars littering my arm that prevent me from wearing short sleeves. my brother still hates me. my best friend doesn’t feel like a friend anymore. i majorly fucked up my gpa and my standing in school, which means my chances of transferring to another university, never mind a good one, have become incredibly slim. my […]
I failed, I had one job to houner my parents.
I was harassed and molested growing up, Its a good thing Im bi so the scar isn’t as bad as it could be.
Mental health buracacy and CPS left me for dead, I think it was because of my family’s income bracket and long military background.
I could use a hug.
FYI: “Psychoface” is my endearing term for a psychiatrist 🙂 Actually, she’s a certified nurse practitioner, but I chose her because she’s a native English speaker. She’s turning out to be no better or worse than the MDs I’ve seen recently, except for this one thing….
Just wondering how many of you have been prescribed antidepressants for bipolar type I or II disorder and of you how many have benefited from them? I was diagnosed bipolar II and general anxiety disorder, and I haven’t read a lot of benefits from taking antidepressants and that it can induce manic episodes (which I don’t need more of).
Just for some […]
What are your experiences in how depression has effected your friendships and relationships? With past girlfriends it’s always been an issue between us, and I just lost a friend because any good qualities I had were “overwritten” by depression. I’m looking for advice. I’m tired of being so alone. I just don’t think I can change the fact that I want to die.
I’m finally letting go. Life just keeps on getting worse. Nothing good ever happens anymore. I always have to put up a façade that I’m happy and hope that people don’t see what is really going on. I know if I act unhappy, people will ask and I know I will never be able to give a good enough answer without everyone being suspicious. I know I have to ‘catch the bus’ soon. I always wonder if there is an afterlife or if we just turn into ghosts and just lurk around, basically stalking people just we aren’t really there. I know I’m going to […]
I swear my head feels like the fucking bomb in Enola Gay…
I got buried in over my head in appointments, deadlines and the likes during these last few weeks.
Coupled with that never-ending nostalgia feeling, it gives me sudden sharp pains in my temples.
I was literally one step away from having a complete mental breakdown today. I woke up, and as soon as I noticed the dawning sun on the early morning sky, I started crying… Instantly. I bashed my head against the bed several times until I spent the only bit of energy I had at the moment and just stayed like that for a […]
I was once a young, ambitious man. I loved smoking weed and one day I got some from California. It was really good and I sold a lot of it. Within 6 months, I was making about $2-3000 a week. I sold for about 5 years. I never had a job, just a full time dealer. Last year I spent 22k on plane tickets alone.
I would always use cash and avoid using my bank card and account, but I still managed to have 150k go through my bank account in the past 5 years. Plane tickets, for example, have to be bought on a card […]
It’s like I’m stuck in limp mode like a vehicle does when something seriously goes wrong with it. Even when I’m not in a depressed state I find myself conserving energy in everything I do. I’ll have a piece of toast for breakfast instead of eggs because it’s easier. I won’t do my hair or wear decent clothes (laundry) if I’m not leaving the house (which is at least 5 days of the week). Then when I do leave the house I do the bare minimum to just not look like a complete slob. It seems like complete laziness, but I just can’t seem to justify making […]
I have a question for everyone on here. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression and anxiety shit for about a year now. Whenever I have a good day (though those are extremely rare), I find myself missing the mental state I am comfortable in–the state where thoughts of suicide and self harm control me. Does that happen to anyone else? Does anyone else purposefully trigger themselves to be in a depressive state when they are in a “normal,” good, happy mood? Or is that just me? I don’t know why I do it…but I do. Sometimes I am mad at myself for doing. Other […]