Imagine a life without human relationships. No partners. No children. No close friends. No feeling of connection.
What is left?
What else can give a sense of meaning to the suffering we all face as part of life? If for some reason connections with others are ruled out, what is left in this vast, empty world that can hold any enduring significance?
For the past few months now my depression has been getting worse and worse and so has the suicidal thoughts. Enough so that I have attempted it a couple of times but it didn’t work. So I ordered some stuff to my uni flat which will mean it will definitely work. And I go back to my flat next week. I will finally be able to get of this place. I just have to get through this final week without attempting it a stupid way and then I will be able to go to my flat and end everything in peace.
If I had left my ex alone and hadn’t tried to forced her to give me an explanation of why she left me, forcing her to see me, then she might still live in the same state. Might go to the same school. She had said she was going to contact me in two months because she missed me so much. We might’ve been friends.
If I hadn’t had wanted to be back with her so desperately, if I hadn’t acted so desperate by fleeing my parent’s house and going back to our old apartment after saying suicidal implications, I’d still have my dog back. All I […]
Yes. Today will go down as one of the shittiest days I’ve ever had to go through. Never has my depression been so crippling. I feel physically ill. Like I want to throw up. I have one hell of a headache. I can barely get out of bed. My muscles are weak. I am shaking.
Maybe it’s partly because I haven’t been sleeping lately. But, I’m terrified of sleeping. I’m tired of the nightmares.
I am so passively suicidal today, it’s a good thing I have no strength to do anything… But type, I guess. Letting it out this way helps.
I just cut. After a month or […]
I wish I never born. Everybody left me when I wanted them. Lonely and broken. Help me to get rid of this pain. 🙁
I feel so alone, no one to talk to, no one to understand. I am going insane with my resent brake up.. She left me for another man and had no same in saying she has slept with him multiple times already.. I can not face this pressure and anger building up inside of me. I am crazy about this girl and always will be, but she has just shut me off.. Can’t wait to die
It’s ironic for me to post here. I do not consider myself a suicidal person. Yet i have made the decision to end my life. So how could a person want to commit sucide and yet not be sucidial? Because deep down i wish i could live my hopes and dreams to get out of bed each morning see the world, delve into the debts of the mystery of the cosmos and kiss the ones i love. A person who is depressed usually loses the desire for all this. But sadly i have not, i want it more than ever. Why sadly? Because the only […]
I’m getting more serious about attempting suicide, everyday is just getting worse and worse. I feel like more people are ignoring me, more people are judging and complaining about stupid things and everything so boring. I feel pointless, I’m not doing anything I’m like nothing so what’s the point is even being here, I’m not a good person and I feel so lonely and crazy and weird.
What’s even the point, I have three more years left of school before I can left this boring stupide place, I can’t wait that long here. If I stay here it’s like being trapped or like a robot and […]
I stopped posting here while i waited for some supplies. I got things situated and waited. So here’s the story.
Tonight, i drove an hour and a half to pick up 100$ worth of high grade heroin. Ive never done it before in my life. My daughter is with my mother, i am home alone. I am cleaning house and organizing things to be found that need to be found. The grief that struck me in the truck on the way home was like nothing I’ve experienced in my life. I have my death in my pocket. To stand on the precipice, look down, and […]
hey so I found SP while I was researching on pills overdosage and ever since the past few months been lurking on this page, reading many posts and decided to make an account today.
Its another year and most of the people I see are anticipating what the new year brings but im dreading it. Really, really badly. School is starting which is bad because I have to deal alot with being lonely and left out and anxiety issues which sucks alot. I know there are way graver problems out there, people starving in Africa, beggars on the street. And here am I, letting my […]
Once again a friend ditched me for my sister, once again I feel left out. I don’t want to be alone on New Years.. It’s happened two years in a row. I want to be with those who love me. I thought I was going to change and be more outgoing this year but I guess that hasn’t worked out well for me.. I thought I had that courage. I haven’t changed at all. When will it end?
I hope everyone else is having a good New Years. You guys diserve it.
Happy New Year!
Hey guys,
Even though this comes late, I hope all of you enjoyed a great and nice Christmas feast.
And more importantly, I wish everyone here an awesome new year in 2016.
Well, another year passes by again. For me and I guess for most you too, sadly just another year of grief, loneliness and failure. So, let’s hope it’ll be better in 2016 than in this year.
May all of you be on the bright side of life then, with the warm and comforting sunlight on the path your walking.
May all of you be safe and sound and have nothing left to fear.
I want to cry but cant or even move. Fireworks will go off again soon. I did this to myself. I dated, i was weak, and i suffered and still am. Im not going to just meet someone thats just going to fall in place. Anytime soon even if we need it. Every partner i had, left. This one.. Im ready to go now.. And if i miss im just going to rip it out in agony and do it again. Well thata how i feel
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
UPDATE: I started typing this last night when I was on the verge of killing myself. Obviously I didn’t….. But I decided to share anyways.
Here I am telling my story to strangers, that will never really know me. I could have told someone else, but she wouldn’t listen. I could have told her family, but it would have hurt them too much. It destroys me to know the amount of pain they will endure, but at what point do I get to stop suffering? I can’t carry on living in misery, just to spare everyone some pain. Life is a giant shit sandwich, and right now I’m just […]
The sadness is a heavy weight in my chest, a deep empty feeling.
It’s better than being angry, I think, but this pain is so consuming. If I’m not actively distracting myself (and even sometimes when I am) I can just feel her absence, the loss.
I don’t want to feel this way. I’m so tired of being sad. And even worse, I think I’d be happy if my heart wasn’t broken. After ten years I finally feel like my depression is lifting, but I still feel incredibly sad anyway.
It still feels unreal, that she left. She’s my best friend- I was her best friend- and I thought […]
I could feel you slipping
(I can always feel them slipping)
Away from me.
It was slow and silent,
the way you faded.
You dropped my hand,
(for it was too calloused)
And dropped my heart
(for it was too heavy)
You kissed my cheek,
and not my lips.
The night before you left,
I engraved my memory into your skin
with my fingernails.
Despite the fact that I hate Christmas, I was somewhat having a reasonably okay day yesterday. That was until my biological dad decided to harass my mother and I during the afternoon. After not hearing from him in 6 months, he sent awful messages to us about how I’m a disappointment and useless (after understanding how bad my mental state is when he first got back into contact, he decided he couldn’t cope and thought it was best to tell me how he’s better off without someone as ‘insane’ and ‘unstable’ as me). After getting no response from myself and minimal from my mother, he […]
Again, I can’t process anything. I woke up at 5am to see this on Facebook. All this time, since I left WV, I haven’t been able to process anything. I cried, some, after reading this and giving it a minute to sink in. The worst thing you’d ever want to hear. It’s so surreal. But this is the woman who took my cats when I lost my home. I ended up in KY when I couldn’t stay at the place I paid $1700 to move in to in OH. I lost that money and had only $800 left. It was too cold and cramped in […]
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