… so I was sitting on the couch listening ta triple J enjoying a nice coffee, right, and I’m nice and relaxed so I just put my head back and I had a sip of coffee in my mouth and when I went to swallow it I noticed a little bit of trouble like I just had to move my head (and with it my neck) down just a little bit in order to swallow, and it got me trying to drink down this drink with my head held all the way back and I just couldnt do it without the little bit of forward, […]
It’s Easter Sunday and all I can think is that my life could not possibly be more hopeless. I am 40 yrs old and I have accepted the fact that I will never have a husband, never have children. I haven’t been able to find a job. I’m stressing out about the 2 job interviews I have tomorrow. Everyone else I know is celebrating today with their families and I am laying in bed all alone unable to move. All I want is peace. If I fail to find a job again this week I think I will finally try to end my […]
Today I burned my arm over the boiling kettles steam it hurt and still stings but I like it now its something to occupy my mind and its not like a normal pastime or anything and now I feel like I wanna start harming again to feel the pain and take my mind somewhere else for a while this may be good or bad not too sure yet.
I’ve struggled with depression, insecurity, and severe anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember. My first appointment with a therapist occurred when I was 10 years old, I’m currently a sophomore in college. My depression comes and goes but I feel like it’s just been around for a while this time and it’s worse than ever before. I’ve never really struggled with suicidal thoughts, until just recently. The thing about it is: I do not want to die, I just have no desire to live. I don’t truly believe I could go through with killing myself, but I can’t stop thinking about it. […]
12 hours left.
I managed to shower and get ready for my test. I put make up on. I did my hair. Im wearing normal clothes. This is a big accomplishment for me today. For everyone reading and replying, thank you. Im sorry that I will be posting a lot. Like I said. Im a book. This is my final chapter. And I want it to be rememberable.
There have been so many times when my brain fails me. If I try to function like a normal human being and actually make a connection with someone, my brain won’t let me. If I try to change my environment or take a step in the right direction, there is blockers again.
Idk of its anxiety or just feeling of powerlessness but I feel trapped within myself. Like there is an internal cage that has always been there in my life but it only gets stronger has it takes control over more and more of my life.
People say there is help out there but I doubt […]
im not one really for emotions I still don’t really understand them but looking at my daughter In a room full of people knowing you would kill anyone who caused her any pain to cry or even make her sad and you would do anything for her is this love ?
Like I said before I don’t feel connected to anyone is this love ? I don’t think one can love anything more deep then a parents love I’m not a psyco am I it’s normal for a parent to want to kill for the kid right ?
is finding true love really a myth then ?
Anyways […]
I’m so close to the brink- I worry I’m losing my mind. I tell myself to keep trying, one more day… maybe even finish the semester. Then I find myself crying and tapping my foot, looking at one of those options.
I don’t know what to do anymore- I must be crazy. Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t my headaches go away? The seizures? The pain? Why can’t I just understand all this BS?
…I think I’m crazy.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I want out.
well apart from being able to feel physical pain today which is not really normal for me still shocked usually completely numb anyways struggled to get up and to college but I did but my teacher is saying basically if I pass the next test I will be done thank fuck but I really don’t no what to do with myself when I finish more time on my hands and mind isn’t good but I ain’t got no goals or plans no interests now what ? Like I said before I didn’t really plan living this long I’m a decade over due Now were is […]
I’m an 18 y/o girl from England suffering from depression, I think its mild/normal but to me it feels severe as I’m sure it does to everyone. I’m on anti-depressants and I thought they were helping but today I feel worse than I have in so long, I’ve been searching suicide and came across this site. I’m also wondering whether to get off the pills because I don’t want to rely on them, but counselling hasn’t helped either.
I’m bored of my life, I feel like I will fail my a levels this June and if I don’t get into uni I don’t know what […]
Don’t you ever feel numb all over, for no apparent reason? Welcome to the feeling of depression..
I honestly don’t know what to start with, so let me just say this:
Most of myself (my dark, depressing and suicidal self) actually wants me to kill myself, but I don’t think I have the guts to even do it. But I always think about what will happen, and how I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.
But the (I hate using this word) normal side of me thinks about who it would hurt, and then I’d feel guilty and would want to seek help. But most of […]
I’m not sure I’ll ever get over my self-esteem issues, which is to be expected, I suppose. But in the midst of being undecided about whether to continue hanging on, and trying, or just peacing out (am err’ing on the side of ‘choose life’), I also don’t think it’s fair to subject anyone else to it.
I’m just so amazingly insecure sometimes. Some days, I feel okay, as if I can cope and function. And then I lapse again.
I can’t even watch porn or enjoy fapping, without thinking about the guy I like having sex with somebody else. It’s not that I see other people as […]
I hate to feel sick of working already when it’s my first year. But I feel useless and like I can’t ever be up to the level everyone else is on, and I’ll always be such a no good underperformer. I used to think I was smart but it’s not book smarts you need. It’s being normal, knowing how everyone else thinks, and creating systems that follow the normal thinking patterns that I’m clueless on. I’m sick of not having any energy, being so short of breath, coughing & gagging like a smoker when I’ve never smoked, being tired all the time and overall physically […]
iv been depressed and in the darkness for so long living a normal life seems scary not to say I will be normal but what is normal always ? Beging depressed and suicidal its just about making it though another day without slicing you throat or swollowing a bunch of pills that’s a battle on its own now life on the other hand finding/getting a job you don’t hate paying bills so you don’t get kicked out made homeless then you feel like an out cast if you don’t have what’s in fashion phone cloths etc but u no u should compare your self to […]
Here’s the thing: I’m fine now.
I mean, I have been so depressed, so desperate… and now it’s all over.
My mind is not sinking in anxiety like it always was. I’m calmed. I can laugh, talk to friends, do things. I’m ok. Everything is back to normal.
Except that it doesn’t feel normal. Everything feels unreal. I’m looking for a job, trying to go back to university, but I don’t want to do any of those things. But I don’t want to not do them neither.
I don’t want to stay home, I don’t want to go away. It’s not that I don’t know what I […]
I tried to kill myself(via shitload of pills) yesterday and it just feels so weird ending up waking up and having to get ready for school and have a normal day. I knew my life was fake, but today I suddenly understood why. Is this my life now?
Welp the last time that I cut myself was basically 2 weeks ago (the last time I posted) it was much worse than normal…… it actually scared me they were not just deeper than normal but longer than normal, a few were still bleeding 3 days later…… So a few days after that I finally found my way into my school’s counselors office, it went better than expected…… I never told her exactly what was happening, but she sent me over to the crisis response unit (since she gathered that I at least had thoughts of causing myself harm) that was a terrifying experience…… However I […]
Sometimes I feel like my depression is better, that this is just grief and anxiety. But even if it is, it doesn’t feel any easier. Maybe I can enjoy things more, sort of- I was able to paint this weekend- but on the other hand I can’t seem to write creatively. I had a short story due and for the first time since junior year of high school (about a decade ago), I missed a writing deadline. It was just like my brain wasn’t there. And while I can blame anxiety for my procrastination on my math homework, I can’t on the writing. Not fully. I […]
Am i perfect not at all. I wish i had more exciting imperfections besides bitterness and anger but it is what it is. If there was such thing as a sure suicide method I’d probably do it. Hanging doesn’t work well and the dam near me doesnt have a convenient way to the drop. Also its survivable imo. I had a gun once. I was scared of vegitating myself so i didn’t do it. I would have fucked up the shot. You get nervous with a gun. I’m mad i was ever born still. But do i always see a hopeless loser in the mirror? […]
At this new job at my brother’s company, anxiety is always flaring up and up. Meeting clients is so much of a struggle because I try to leave my social anxiety and depression at home. My brother keeps on telling about the Lord and how he’ll save me et cetera
I just feel like I don’t belong and wasn’t meant to be in the first place. I can’t function like a normal human being. The boredom and repetitive mundanities of everyday life just render me powerless. Lack of confidence in self, in the world. I am generally fucked to the 100th degree.