Pretty soon the time is coming for me to leave. I began doing things to ensure that I will lead a peaceful life ahead. I deleted all useless photos, chats and notes. I am spending the last six weeks breaking every bond I have with another human being. For all traces to be removed, and there will not be a single hint as to my existence in the light. I am not popular so no one will care when I’m gone. I don’t have friends or loved ones here so one will be sad. No party is needed because no one will attend. No goodbyes […]
Tag:
start
I think it would be great if I could just open my skull and take my brain out. After that I put in the sink and just clean it. I rinse it down and wash it thouroughly. I wash everything away. Anxiousness, fear, depression, sadness and loneliness. After that I put it back in my skull and start a new happy life. That would be a hell of a thing.
We always mean to say more when our hands and nails are dug in. Settled on undressed beaches and distant shores sirens scream ever so softly so (before they force contact) with the nerve to say, this might produce the most lovely child.
My mind is distracted and the path doomed from the start.
I never knew you
I’ll never know you
I thought I was done with this site. Here i am though and its truly been a while. I don’t know what to do. I tried to kill myself when i was at home with my parents i thought that i would move back with my gf and shit would get better. That i could finally be happy and have a family of my own filled with the love i always wanted but since i got here its been nothing but abuse and disrespect. There’s no love anymore and that sucks but i need to stop being stupid and face death like who wants to […]
Still feeling sick. Sick like slow, tired, dizzy, nauseous… This awful headache. No appetite. Intense amounts of sleep. Going through benzo withdrawal as an unintended side effect of overdosing and the hospital prescribed hydroxyzine to help with anxiety and withdrawal symptoms. The hydroxyzine makes me tired and blank cognitively but I kind of like it because it’s better than being alone with my thoughts.
I haven’t told my family anything. We are the type of family where this sort of thing is swept under the rug and considered a weakness. I had my friend check me out of the hospital which I know was […]
Hey guys. I haven’t been on in a while. My life really hasn’t gotten that much better. I did start on an antidepressant, but I feel more suicidal now. I started self harming again. I burn myself a lot. Life just sticks and I hate it.
* lame mushy relationship problem* I met a nice guy, genuinely true and honest and down right lovely, described by his friend as the ‘virginest virgin’. we’ve been closeish friends for a year, and a week ago we found out we both liked each other. we are both awkward. its been so awkward. he knows all about me, my depression, suicide attempts, self harm, anxiety attacks, being sexually abused as a toddler and then being used for sex by paedophiles at 13. (now 18, new guy is a few months younger than me) I told him I’m not ready for anything physical and he seems […]
okay so where do i even begin? I guess ill just start with my family before i even go into detail about me. My mother has a terrible medical history, and she passes out or blacks out many times and during this sometimes she falls and busts her head, which as you can imagine, this is very stressful and would be for anyone. Imagine being anywhere from 6-13 and seeing this is pretty traumatic. My mother cannot control these, and cannot wake herself from these spells on her own. She has had many stitches. My father is a pathological liar. He was in the army, […]
So I just got my first job and I don’t know. I want to be happy about it but I feel like I’m just going to fuck it up bad. I feel like I’m going to do or say something stupid and everyone is going to remember it and I’m terrified I’ll be humiliated and I just want to cry even thinking about starting my first shift is making me want to burst in tears I don’t know if it’s just jitters or what but I feel like I’m going to simultaneously vomit and cry I don’t know what to do. I’m panicing so bad […]
Memories are fresh in my mind as if it was yesterday. Exactly two years ago, we were sitting and folding the clothes into the container, chatting excitedly about the days ahead. We enjoyed going to the supermarket so much and made a list of the things to buy. We prepared a lot of things to start living on our own. Exactly that morning of September 2013, we were speeding under the hot sun, towards the future yet unknown, leaving everything else behind. It was exactly this time of that year that we, young and foolish, abandoned the dank room, the jealous accusations, the fearsome […]
I find it extremely difficult to actually make decent real life friends.
I’m 15 years old and all the “Real life friends” ive had up until this point have either used me or don’t care about me and make fun of me.
I made another post about most of my life and in that post I explained how I had cancer from when I was 9 up until I was 14. most of the people I know call me cancer boy and some people act so scared of me because they might catch my disease even though it is not contagious (obviously) and I do not have […]
Okay so I just really quickly wanted to say thank you to everyone on this site. My friend had to ask 2-3 times just for me to join this site. I was reluctant because I expected people to ignore me or call my problems stupid…I’ve kinda grown to expect it from bad experiences in my past. But the amount of support I got from people who have never met me is…astounding. I’m determined to not let my depression and anxiety define who I am, but I never knew where to start. This is a good place. I don’t know if this will be the indefinite […]
Since my last post I wanted to write one for some of the people here. This is mostly for people I’ve crossed paths with in the comments recently, but I appreciate everyone here. We might not have talked, but many people here have become very valuable to me.
I don’t know where to start… over the last couple of days I’ve been feeling several times that my depression has lifted. It’s a very gentle, subtle lift, but this is something that hasn’t happened to me for years. I’ve been much, much better physically the past couple of days (it changes dramatically from one day, hour, minute […]
I’ve thought a lot about this and I think I’m scared to be happy. I’ve been miserable for so long it’s all I know. I’m scared to change, scared to start doing things and taking chances. Scared to smile. Does anyone else feel this way or at least understand?
I call this day one because this is the first day I haven’t cried in a really long time. I’ve come to believe the fact that Jordan will not come back to me. That who ever wrote the quote, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was always yours. And if it doesn’t, it never was; never dated a stubborn, prideful, Army Ranger.
I can admit I fucked up. I completely screwed up our dreams of marriage, happiness and children. I can say, I never cheated, never thought about it and never wanted anything more in my life than […]
today was supposed to be my death day i was jittery and scared but i knew that something would happen to push me to where i needed to be to go through with it… and i was right! something happens every day that reminds me why i want to die. So i got my gun from bass pro shop and then i figure out they don’t have the ammo for the gun so i drive to a dicks and they don’t have it either so i go to another dicks and i finally find the right caliper bullets and i get home and i start […]
I have 100 tablets of ibuprofen, what will happen if I start tacking them one by one?
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I was going to write once I got back from work but my mom decided to make it a movie night since I wasn’t feeling so good.
So on my way to work I was feeling really sick. I was feeling really lightheaded, nauseous, and at the same time my blood pressure was really high. For a minute I thought maybe, just maybe I was going to have a heart attack and to be honest, I wouldn’t have minded if I did. When I got to work I didn’t know if I really wanted to spend the entire day feeling like this so I told my […]
Spent the past weeks in hospital after yet another failed attempt at taking my life. I wanna turn my life around. Maybe it ain’t my time to go yet. I’m still going to give life another shot. Got a great job offer. Will start as soon as I leave the hospital.
Suicidal thougts still linger in my head but I made them my ally now. They are pretty managable. I still hope to work to earn enough money for a peaceful exit. But until then, there’s a lot of ass I gotta kick and there’s also a whole lot of ass to admire lol. 🙂 I […]