Well that last attempt to upload was so full of crazy it wouldn’t load.
Well try again. Welcome to Club HDS. No cookies or snacks this time, the month doesn’t end in B.
Thank you Phantom. I feel like I got the last bit of crazy out tonight.
I lost the game. She really does hate me now even though, my depression and apathy were the causes for why I pushed her away. I guess I deserve this fate… A fate worse than death or Hell… A living Hell with only one escape. It’s fine. I was tired of fighting sanity and life, anyway… I’m moving my date to tonight.
Goodbye, everyone.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Going in for a test tomorrow. Dont think I will sleep tonight.
I wish I could just turn my head off.
My head is screaming. My body is screaming. The voices and intrusive images are taking over. A crushing weight is sitting on my chest. I feel closer to the monsters in my head than the people who surround me. I can’t breathe and I can only think of ways to bring about physical pain to make the mental insanity end. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of pretending that I can survive this war that I never had a choice in. I did not choose to be born, nor did I choose to participate in this insanity that circulates in my head. I want so […]
For those 4 years I’ve been biding my time, laying around, pushing myself through the dense air with no reason to do so other than just to play the part of my obligation in which I do not want. I wanted to leave 4 years ago.
I only walk through this air hoping it brings me closer to the precipice for my end.
I don’t want to leave a huge mess for someone to clean up or a body for someone to bury, but I want to leave. What am I supposed to do? Live on the obligations of others?
I don’t want to live my life […]
Couple songs I’m really into tonight. By Twiztid off their Heartbroken and Homicidal album. I think a lot of you can dig this. So give it a try. I’ll be lurking all night tonight.
I know I’ve already posted tonight, but I couldn’t get rid of my energy. I ended up working on this drawing of Oliver Sykes and Josh Franceschi.
It’s not finished – I still need to work into their faces and tweak some of their facial features- but I’m about to move on to doing something completely unrelated, and I thought I’d post what I’ve done so far while I’m still somewhat focused on it. It’s good enough considering the state I’m in […]
I’m so tired of fighting this war
My body aches, and my soul is its whore
My pain has grown full in size
Was fed religiously by my own mind
It now controls my every step
Making sure I won’t get slammed
Rejecting life by any means
And killing everything within.
My pain has been with me since ever
By now I really should know better
It won’t be cast away by light,
It will end with me, god willing, maybe tonight.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I think I’m just going to go to sleep. I mean, why stay up and just torture myself with my thoughts? I hate myself. My life. Everything.
I’m on the verge of crying. I feel depressed, I feel lonely and I feel heartbroken. When I really need them they aren’t here for me. The one who’s even been helping me isn’t even messaging me.. It makes me angry, It makes me frustrated to see he has time to communicate with my sisters but not with me. It makes me feel like I’m a total loser. It makes me feel regret for even liking him. He seems more interested in my sisters than he does of me. Seems he’s just keeping me company out of pity. It’s making me feel like killing myself. […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I am so tired I couldn’t even finish dinner.
I am going to bed early tonight.
Three people told me my eyes are “glassy” and bloodshot today.
Tomorrow’s dinner will be today’s leftovers.
It’s weird seeing double of everything when I drive.
P.S. Here’s a post that uses the word NAKED at least eight times.
I’m waiting, and today I can’t seem to be patient. I need you, I need your words. I need to read. It’s been dark today. You are mt crutch tonight and I hate myself for letting myself think that way. I don’t need a crutch, what am I doing? I’ve sunk a little more today. It’s been at a constant rate for days.
My own thoughts.
Stop fucking sinking. God, you’re pathetic.
Im done I cant take it no more or just might slit my wrist tonight i will die i cant live in this life no more i cant i wanna die so im going to take my life and if go to hell im a theif and horrible person I take advantage of the stupid and bleed them dryvim go there anyway so I just go quicker
I have an offical place to live, I should be moving in soon. I’m staying the night here tonight to help clean for easter tomorrow. My best friend of 22 years bought a house with her boyfriend and they are letting me move in.
My hearts pounding.
I want to call it quits for tonight, and go to bed.
Its only 10 PM. This’ll be the first time going to bed at 10 PM (before midnight) after months, and years and …
Too long.
I am not moving.
I am not caring.
I am sad and helpless and I need something
i’m holding onto my head stressing about going to bed so early. I haven’t done this before. What if I get horrible sleep paralysis tonight? This is a horrible decision. I’m going to be so f;ing–
Help. Someone help. Its wrong it feels wrong.
I gotta say some of this is my OCD crap. Its as if […]
I live for sweets. It’s one joy in my life out of few. I don’t care if it’s bad for my teeth. I’d rather endulge in sweets throughout my life. I’m eating frozen moose tracks yogurt. My breath already smells funny. The yogurt is old, I’m not sure how old, but it has a little freezer burn. But I don’t care.
It’s cold tonight. It’s storming, raining and hailing. I eat ice cream and sich when it’s cold or nights like this. Isn’t that weird I hate ice cream in the summer. It melts so fast.
Besides this, I’m waiting to hear from a friend. He is […]
I was fine… for a while. I thought I would make my life easier by pushing away my friends. Now I’m alone- during school, at home- basically everywhere. Its been awhile since I last posted an update, because I felt better. But depression has reared its ugly head again, so here I am. Tonight is one of those nights when I just can’t snap out of it. All I can think about is merciful death. Absence from school is a common occurrence these days because of depression. This just makes it harder to catch up and maintain good grades. I have no motivation to do […]