diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer…had surgery, breast removed…still got the other…wish they had removed both…no reconstruction for two years…fuck…insurance won’t cover removal of non cancerous breast…the only luck is that I wasn’t intending on living so refused chemo and radiation…waiting for it to metastasize…brain or lung will do….at least I don’t have to kill myself by any other means…do I really want to do it….I ask myself every morning…yes…there’s nothing left and I’m tired of struggling and battling…selfish maybe…but if I don’t contribute to life why prolong it…
I’ve been lurking on this sight for months now: but just recently made an account. I’m not sure if I waited so long because I was nervous about posting or because I didn’t want to push my problems onto others. But anyways, I guess now is a good a time as any. A little background before I get into what I really want to talk about, my dad was a very abusive drunk and mother left us relatively young due to a substance abuse problem. I was always looking for a way out, a way to find some normalcy in my life. Eventually I found […]
(If you want to get an idea of what’s been going on, look at my previous post.)
I unexpectedly ran into him today while working on a project at the computer lab. The first thing that came to mind as I walked in and saw him was “leave” but honestly, I couldn’t. I had to get this project done or else my future would be at the mercy of my schools hands. It’s not like my school takes kindly to failures, but, anywho.. I walked in and sat down at the desk the teacher directed me to. It was right next to the printer. I knew […]
I am wrong all the time and im stupid and crazy I want to die I cant take it no more . I am ridiculed for not having money but I havr no help..I have been in this motherfucking town for almost one month . my job as I see it get to the office and make money every body eles can go fuck them slefs. I dont need to put a cup of coffe for my father in law or be apart of this family I dont want to play scategory or Monopoly…. And fucking play house I was told I was gonna make […]
I can’t breathe, I can’t move, I can’t do this anymore. I just want it to end. Everything go black and disappear. I want to carve just to feel something other than this complete darkness that covers me. No one can help me. No one can help.
Haven’t been here in a while. Things got better for a while but somehow i’m the same again. I feel so lifeless. Found something temporarily for my hurt but when that’s not enough, I’m not sure what I will turn to. I’ve been feeling down lately, feel like i don’t want to live anymore. I’ve turn to cutting to ease my pain, holds me about a day or so. First it was just my wrist then I’ve move to my face. It’s a bit uncomfortable because people always watch me like what happen to me. They often ask if someone is beating me. I work […]
Hi. I’m the rug.
I’m in pretty significant pain today, but something new, my family is also screwing me out of what little money I manage to save up.
I lent my sister 1k a while back.
Rather than paying me, she paid my mom, and told me I could get it back from her- which we all know isn’t true.
My mom has bought an in-ground pool during a semester where she screwed me out of paying a third of my college semester, and now she has taken out a second mortgage on the house.
She threatened to kick me out again over something as silly as […]
I want it and I would use it in a mila sec …..I am absolutely emotionally confused ..numb sad hopless … .worthless….with constant fear of things my parents might do and how quickly I will use I that perfume if I had it .
I hate every one… my parents are playing good cop bad cop when there both psychos…inculeding my in laws my husband is still asleep sooo helpfull…(my mother just texted me do trust anyone )
Got it momma my life is […]
I keep giving myself away to people who I know don’t care about me for anything other than sex.
I just want someone to sweep me off my feet and help me forget.
i don’t know what to write here. i just feel bad. angry, bitter, the works. nothing makes me happy these days. i’ve fallen back on a lot of old, terrible habits. i’ve gained more weight from binge eating. i’m stressed because the weather is getting warmer, but i have new scars littering my arm that prevent me from wearing short sleeves. my brother still hates me. my best friend doesn’t feel like a friend anymore. i majorly fucked up my gpa and my standing in school, which means my chances of transferring to another university, never mind a good one, have become incredibly slim. my […]
I’ve been struggling with my depression for years but it’s never gotten this incapacitating. In the past year I’ve spiraled downwards, anxiety striking every chance it gets, invasive thoughts running wild any time I wasn’t able to distract myself. The only thing that kept me sane has been my girlfriend. The most amazing, down to earth, just perfect person I’ve ever met. I was ready to marry her, I’d give my life for her. We were doing great (or so it seemed to me) until spring break trip where I was forced to go with my family and have the worst time id had in […]
I woke up this morning and I immediately thought about taking up sewing or doing polymer clay crafts. I think I will. I need something to distract my mind. All I want in the day is for time to pass. I don’t really want to live, but if I have to stay awake I might as well do something to quiet my thoughts.
I just want to die. I’m suffering so much. I don’t want to leave my family and my lovely little cat but I feel I have no alternative. My existence is empty, terrifying and degrading. I’m not talented, I now hate the way I look [Yes you pay for your vanity] and I’m not sociable. I don’t work, I live alone and don’t want to do anything at all but of course I have to kill the time somehow – the net, long walks, watching DVDs, visiting my parents – but it’s all just to survive another day – so I can do the same […]
I have one friend and I love him so much. No one could ever understand how much I love him.
I’m mentally “ill”, and he’s not, and he doesn’t understand me, but he loves me anyways, even if he can’t understand the things I feel…
And I’m so happy that he loves me so much.
But it’s so hard to give him space when all I want to do is be around him.
I want to spend all of my time with him.
I’ve always been so lonely all of the time.
And now I have not just a friend, but a lover, and it makes me so happy, to not […]
Hello all, please forgive me if my English is weird. It is not my first language.
Anyways here goes nothing and I am new here:
I have been wandering on Internet and seeking suitable suicide-related or depression-related websites. I stumbled across this website and had thought about signing up. So I did and started out by reading how others deal with their side of Depression and stories. We live in different places so maybe there are some alternative ways of coping stress-related or anything negative. I have been suffering from depression for more than a decade now and at times, self-harm for pain relief. I have been […]
I’m tired of pretending that nothing is wrong with me. I’m tired of hiding my depression from my friends and family. I’m tired of feeling alone. I just want to escape the path I’m on. I saw a boy in my grade succumb to death, and I didn’t even shed a tear, yet I really want to be with him right now. I’m tired of being the perfect girl, and pretending it doesn’t effect me when someone calls me a skank, cause I’m not. I’ve never even kissed anyone. I’m tired of being the pathetic one that my best friend has to console. I’m tired […]
Of waiting. I tried hanging myself countless times to no avail last year. I may try again next week. We move and ill have my own room again. I’ll have the space to do it. My mom is talking about moving and the things we have to do. Im to old to care how it will affect her or any family. Before my breakdown last year we had barely talked for 5 years. I dont care a anymore. There wasnt a me before this pain. This is who i am. I am depressed and suicidal. I am also tired and old. Ive had countless attempts, […]
Fuck this existance, i want to die! What kind of twisted pervertion makes this right not mine? Murderer, self assassination, killers go to HELL, if thats what youd like, or continue this existance of hated life. Fuck these choices, i have no choice, eternal damnation eclipses my life, no matter internal struggle, impulse, strife. I just want to die
So if you follow my posts then you know that I have very severe self harm scars on my arm and that they are a great source of stress in my life. I’ve been working on covering them with makeup and even though they are still visible they don’t look quite so bad. I’ve been doing my best to heal them and help their appearance. It’s been almost a year since I last cut.
I’ve always been terrified of friends or boys I like seeing them. I decided tomorrow I’m going to go out without covered for the first time in a year.I will probably wear […]
I’ve seen a bunch of therapists in the 14 years since I was first diagnosed with depression. None of them have been particularly effective. I guess that’s not surprising, given that I tend to use negative thoughts as a mechanism to avoid situations that are scary or tend to result in emotional pain. A therapist can give me a technique to challenge my thoughts or a behavior to lessen the power of those thoughts, but I’ve rarely tried any of them because I don’t actually want to challenge my thoughts. If I do, I know I will be likely to drag myself right back out […]