So, if you didn’t already know, you are now the third person that knows about this, I don’t like to tell people unless they are really close or I end up upsetting them therefore id tell them. Well last summer in 2018 I had the worst months of my life, there were 2 weeks where I decided not to eat at all and got taken to the hospital. I was in a state of mind where dying was the most important accomplishment for me. I’d lost the one person who made me stronger and who made me, me. I spent months on end crying and […]
Category:
Chronic Pain
I am a 24 year old guy. This is for the first time I am writing something out of my heart so I will try my best to open up. Life has always been tough for me to be more specific it’s been one wrong decision after another. I was raped multiple times by by older cousins and others when I was a kid. I did not know what was happening, I was to young to understand or share my situation with anyone. As I grew older and realised I wanted to kill those people but I was too emotional and weak to do something […]
I have two brothers who despise my father as well. He had always demeaned us since we were children(the oldest[aka kuya] is at least 37 and my other brother who lives with us is 24, I am 17 turning 18 in august). This is my last year of highschool and my father continued to tell me I would never graduate and amount to anything(to this day). He left beginning of Sophomore year and left my mom with no money when we were getting kicked out. I had talks with my mother while we were adjusting to our new life, and she admits that shes okay […]
To climb out of the wreckage of lies, deception and willful betrayal and duplicity. To perceive who someone really is under their ingenuous disguise of innocent princess playing the victim. Covert narcissism runs deep in a traumatized mind. I’ll burn the whole world down to achieve my success and realize my nocturnal dreams to reality. I’ll be damned if I let the insidious lies of a miserably trapped, cognitively dissonant, neurotically insipid, and untreated psychotic disassemble my life. The fire inside of me rages with flames of pride, dignity, and truth of self. The distinctive I. I, Ryze. And I know the Creator. My I […]
I am a suicidal survivor. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, though. You think that once you have finally made it past being suicidal and depressed that you’ll always feel better; there are no simple fixes to being mentally broken. It’s not a broken bone that will one day heal. Even though I do not actively want to die, i’ll hear a song, or watch a show that I watched or listened to when I was hurting and depressed and I will spiral down the rabbit hole once more. The emptiness still lingers, and I still have thoughts. When a person becomes that […]
Title: AI in the future / A.I in the future / Artificial Intelligence in the future ; VR in the future / V.R in the future / Virtual Reality in the future ; Transhumanism in the future ; technology in the future ; Life is boring ; Life sucks ; escape from reality
The more detailed post:
AI is the future
A.I is the future
Artificial Intelligence is the future
because Life is boring / reality is boring / real life is boring / real world is boring
VR is the future
V.R is the future
Virtual Reality is the future
because Life is boring […]
you wanted more attention from me?
bad girl!
now i’ll give you the silent treatment and make you believe you did something wrong
Does anyone else feel like no matter what they do they can’t do anything right? That they’re tired of inconveniencing everyone around them and making life so much harder? I feel so unwanted. I don’t even want to die. I just want to run away and live by myself. That way no one will be burdened by my passing.
Something is wrong
Its been more than 2 weeks since im sick…
When i dont eat maid’s cooking im okay..
But when i eat it im sick again
Its already 2 times i skip her cooking and im really really fine
Something is wrong..
But my mom doesnt believe me
What shiuld i do?
Its so weird..
I think im going to die soon..
Not because i take my life.. but she take my life
Believe me mom..
Please believe me…
What is there to continue for? Why purpose do I serve by being here?
by Enman Tengu
written by Enman Tengu
For what purpose am I here? that is the question that is always on my mind.
And it always seems that I come back to this point, the only purpose in my life seem to be to serve others. I am responsible for the health and wellbeing of others, my own health and wellbeing is irrelevant to anyone else as long as I am able to serve them, they are okay with the way things are. I continue to think that this is somehow friendship, and that my service to them is an incidental thing in the “friendship”. But then their […]
I wanna see it happening. To see that I’m not just a sad story. That it’s real. I want to feel alive. I want to feel that there’s something for me out there. Something that will make me keep on going, keep on moving forward. Like Charlie did. I want to have someone to love and to be loved back. I want to have someone that will like the real me. That can see me, see through my eyes without even asking what’s wrong with me. I want to feel that I can live. To live with much love and hope like Charlie did. Like […]
Im really sick yet i dont have courage to die
I hate myself so much
Even parents hate me so much
They want to kill me
Because i dont have nothing to give them
Unlike my sisters
Im just a pile of garbage
Nothing precious
They always scream at me
Thwy always discriminate me
They always underestimate me
I have nothing but failure and pain
Its been 2 weeks since im lying in my bed
Hello?
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
I’m screaming for help
Please help me
I can’t see anything
I don’t know where I am
I’m just surrounded by darkness
Help me find myself because as time goes by I feel more lost
People can’t seem to understand when I tell them that 95% of my time on this earth has been suffering or painful.
Yes there are good times and good friends but they are so few and far between it’s just painful to continue. I’m pretty sure I have major depression, but without any money or healthcare coverage I can’t get it diagnosed, and honestly I really don’t care enough to try anymore.
Also lost my job in 2014, lost my health care coverage, and was rejected for unemployment or assistance of any kind. I had to sell the house, most of my belongings, and burn all of […]
Back in High School, there was this girl that i like, like A LOT or should i say I LOVE HER. She’s pretty good looking, athletic and the coolest girl that i know but she was out of my league, that’s the problem. I’m this skinny not good looking guy. Like I’m the complete definition of a NERD. But i didn’t care. I had to gather all this guts to prove to her that I can be the GUY for her. I want her to like me. I heard she had a boyfriend and then they broke up. I know it was a good opportunity […]
Another day. I made it. Everything’s as usual. Some things sucks but some are getting better. I’m just hoping that i would at some point would feel different than i was yesterday. Like a happy story in some books or movies. I’m trying to be like i’m not a sad story. I mean, there were moments that i felt that i succeeded but at the end of the day, all came back. When i lay down in bed, these thoughts and feelings haunt me. I didn’t know what to do. So here i am. Writing this and hoping that somewhere someone is feeling the same […]
I’m sorry… I’m sorry to everybody that I don’t have enough strength to get through everything anymore. I’m sorry that I’m hurting and need it to stop and there is only one way for that to happen. I’m sorry for being “selfish”, although I have never seen it that way. As much as I might try to blame this on my parents, my school, my work or my friends, it’s nobody’s fault but my own for letting myself live in such mental agony that I can no longer deal with.
First of all, I need to make sure that my beautiful cat is looked […]
She took a deep breath,
She counted to three,
A picture in her head,
Of who they wanted her to be.
They wanted her to be normal,
Happy and kind.
They never thought,
That this girl would be blind.
Not blind by meaning,
But blind in the heart.
Blinded by darkness,
Blinded by dark.
She walks around lifeless,
Her heart is beating but she feels dead.
A walking corpse.
She is lost inside her heart.
Things have no meaning,
At least not anymore.
She was not how she was once before.
She is one of the livings,
But one of the deads.
A part of her is missing.
She hangs […]
On the surface my life seems perfect. I have a job, a car, so called friends, and I’m about to finish my degree in finance.
Yet despite all this I still want to die.
Here’s why.
I guess the core trauma started when I was 7 and my parents got divorced. (there were many others)
Life before that was perfect and I distinctly remember my parents sitting me down
and telling me I have nothing to worry about and that they promise they won’t divorce.
They divorced the next day and my life spiraled out of control.
My dad turned into a religious nut and […]
It all feels blank most of the time. I am suicidal but i don’t plan or have a plan to kill myself, but the thoughts linger. I’m in the grey area, constantly In the grey area.
I don’t want a future, i don’t want to get a job and i don’t want to get out of bed each morning, i don’t want to brush my hair, i don’t want to eat. eat… eating is something that i haven’t done now for a few days. i have such disgust for my body and the numbers on the scale. i haven’t eaten and my body is so […]