Hello?
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
I’m screaming for help
Please help me
I can’t see anything
I don’t know where I am
I’m just surrounded by darkness
Help me find myself because as time goes by I feel more lost
Category:
Chronic Pain
People can’t seem to understand when I tell them that 95% of my time on this earth has been suffering or painful.
Yes there are good times and good friends but they are so few and far between it’s just painful to continue. I’m pretty sure I have major depression, but without any money or healthcare coverage I can’t get it diagnosed, and honestly I really don’t care enough to try anymore.
Also lost my job in 2014, lost my health care coverage, and was rejected for unemployment or assistance of any kind. I had to sell the house, most of my belongings, and burn all of […]
Back in High School, there was this girl that i like, like A LOT or should i say I LOVE HER. She’s pretty good looking, athletic and the coolest girl that i know but she was out of my league, that’s the problem. I’m this skinny not good looking guy. Like I’m the complete definition of a NERD. But i didn’t care. I had to gather all this guts to prove to her that I can be the GUY for her. I want her to like me. I heard she had a boyfriend and then they broke up. I know it was a good opportunity […]
Another day. I made it. Everything’s as usual. Some things sucks but some are getting better. I’m just hoping that i would at some point would feel different than i was yesterday. Like a happy story in some books or movies. I’m trying to be like i’m not a sad story. I mean, there were moments that i felt that i succeeded but at the end of the day, all came back. When i lay down in bed, these thoughts and feelings haunt me. I didn’t know what to do. So here i am. Writing this and hoping that somewhere someone is feeling the same […]
I’m sorry… I’m sorry to everybody that I don’t have enough strength to get through everything anymore. I’m sorry that I’m hurting and need it to stop and there is only one way for that to happen. I’m sorry for being “selfish”, although I have never seen it that way. As much as I might try to blame this on my parents, my school, my work or my friends, it’s nobody’s fault but my own for letting myself live in such mental agony that I can no longer deal with.
First of all, I need to make sure that my beautiful cat is looked […]
She took a deep breath,
She counted to three,
A picture in her head,
Of who they wanted her to be.
They wanted her to be normal,
Happy and kind.
They never thought,
That this girl would be blind.
Not blind by meaning,
But blind in the heart.
Blinded by darkness,
Blinded by dark.
She walks around lifeless,
Her heart is beating but she feels dead.
A walking corpse.
She is lost inside her heart.
Things have no meaning,
At least not anymore.
She was not how she was once before.
She is one of the livings,
But one of the deads.
A part of her is missing.
She hangs […]
On the surface my life seems perfect. I have a job, a car, so called friends, and I’m about to finish my degree in finance.
Yet despite all this I still want to die.
Here’s why.
I guess the core trauma started when I was 7 and my parents got divorced. (there were many others)
Life before that was perfect and I distinctly remember my parents sitting me down
and telling me I have nothing to worry about and that they promise they won’t divorce.
They divorced the next day and my life spiraled out of control.
My dad turned into a religious nut and […]
It all feels blank most of the time. I am suicidal but i don’t plan or have a plan to kill myself, but the thoughts linger. I’m in the grey area, constantly In the grey area.
I don’t want a future, i don’t want to get a job and i don’t want to get out of bed each morning, i don’t want to brush my hair, i don’t want to eat. eat… eating is something that i haven’t done now for a few days. i have such disgust for my body and the numbers on the scale. i haven’t eaten and my body is so […]
There’s no easier way to say this – I need help. I don’t care who, what, when, where, why or how, I just care that I get help. I don’t get how everyone can say there is so much help you can get out there when every time I try to seek help, I fail. Is it the universe’s way of telling me that I’m hopeless and can’t be helped or I don’t deserve to be? Because that is how it feels. The amount of times that I have tried to reach out to a professional and been unsuccessful is not okay. It genuinely confuses […]
Death would be the nicest thing would happen to me now. No one deserves to be transgender, poor, have a black skin and live in this hell called as Brazil. And I also may have cancer. Life has no sense and I hate it.
hi, my name is milo.
i tend to hide my emotions and bottle them up until i break. everyday i force myself to get up and go to school and do what needs to be done. i’m okay throughout the day but as soon as i’m alone and it’s nighttime i breakdown. i cry myself to sleep everytime i realize that nothing is going to get better. i’ve been in the same spot for over 5 years now and nothing has changed. i was sexually assaulted by my ex-best friend, constantly being blamed for things that weren’t my fault, and my boyfriend of almost 2 years […]
..two months into antidepressants and I am feeling so much better. I having a really good and fun time meeting new people and readjusting things I wasn’t comfortable with before. I am planning a trip overseas and I am genuinely EXCITED but….when is the other shoe going to drop?
I still have all of you at the back of my mind. I think of each person who is going through a struggle and posts here hoping someone will notice. I wish you all find the right combination of therapy and medication and get better.
I miss my friend Unknownsoldier. I haven’t heard from him in a while. […]
8 years and you’re still inside my head
Inside my heart
I can’t burn you away
I can’t see another’s eye
Without seeing yours
I can’t kiss another lips
Without feeling yours
I can’t say I love you
Without thinking of you
And the big problem here
Is that you don’t even know
You’ll never know
You’ve moved on
You’re in love with someone else
And I’ll never be her
I don’t want to bother anyone with my problem. And yet I feel as if I’ll explode. For the past week, I’ve had to watch my abuser walk down my same hallways, spend quality time with his friends in his new clothes (guess his mom spoiled him), while I with in my usual frustration, jumpy whenever I feel anyone come near me, wanting to run away and having no one that understands because I CAN’T TELL.
but what if i killed myself? what if i fell out the window? in my letter, i’d blame everyone that protected him, everyone that made me feel like i […]
What is the difference between life, dreams, memories ,and false memories.
by anon death
written by anon death
Well I guess you could say I don’t entirely understand my past. I got abused by my mother had bully’s as friends and well I was scared. Now I have ptsd ,panic attacks daily, and cry everyday. But more of the problem is that I have a lot of false memories ,probably to cope with reality, I can’t tell the difference between life and dreams most days. That causes problems. Losing a pen causes a mental breakdown because I can’t understand what is real. I can’t put up with it. I want to die. I don’t want to cut myself. I have before ,but what […]
Targeting down unwanted behavior, which might have been caused by extreme environments. Making a behavioral change, to resolve those conflicts.
Lately, 1) I have been fed up with making unsocial statements or just being indelicate in social environment. I also have been fed up with 2) my lack of sleep.
First step, targeting the problems and its reasons; I feel like it is an outcome of physical state. or is it?
Let’s look further:
1). Being socially indelicate – why? Because I talk fast. is it all ? No. let’s look further; I ACT quickly probably due to PTSD, and other PAST environments that I have been in, in […]
I feel like my time is “near”.
I was doing my best to continue. To advance one day, followed by another day. I was grateful if I could pass another day.
But, it seems like such luxury will vanish soon. Enduring a single day is enough to make me suffocate. I even have trouble breathing as I writing this. (Note, I never have asthma.)
Right now, I’m anxious if I have enough strength (or luck) to reach tomorrow. I don’t know what I’m trying to accomplish with this post.
For now, I am doing my best to breathe deeply. Hoping my anxiety and fear would pass.
I guess I’m gonna keep saying it until it feels 100 p. cent real to me.
Last night, my brother molested me.
And why reveal this to some forum you may ask?
Because I’m not allowed to tell anyone else. And I want [need] to tell someone.
My parents are trying to steer me towards forgiveness. I’m not having it. I’m at my mom’s house and I haven’t seen him since the incident. I feel like my body isn’t mine. Like I will forever be marked by those cold hands on my breast.
I’m desperate for human contact just answer this stupid message I feel like I’m […]
Every day is terrible, but today really pushed me over the edge. I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to try ODing on my iron pills and finally dying. I hope my family disposes of my body and not leave it there to rot because they’re some horrible people, I tell you. All rotten, all abusive, all evil people.
So, goodbye. This 18 year old is finally breaking free. No more nerve pain, no more mental illness, no more abuse. Nothing. Hopefully I’ll finally be successful this time. I can only pray.