Hello?
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
I’m screaming for help
Please help me
I can’t see anything
I don’t know where I am
I’m just surrounded by darkness
Help me find myself because as time goes by I feel more lost
Category:
Coping Skills
the one thing i literally cannot stand is when i try to reach out or vent or share my story people make it about themselves literally nothing can ever be about me i have to beg my parents to buy me things like food and soap and shoes and i have to beg them to take me to the doctor or get me school supplies if i ever reach out to people they start talking about their own shit and it’s really fucking invalidating and doesn’t help me at all nobody has lived my life nobody has been through the exact same situations i don’t […]
im trying to get better but i can’t when every god damn thing is about you im trying to get better but i can’t when every god damn thing is about you im trying to get better but i can’t when every god damn thing is about you im trying to get better but i can’t when every god damn thing is about you im trying to get better but i can’t when every god damn thing is about you im trying to get better but i can’t when every god damn thing is about you
i wonder why life isn’t fair i wonder if this is what i deserve i wonder if my happiness is too much to ask for i wonder if my sanity is unattainable i wonder if you ever wanted me i wonder if you ever loved me i wonder if you were ever proud of me i wonder if you ever saw me as a person not a problem i wonder why you went to bed after i sobbed to you on the phone i wonder why my life sucks i wonder why i am like this i wonder why i can’t be grateful for things […]
I lay here hopelessly upon my bed
where words seem to fall yet,
they never seem to leave my head
where I sit behind a colourless screen and constantly keep falling in and out of a bad dream.
The net I cast to set me free only ended up tying me up,
threatening to snap at the feel of a touch,
an emotion which is all controlled by the only constant friend,
who whispers in my ears and slowly cripples my self-esteem.
Is this the end?
It feels like I’m dying,
the comfort of my friends only seems to hurt me.
It hurts me to […]
On the surface my life seems perfect. I have a job, a car, so called friends, and I’m about to finish my degree in finance.
Yet despite all this I still want to die.
Here’s why.
I guess the core trauma started when I was 7 and my parents got divorced. (there were many others)
Life before that was perfect and I distinctly remember my parents sitting me down
and telling me I have nothing to worry about and that they promise they won’t divorce.
They divorced the next day and my life spiraled out of control.
My dad turned into a religious nut and […]
I know compared to what some of the other stuff people have said, this might be, “lame”, but I have been at such a low point in my life lately and I need somebody’s help. I hate it at home. I hate my family. If you’re wondering why, it’s because I feel like I can’t have a normal life. I live in a strict household, I never feel love no matter how much times my parents say it to me because their words are hollow to me. Actions speak louder than words, and I have been taken granted by everyone around me. Sometimes I feel […]
i keep trying to wreck myself instead of killing it,i cut even tho i don’t consider myself a cutter, i smoke but im not a smoker either, and i fucking hate food, and now for the first time in my life i’m starting to pass out randomly. the thing is tha now im not doing anything particularly to trigger this. but what’s even more sick is that i feel proud, it’s like my plans are working and im slowly dying. most of the passing outs happened when i’m alone thankfully and i was in a place to rest and not fall. it was only once […]
..two months into antidepressants and I am feeling so much better. I having a really good and fun time meeting new people and readjusting things I wasn’t comfortable with before. I am planning a trip overseas and I am genuinely EXCITED but….when is the other shoe going to drop?
I still have all of you at the back of my mind. I think of each person who is going through a struggle and posts here hoping someone will notice. I wish you all find the right combination of therapy and medication and get better.
I miss my friend Unknownsoldier. I haven’t heard from him in a while. […]
Targeting down unwanted behavior, which might have been caused by extreme environments. Making a behavioral change, to resolve those conflicts.
Lately, 1) I have been fed up with making unsocial statements or just being indelicate in social environment. I also have been fed up with 2) my lack of sleep.
First step, targeting the problems and its reasons; I feel like it is an outcome of physical state. or is it?
Let’s look further:
1). Being socially indelicate – why? Because I talk fast. is it all ? No. let’s look further; I ACT quickly probably due to PTSD, and other PAST environments that I have been in, in […]
For, how many days can I hibernate before people forget my existence? But would it really be such a bad thing?
written by Daisy_rosieismyrealname
People don’t really get it. It’s easy for me to put a smile on my face and tell people I’m fine. It just feels like hell dragging myself out of bed to do it. I get stuck in a situation of ‘no, I haven’t left my bed in four days, haven’t showered or eaten a decent meal but yes I’m fine, can’t you see the smile on my face?’ Lying is easy. Recently I feel completely unmotivated, numb, bored, tired and solitary. In fact, pretending to be OK is the only real relief. At least then I can feel like I’m worth something, others can […]
Hey,
Last 6 month were extremely stressful for my own experience, and a lot of fears or other worries of mine, have re-appeared.
I have started playing idiotic games on the computer in purpose of escaping reality. I have ditched my studies and fell down in the final exams.
In my own perspective the last experience was harsh enough to deduct my self esteem and many other aspects. Now I have to deal with the consequences and find solutions.
So what is my plan?
Well first – slowly accept the idea of harsh reality, and tough problems.
While doing the first step, I am also coping with my urges of “running […]
The night before March 15, I was so down to the point that negative thoughts have devoured me. It was painful, to be torn by two sides of which to choose. A part of me—the wounded one—have whispered me to go to the kitchen, took out a knife, and just end it all! The other one was crying, begging for me to stop. In the middle of the night, a potpourri of emotions swirled within me that I was left in a deep turmoil. Maybe that’s why I went to the kitchen and stood in front of the counter where the knives were hidden. I […]
I’d like to think I have a lot of decent qualities, but one thing I’d like to change about myself more than anything is my painful inability to communicate well. I’m terrible at articulating myself and having conversations, and it’s extremely frustrating. I can’t help wondering what went wrong during the time I was developing into an adult, but it’s my biggest insecurity and I feel so bad about it. I don’t think I’m fun to be around because I’m so socially awkward and I think it’s at least part of the reason the person I’m interested in doesn’t feel the same.
Hey,
after inner thinking, I’ve decided I’ll use this side again got renting and letting out any depressing memories, so it won’t bother my mind at night.
for those who don’t know or remember, I’m a computer engineering student, having a lot of difficulties in my life, and this semester my grades are also complete shit.
Will be around for few months.
love you all, nice to meet u,
Jac.
I’ve never done this before. The blog thing. I’m here because a friend of mine was on here a couple years ago and told me about it. I’ve read all of their posts and some of them tell about how I “saved” them. How ironic that I’m here now writing my own story. Recently I told a friend what I’ve been doing and they told me to find a hobby to help me stop. I know they’re right because they’ve been through the same thing and that’s what helped them. I tried coloring and playing online games. The games seem to help but not enough. I can’t […]
I’m officially at the number zero of people I can talk about suicide with without making people triggered, uncomfortable, or being told I should seek help or call a hotline. I guess talking about it just makes it worse and just makes me want to do it even more! Because nobody wants to be friends with a sad *****, you might as well eliminate the sad ***** altogether and kill her off. In addition, I’m officially at the point of no longer making myself vulnerable to the point where I begin to contemplate these thoughts. Did I finally solve the puzzle as to why my […]
Every day after i leave school, (3 times a week), I go to this little pizza place. It’s pretty good and it’s cheap and it’s quiet. And I usually eat my food and just drink their mango black tea. And drink more of their mango black tea. And just stare at the table as if I’m in a bar and I’m trying to forget my worries. Sometimes I stay for over an hour after I eat, just trying to loose myself.
The girl that always rings me up has started calling me her depressed customer friend. Friday, when I walked in, she […]
It’s been exactly a year now since I last posted to this website, which is sort of weird. I like the format of it, so I desperately looked for it and finally found it!
For some BG information (if it’s helpful I guess lol ig it helps me!), I’m 16 (17 in April) and FTM but not at all out to most people close to me in my life, especially including close family. I have a history of self-harming since I was about 12 years old, and my parents became aware of it 1-2 years ago. I have stopped as of now but have relapsed a […]